Wednesday, July 28, 2010

candy isnt such a temptation now..



i like this pillow ..but it really didnt do a thing for me..hehe and this candy bar is 10 pounds of chocolate..i think its like 75.00 or something..wow what a huge candy bar..

well today was a good day...and still is..im not in bed yet so its still today..hehe im tired though..it has been a busy day for me..had to go this afternoon and get my car checked with the tires and it turns out i had to get a new tire and that was some money i didnt have..but it was turning into a safety issue so it had to be done..but i got up and ate my fiber plus bars..i really like them and i think they do help..but i had started to pour something other than water to drink and i thought stop you have to have to have your water today ..so i went and filled up my water bottle and drank water all day long..i have now consumed 66 ounces of water today..it would have been 72 but i filled it up before i had drank it all the first time..so it was 66..but thats good enough for today..

i was sincerely focusing on everything today..my water and calories and walking and guess what..i got in all in..go me! ya! i had to really focus on food tonight because i hadnt had enough calories today and had to eat more..dont ya love it when you have to force yourself to eat more calories to get it all in..hehe!! but i did some walking tonight late tonight..its just too muggy right now even late..but i did a mile and had to force that ..my pain in my knees have come back at me and now i am going to have to go get the injections by next week..or i will be in alot of pain..

i had a pretty good day..we are going to have to clean in the morning..not a word i actually like but we all have to do it..hehe ive noticed how the candy isnt tempting me anymore.while i was waiting on my car to be fixed..i was standing right next to this candy rack..chips and chocolate and candy of all kinds..and i was kinda hungry to boot..but it didnt bother me like it would have 6 months ago..a few months ago i would have bought something just because i was waiting on the car..but not today..even going to walmart and lately i have been going more than usual..i find myself looking but not enthused like i used to be about all the candy...

i know when i went to walmart the other night with my friend glen..we were looking at the cakes and doughnuts and brownies and anything chocolate..and i acted goofy with it but i didnt want it..really surprised at that too..but now i can go through walmart and not pick up a donut to eat while i am shopping..yes i used to do that..i would keep the wrapper and just tell them what it was..but look at the calories i consumed and didnt realize it just because it was there..not because i was hungry and needed to eat but because it was something sweet and i thought i needed it..

i am so glad i DONT..i have changed so much of my thinking about food and what to drink ..i dont even think about pop..and tonight i had 0 snocones..i think i was just bored and getting myself off track with the snocones..now i dont even crave it..
i sure feel better drinking water..and i mean pure water..well i guess i better get to bed if i am going to get up and clean..hehe hey kenlie have a very safe trip and i will see you sunday...im praying for a safe one..

loveyou all
enjoy your journey..
kelli

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

this feels good again..


well today had started out like it used too..i got up and poured my water into the stainless steel container i have, and i sat down to drink my first of 64 ounces of water..so i did ..i got it down and then before we left this afternoon to go to the eye doctor..i was working on my 2nd 24 ounces..whew did i go tot the bathroom...thats what is wrong with all this water..you dont have the time to get to the bathroom..

but i made it..and i kept drinking everywhere we went today i drank my water..i was smokin...not really but i was..hehei just ended my intake for the day and it was 84 ounces of water..whoohoo..not a drop of anything else..well i did have a couple of kiddie snocones..i do have to stop that..that is still sugar even if its a kiddie one..i counted my calories tonight..and i ended up with 1500 calories..i really wanted to be at 1300 and if i had stopped with the snocones i would be..but i will try again tomorrow..i havent weighed in a while and i need too soon...i know i have gained some weight and now over the 300 mark again..i hate that too..i was so looking forward to being under 300 for a change..but i will get there again..i know i will..

i didnt walk tonight i will tomorrow night..my friend was missin me and it isnt very often that he actually tells me that so i went to see him, and we had a good time..he and i always talk so late when were together..time just flies..and so i came home late and didnt have the time to go out real late and walk..so tomorrow will catch me walking and then cleaning..our sister is coming again for a few days and we get to meet kenlie on sunday..so were cleaning away..

but i feel good again..i do and i know God is right here with me helping me all the way..i know one day i will see 130 pounds..and it wont take me forever to get there...im so glad that i have all of you out there to help me along the way..its so nice to have such good support..thank you all..

i guess i better get to bed..its late again..gotta take my car to the mechanics tomorrow..hopefully its not too bad..goodnight!

enjoy the journey
kelli

Monday, July 26, 2010

im rockin tonight!





okay here i am after i walked the 2 miles..i was sweatin..and tired..and here is the lake that were going to walk sunday .this picture was this last sunday right around a storm coming in..

wow im back...! i was rockin today...i watched my calories and i am drinking my 64 ounces as i write and i walked and walked and walked tonight..i did 2 miles in 41 minutes tonight and was pushin it ..i tellya i was pushin..i hadnt walked in 2 weeks mainly cause of the heat..but also because i had been feeling so down..but not now..i am back..

i had noticed how my legs were creeping back to hurting again..and i am going to have to get the injections in my knees now..i am having a hard time bending over..and i was just starting to feel the pain all over again..so now i am not going to go backwards..not again..not now..i am moving forward and getting this weight off..its coming off and staying off for life..i dont want to get back in the shape i was in..i want to be healthy..and i know its going to take some time..hey i have all the time in the world..i have the rest of my life..and i am going to do this if it takes the rest of it to accomplish it..i was really pushin tonight...i just wanted to do a mile and a half to start, but after i got to the mile and a half then i was still around the corner so i thought why not go for the 2 miles..after all i am going to be walking the 3 miles on sunday with sean and kenz..so i better be ready..

i can t wait either..i have wanted to walk the lake for a long time just wasnt ready to do it til now..but i am going to give it my best try..i did well with the calories..i had 1280 calories today..i did have a kiddie snocone but i hadnt had a whole lot to begin with..i am going to have to start drinking my water as soon as i get up in order to get it all down..but i will tonight..i really feel good today..i know in my heart and my mind its going to come off this time..im not going backwards..

well tomorrow night i am going to push for 2 and a half miles and get up to 3 miles by friday..so i will be walking at night..thats when it is the coolest here..it gets up to over a 100 degrees during the day and even in the evening its still like 90...so when i get home after 10 is when i will walk..but i am back..!!

hope you all are doing well on your journey..
keep drinking the water..
kelli

Sunday, July 25, 2010

what a difference a positive mood makes.




okay here is the big storm that passed over me last night...and here i am drinking water before my hair was colored and then me after my hair was colored..looks the same to me..but i guess thats okay..

i have been in a slump for a couple of weeks ..but i am out of it now..i feel good today..and today is what counts...i decided a couple of days ago to change my mood and be more positive about everything and just know that God will always help me get to the place i need to be in..so thats what i am doing...

i got up yesterday and felt pretty good..i went to work as usual and had a pretty fair day with customers..we had our krazy daze this week and that usually brings the people out in the heat..and with the heat comes thirst and thats where i come in..hehe so i served em up and only had one myself..i finally did get to 1400 calories by last night..i really want to stay at 1300 so i am going to have to be better at not overdrawing any calories from the calorie bank..i like that idea..it sounds cool..

i didnt do as well on my water intake yesterday but i will do better today..i am really focusing on my calories and i have to get back to walking..i havent done that yet and i am afraid i am going to be starting over if i dont start soon..i can already feel the pain in my legs and i dont like that..so i will try again to walk tonight...i will just have too..

i colored my hair last night and thought i was going to be bleached blonde..i was getting so excited..i wanted to see it and take pics but when i got it dry ..it looked like my hair color i have..maybe a touch lighter..but it looks natural..maybe thats a better thing..i am sure noticing how moods really make a difference..if i had stayed in the mood i was getting into..i would have given up already..i know i would have because i used to do this..i used to get all depressed and just give up..then i would gain it all back and then some..not again..i dont want to keep gaining..i cant go backwards..i know i will have days where i dont feel like doing this but i just have to keep going and do it for me and my health..i have to realize this is life or death and i dont want the death part yet..i am going to try and stay around 1300 tonight and hopefully get back to the way i was before and really focus on it ..i want to be healthy and its not that hard to do ..i just have to do it..

i went to walmart last night and picked up a jar of pickles and some eggs to boil..i love deviled eggs and hard boiled eggs too..so i thought for breakfast that would be good..but i could eat pickles anytime..just not too many..
well i hope you all have a great sunday..we had a great sermon at church today and it kinda goes with how i am feeling these days..abraham didnt trust God for one small thing and i need to trust God for this..the chapter was Genisis 20 ...the whole thing..it was a good sermon..so i am going to put this in Gods helping hands and trust Him with all my heart...

have a great day
kelli

Saturday, July 24, 2010

a better day!


here is a better picture of the foutain..



i hope you can see the picture..its the water fountain and the ducks..and then me tonight..i didnt look very good..i was too tired to care tonight..hehe

i am writing pretty late tonight ..this is for friday the 23rd..i worked all day and then visited with my friend and then took pictures of some ducks over at the campus pond and then watched the western with my family..so now i am writing..i wasnt going too..i was just going to go to bed and write tomorrow night..but i thought no i will post something short..

i changed my attitude this morning..i got up and told myself get in a better mood..whatever your problem is its not going to be fixed by not doing the right things for yourself..its not going to work by being in such a bad mood..it just isnt..so i put a smile on and faced the day..i did pretty good today ..i ate around 1500 calories by the time i came home from the day..i wanted to stay around 1300 but i ended up with 15 maybe 1600 calories..not bad considering last night..i also drank 6 glasses of water ..i drank the water all day..i had to focus on it but i did it..i ate the ice at the snocone stand and didnt have hardly any snocones..i had made one kiddie one with a taste of the syrup but i wouldnt say it was anymore than 50 calories if that...

i didnt walk tonight i will try and do that tomorrow..i did have to walk some to get to the pond..it was down the street a ways..i had to park and then walk..so maybe i did get some walking in..but today has been a lot better today..thank you all for the advice and the comments..i talked to my banker too and he is going to work with me on payments..so maybe my finances will get better..but i am going to keep going with the water and the calories and walk til i drop..i will get this weight off if it kills me..hehe and it just might..hehe...i really think the mood does make a difference..i am not perfect and this is not an easy thing to do to lose weight..but i made progress today and that is what counts..i had a smile on my face while i was going thru the day..my problems are the same but i am handling them with a smile instead of stressing out and eating everything in sight.i did good and tomorrow i will do even better..

i better get to bed..tomorrow is another work day..
have a good weekend..
loveyou all
kelli

video

this is the video i took of the ducks..

Friday, July 23, 2010

this is how my day went!


okay everyone..i know my day didnt go well..i know i ate too much and did no exercise and very little water..i know that and i know i have to change things..i have to do the exercise and the water and the calories.if i dont i will be right in the same spot and possibly bigger than i was..i am not going to go backwards...i will not do this to myself..i got up at 6 am this morning and was fine..it was thru the course of the day that it was going bad for me..i guess it usually is that way for people..

this is what i ate and how i was feeling at the time..

morning was a protein bar..180 calories i was fine..but hungry..
i went thru the morning and after i had been turned down for a loan to pay my bills and then my friend was telling me how he felt, and then my car was giving out on me and the mechanics were turning me down left and right..this was my morning..this is how it all started..i came home and ate 5 marshmellows which are now gone..125 calories,

then at 1230 i went to work, well my day had already been shot down and i didnt care anymore at this point..so i went thru burger king drive thru and ordered a double cheeseburger combo ..not a small a medium although it would have been a small but they didnt give me that option..i got fries and a 32 ounce dr.pepper..not a dt.drink a regular drink...okay so the meal is 460 for the burger and 410 for the fries and 400 for the drink..then i also got a hershey sunday pie..something i have only been looking at but something i have had and i know how good it is..310 calories..okay were getting into a lot of calories here and its only 1 pm ..

so i go to work and by 3 pm i have eaten all this food..i have watched every bit of food go down my mouth and at the same time thinking to myself what did i just do..this isnt helping..i just made it worse..i thought for a moment that the food would help me..how wrong i was...so now i am drinking my pop and not my water and i have my water there with me...so you can see i was planning on drinking the water today..i was bored now..had 5 customers by 5 pm..what a day and this is crazy days..you would think someone would be around..i kept looking at the blog i had put up earlier and getting on my facebook to see what everyone says..i do that from my phone..so i ate snocone after snocone today..must have been at least 3 ..small of course but i had already had food..so i had way too much sugar..and then by the time i was off at 9 tonight i was wore out and just plain tired of the whole day so i ended up getting a double dip ice cream from braums..not a single dip yogurt..but a double dip ..another 600 calories...
no water and
no exercise and way too many calories..if i havent gained a pound today..i will be very lucky..this was my bad day and hopefully i wont get up in the morning and do this again..it has to stop here..i came home and i have had a bite of cheese which was 100 calories..but its because i went to lay down and ended up falling asleep..so now i am going to go back to sleep and try and have a better day tomorrow..

so lets add this up..
180
125
460
410
310
400
350 for snocones
600
100= 2935..wow what a bad day! no more! NO MORE DAYS LIKE THIS..!
you all see me going down this road again..yell at me ! thanks..
have a great night!
kelli

Thursday, July 22, 2010

well im trying to come back..


am i ever going to get this weight off..?

okay i know im supposed to do this everyday..it is supposed to keep me accountable for how much i eat right? well i have to do this from now on..cause i can see right now i cant seem to keep myself accountable without it..i havent watched the calories lately..oh i watched them go into my mouth..but watching how much i eat hasnt been a big thing lately..and i dont know why..i think maybe i am still not feeling my best yet..and i have just been so depressed about not ever having anyone in my life..one of my friends is now getting married and still being rejected by my friend whom i care so much for..but i should know better than that anyway..im just tired i guess..and the way i feel right now..i just dont care ..iam trying to get back to walking and watching everything..but right now i just am at the point i dont care..i need to get back on my water today..i know i felt better when i was drinking water..but for some reason i havent been drinking any for three days now..i havent walked in a week..and i am finding myself looking heavier again..i hate it and i dont want to be there again..i want to get this weight off and get back to feeling good..im just not sure how to do it anymore..im tired ..

im up early because i took my friend to the mechanics and now i have to pick him up later..i really care for this guy and we used to be engaged ..but now were friends and most of the time its okay.but for some reason now i just want to be more and he doesnt..i guess i cant force it with him but im sure tired of being single all the time..i just feel like im never getting married even if i got thin..and what does that tell ya anyway..that i have to be thin to be attractive..i dont think so! i think im attractive now..i always thought i was a pretty lady..just a heavy lady..but i know i need to do this for my health ..and reality shows that people need to be attracted to you before they can get to know you..so i guess i need to get it off..but i need it for me first..i dont want the pain again..i dont want the bad legs again..i know i need to start walking and really watch the calories..i have too..im just tired..and feeling depressed..

well im going to try and walk today and drink my water.. and watch all my calories..i have too if i want to get going again..my sister bought a used stationary bike last night and she is really doing well with that and her water..she is rockin the water..im so glad she is..now i have to get better with it again..so wish me luck tryin to get started again..have a good day!

loveya all
kelli

Sunday, July 18, 2010

whew im tired..this was a long day of the unexpected..



here iam today..i am drinking my water in one and the other was so cool..i just wanted to post it...hehe

well ive been working at the stand all weekend like i normally do every day..but today has been different..one of our girls quit and the other one was out with an injury..so that left my uncle and me..we did it though..we held down the fort..he was at number 1 and i was at number 2..of course i closed up and went over and helped him so he could go get something to eat..so today i have been working from 2 til 1130 tonight..and boy am i tired..but i have noticed since i have lost 60 pounds ..i can reach higher and move better..this is a stand that i usually dont like to work at..just because i cant reach anything and its always so busy that it wears me out..but tonight even after i had worked all day...i was okay..i wasnt in pain or not able to bend..i could move and reach for things on the top shelf..that i couldnt do a few years ago..i was so glad to notice that..it made me feel good to know that what i am doing is truly affecting me in a very positive way...i knew it but its nice to see it..

i have been drinking my water all day now and have had 6 glasses..i have to get 8 in from now on..it seems to be a hard thing when i am reading..see i am not focusing on it..iam focusing on my bible..but i will just have to keep remembering it and get it down.i still havent walked yet..i am going to have to get back to it..i need to find a way to walk even in the hot air..it is so hot here ..that it fogs up my glasses just going outside..i was doing well tonight on my eating..i have got to do better though..no more cheeseburgers..i have to get away from the red meat..it just isnt good for me..i need the salads..well i am hoping i have the day off tomorrow..i am supposed too..we'll see...i will try and walk some tomorrow..i need to get back with it before i end up going back to the start..oh i do not want to do that..

well its late..so iam going off to bed..i dont think i will have a problem going to sleep tonight..goodnight all..
have a wonderful sunday..
kelli

Friday, July 16, 2010

reading a good book sure helps to relax..



ya like my new haircut..i did it myself..and here iam drinking the water and no makeup..whew what a picture..hehe

i have been going thru so much emotional stuff for like a week or so..but today i decided i needed to let it go..whatever happens happens..and what i need to do for myself is focus on God and let Him do what i cant..i have been saved since i was 9 years old..there is no one in this world that can tell me there is no God..i know because i am here..i know because this world is still standing..i know because i believe.. but as a christian we have duties or laws to go by that comes from God..we all have laws to go by even non christians these are the ten commandments..given by God..i try to go by them..i know i am a sinner ..we all are...but i do try and live a christian life ..i try and love everyone..i said i try..hehe it is hard to love everyone..i just dont know how Jesus did it..i know its because He was perfect and were not..but we are to try and live as close a life like Jesus as we can..well i am probably far from perfect as i know we all are..if we were living the life we should be ..then we probably wouldnt be blogging about our obesity..since its a sin too..

i decided today i needed to get closer to God..i needed to know the Book like i should have known it years ago..i hadnt ever really read my Bible..i had only skimmed through and read a few chapters here and there..but i have been reading for a while now..well i think since i started blogging i started reading too..but lately i hadnt given God enough of my time..and so i decided since i wasnt getting customers and even through the customers i would read..i didnt turn my dvds on or my music ..i just read and read..and i read 15 chapters in a couple of hours..i had gone through the first book and was into EXODUS..Genesis was the first book and i was reading about Joseph and his brothers who were so mean to him..Joseph was an amazing man..he was only 30 when he was imprisoned for something he didnt do..but he didnt give up..he had faith that God was with him all the time, and that He was going to make things better later on..it was an amazing story..something i needed to hear..i needed to read this and know even though i do know ..but God turned everything around for him..God took the bad and made it good..He made Joseph's life more abundant because Joseph had the faith in GOD that HE would do it..

like i said i read this at work..i dont get to do much else anymore..im just thankful i can read it at work..alot of jobs wont let you bring books..but while i was reading i was becoming more and more relaxed..i guess i needed it tonight..i was sitting there drinking my water and reading my Bible and helping customers too..i did get a few...hehe but i felt like i could do this..and i know with the help from God i will do this..because really this is Gods doing ..not mine..He is the one who gives me strength everyday to get up and keep going..HE gives me strength to say no to dr.pepper every single day of my life..and so i dont get the credit here..God is my provider and my strength and i know He is the one who will deserve the credit when the journey is over..

i came home and i was going to go walk but we got a storm brewing up and then it got too late and the storm never came..but the lightening did..so now i will try again tomorrow..maybe i will be able to walk in front of my house tomorrow night to get back to it..i have been drinking my water and i got 6 glasses down me and i am working on 9 now..got 6 last night..so im close just not always hitting 64 ounces..i decided to trim my hair tonight so i did and ended up trimming the whole head so here iam with my new haircut drinking my water with NO MAKEUP ON..WOW what a picture that is ..hehe

well i am going to bed now..i certainly appreciate all of ya with the comments and the concerns..i have just had some rough patches lately and hopefully now i will give it to God and let it rest..
so you all have a great friday ..keep drinking the water...
loveya all
kelli

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

im gettin there.


here iam today drinking my water..drink drink drink..

i have had a pretty good day today..its been hot and still is..i still didnt do my walking tonight but i will try and do some tomorrow evening..its just super hot around here..right now its almost 11 and its still almost 90..so its hot..i am drinking the water..and thats not too hard for me now..im on 6 glasses right now and will get to 9 before bed...i drank 9 last night and am not doing bad there..

i feel okay right now..i know im always going to have some sorta struggle with my life and my weight and my emotions..i just have to accept that im getting older and being older means different things for women than it does for men.im not a young girl anymore..so losing weight is going to take its own time and my emotions will be the same..i will always be an emotional woman and probably have crying spells for no reason even when im happy..its just me..

i guess i just have to relax and let the weight come off and do what i need to do everyday and keep going whether i feel like it or not..i have to keep having faith that God is always going to be with me and provide for me whether i can provide for me ..i know He is ..im just always worried about my finances and i just need to leave it to God and let Him do it..i am trying to enjoy the day and i really appreciate all the readers i have on here..i was overwhelmed today looking at the count of people ..that was amazing..

well i did do well with my calories and i am drinking my water ..walking is the next thing i need to do again..i worked today at the snocone stand and drank my water instead..im surrounded by 40 flavors of snocones and could have any amount i want for free..but i try to keep it to 2 or less and make it a very small one especially if i havent gotten to eat much..but its something im around this all day and im drinking water..whoohoo..something is right here..

have a good night.
kelli

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

keeping the water going but thats it right now..



me today

well i have had a very emotional few days..iam so tired of going thru the emotional rollercoaster that iam on..its not fun.i was doing well before and walking and getting my calories on track and now the last couple of days i just cant seem to get the urge to do anything like this..i am drinking my water and right now i have had 6 glasses and will have 3 more by the time i go to bed...

i just didnt walk tonight and for my emotional reasons i didnt walk last night either..tonight its still way tooo hot..but i am trying to get myself back on track and keep going..i have to do this for me..i have to keep going strong and keep moving forward so that one day i will be here instead of in the ground..i dont think my calories went over today.i just wasnt watching like i should have been...ididnt eat a lot today cause i was at work all day and didnt have any money..so i did drink my water ..yesterday i didnt do anything but 3 glasses of water..it just wasnt in me to drink anything..

iam just hoping i can have a better week and get myself back on track..
have a good night..
kelli

Monday, July 12, 2010

gettin closer to my 3 miles..




these are pictures from today.. we had some weather that looked bad so God gave us a rainbow to remind Him to not flood us anymore..
here i am tonight after i walked 2 miles and the geese were crossing the road..they were on their way to a picnic..hehe

today was sunday..my day off from work..i only get one day off and today was it..i got up not wanting to go to church..the devil was gettin to me.but i fought back and went.i am so glad i did..i needed the lesson this morning and the preacher was a guest today so it was meant for me to be there..i felt good while i was there and even felt good sometime afterward..but somewhere during the afternoon my mood sorta changed and i didnt feel so great anymore..i wasnt eating my troubles away just depressed...i am finding myself to be more depressed lately and i feel like its up and down alot..i dont know what the deal is except maybe i am a woman and knowing that, i have so many emotions to overcome..

i take a nerve pill which i am so thankful for..a few months ago i was a mess and i dont want to feel like that again..i have noticed i have come along way since then..i am 33 pounds thinner than i was in feb..and most of the time i feel pretty good..i dont cry all the time like i used too..and now if i do cry its not crying for along time, its just a spell every now and then..so i am better..i dont know i think i am still so worried about my money that i dont have, that it makes me depressed..i cant do anything because i have no money..but i have to depend on God and He WILL take care of me ..i know that i just have to have the faith that i say i have..i have to keep believing and knowing that God is going to take care of me and my family..

i didnt do badly on calories today or yesterday..but i havent drank any water today..and thats a no no..i start a water challenge tomorrow with sean and kenz..so i better get to drinking the water again..i did walk last night while i was at work i walked a mile and then i came home and walked a mile..i felt better yesterday for some reason...today i didnt want to walk but i posted it on fb and some girls jumped on me right away and said i better go walk..thanks girls..i did walk even though we were getting ready for a storm..but i guess it blew over cause it hasnt happened yet..anyway i went out and did 2 miles in 42 minutes and still didnt want to walk when i was walking..but i am glad i did..i came in sweatin and burning calories so i did my body good..now hopefully i will get to 3 miles next week..i want to walk the lake soon..alot of people were walking the lake tonight..that was nice to see..
i go back to work tomorrow and another day..

talk to you all later..
feeling the pain..
kelli

Saturday, July 10, 2010

wow im going wild with my walking! whoohoo





these are pics from the movie and susies birthday..the one im in is me sweatin after i got thru walking tonight..whoohoo! what a fun day!

okay i know this is late..im a night owl if you dont already know this..this is for friday the 9th..i want to say thank you first to all of you for the comments ..i appreciate all of them..i have been really feeling down lately because of my finances, but i figured out, i cant let the finances take control of this situation..i have to separate things..my life is different than my control over my eating and my exercise..it has to be..what happens in my life is going to happen regardless of whether i am small or big..so i need to let go of that line and keep going with this one..i am going to do better at my water and my calories from now on..i am doing well with my walking and that amazes me..i didnt do too well until tonight..i was just too depressed to walk lately..but tonight i thought well would you rather be a heavy depressed person who wont be here too long..or a healthy depressed person who might have a longer lifespan to be depressed ..hehe so i chose the later..and iam glad i did..now maybe i will be a healthy person who will get out of this slump im in financially one day..and be able to live to see it..

today was seans moms 65th birthday...my sister likes cake and she likes to celebrate..so we did..all of us ended up back at cici's tonight for her birthday..i gave her some sunglasses i thought she would like and we had already gotten all our stuff, but she got some roses from us too..but i know she and i didnt do well with the calories tonight..i have done okay lately by not going past 1500 except yesterday..i was 1600..but tonight i know for sure i didnt do well..now sean probably did..well probably isnt the right word..i know he did well..but tomorrow i will do better and better..we ate alot more than our calories..i know that..

but tonight after i came home from eating all that.i went out and walked after dark..its so quiet around here..and i cant walk til the sun goes down..its just tooo hot..but i walked for 47 minutes and did 2.30 miles tonight..farthest i have walked yet..when i came in i was sweatin..boy was i sweatin..then we sat down to glen ford and 310 to yuma..what a great movie..my dad looked alot like glen ford..he really did..well im tired now and need some sleep..you all have a great saturday..im going to do 2 and a half miles tomorrow night..i wanna be 3 miles next week..gonna do it..!
loveyou all
feelin the pain..
kelli







these were of the birthday party..whoohoo!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

too stressed for anything..


i wasnt going to do this tonight, but i thought maybe writing it down might help me feel better some..i have been having the most stressed out days that i have ever seen..i have too many bills and i need to get them all paid before i have too many student loans to pay..but right now i am in between jobs so to speak..and i need to find a good one..i only have less than 2 months til my uncle closes and right now iam not getting to work as it is..the weather just isnt letting me do anything..

i did brown bag it to work today..and did really well with my calories..i have been eating fruit like apples and bananas instead of snocones and other junk...i have been better the last two days when it came to the calories..i guess my nervousness was just getting to me but now i know to really focus on it and pay attention..i have to or i would nibble all day..i didnt walk tonight, instead i kept worrying and crying over my finances...it has got me down so bad i just cant stand it anymore..i drank 3 glasses of water tonight..i will do better tomorrow on the water..i am going to be in the water challenge with sean and kenz and so i better get to drinking the 9 glasses again..i did do well last night though..after i had come home, i decided i needed to go walk even after the rain..so i did and i walked 2.1 miles in 48 minutes now..im going to be up to 3 miles by next week i hope..but yeah i went the extra tenth of a mile...i was so glad..it really took it out of me to do it but i got it done...
so hopefully tomorrow is going to be a better day for me..were supposed ot have alot of rain tomorrow and friday..so we will see if we walk for the next two days..
have a great thursday..
trying to feel my best..
kelli

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

trying to get back on track..




this is me and sean a year ago in the winter time..and us now last saturday..

i have had a very busy weekend..i have finally walked my 2 miles all at once...whoohoo i was excited about that..but even though i had done well walking..i ate and ate over the weekend..i wasnt very good about my calories this past weekend..i kept finding myself eating without thinking..saturday we went to the stockade and that was a day where i watched my calories but that started the cake..im not doing well when it comes to the cake..i didnt feel so good eating the amount i had eat...and then not drinking enough water..im finding if i dont start drinking my water right away, then i may not drink enough.. so i have to just stay away from all pop..

then i thought okay i will begin again tomorrow...maybe i will have a better day..well im not sure that happened..july4th and we were home to eat and i ate the meal without finding out the calories first...i really should have first..because we had goulash and that is fattening..520 calories in one serving..i ate like 3 cups of it..so i know i didnt do well sunday..and then our fireworks got canceled so i ended up eating and nibbling and now iam back to the work week..but on sunday i did do the 2 miles in 42 minutes..so im not sure how this weekend has effected me..but i do know i was eating and not thinking and i have to stop that..it isnt going to work if i keep eating like that.

i did do well on my water yesterday.i drank 8 glasses of water and tried to get my calories back on track..but for some reason i have just been a nervous eater lately and i dont like it..i even started doing it today too.but decided if i was going to just eat, then maybe an apple would be better for me..so i have eaten 2 apples and a banana today..im trying to realize when these times happen and what iam doing at the time to maybe try and prevent it from happening..

i think right now im more stressed out over not having the job i need to have.i have bills and bills and right now the job i have depends on the weather and with this weather i havent got to work..so i eat..im trying not too but i have to really focus on it..this whole week is going to be rain and more rain.so i hope i can do better this week than i have this past weekend.

hope you all have a good night..
kelli

Sunday, July 4, 2010

well i beat the buffett..




these are the pictures of today..sean is actually eating some birthday cake in one of them..my oh my..hehe


well as i said earlier this afternoon..we were going to go to the stockade for a birthday celebration..we had my birthday last weekend but we didnt have the money to go to the stockade then, so we thought we would do my sisters and mine together so everyone would be able to make it and have the amount of money they would need..so we picked july 3rd..everyone has money by then..it was a good dinner..to start it though my sister tripped and fell pretty hard on the concrete..but she seems to be okay..she saved the cake though..whew! lol we went in and got everyone seated, and it was so cold in there we had to change areas before everything was over with..we had some rain today and that made every place colder than normal..

my sister had ordered a chocolate and white cake with whipped icing..ummm that is the best kind and so good..i got my plate and started doing what i used to do all the time..i went for the meat and main stuff first..then i thought no stop you have to have some salad and do this right..i was going back to the old ways..i could feel it..i knew it this time..so i went and got another plate and got my salad..lots of salad without dressing..i just dont need dressing anymore..i really like it without..so i probably looked like i was pigging out but i wasnt..i went back and sat down and took some pics of it..and then i ate the salad and the main plate sat there for awhile and then i looked at it and you know what..it didnt look as good as it had before..i thought wow i didnt want this stuff..so i didnt eat it..i did eat the roll and the green beans and a bite of meat but i had my fill of salad ..i went back again and this time for salad and fruit and watermelon and strawberries and tomatoes and wow im making myself hungry for it again..NOT! iam not at all hungry..i went away with a pain from the salad..i couldnt believe it ..i didnt even eat the main food but the salad stuff hurt me...

so i am now trying to get over that..but the cake was sure good..i know i did well for the buffet but the cake is still fighting me all the way..i ate the icing and the cake and went back for more on that..i dont want to do that again..i cant go up with this weight..and then we came home and speaking of up..thats what we watched..UP the movie..it was so funny and so sad..and ed asner did such a great job..i loved it and so did everyone else..now we are getting ready for bed and going to church tomorrow and then shoot the works..hehe
hope you all have a safe 4th of july..loveyou all
stay safe and dry..
feeling good all the time..
kelli




Saturday, July 3, 2010

a rained out day..


well today is saturday and it looks like a flood here...it just keeps raining and raining and i wanted to go walk..iam hoping i get to tonight ..i really like my walking now..it feels so good to just go and walk and for me its relaxing..it helps me get over my headaches sometimes and builds muscle at the same time..i like to think about things when i am out walking.i used to listen to my ipod but i dont do that much now ..i just walk..i focus more on the speed and the time now...and whether i am getting in a good workout..i walked 1.6 miles last night and it took me 33 minutes so i am getting faster and faster..by next week i will be walking 2 miles and then 3 miles all at one time..i am working up to it..

we are going to the stockade this evening and celebrate all the summer birthdays while we are all here...this is going to be fun..lots of pictures and challenging myself again to stay under control..i can do this..i will do this..i will keep at this for the rest of my life..this is my life now..this is me..this is how i am going to be the rest of my days..this is control..iam worth all the walking and control over food..iam worth everyday i do this...iam worth it because iam..

i have noticed this week my sister and i both have been eating out of emotions.we are both nervous eaters and it is one thing i am trying to really focus on..iam watching everything i put in my mouth now but i know when i get stressed out i nibble more..even if i started out doing well..i sometimes end up with more calories than i need..i need to really focus on the fact that food does nothing for my situation..it only makes things worse..it puts pounds on my hips that i dont need and makes me feel bad about myself..it doesnt tastes that good..hehe

tomorrow we are supposed to be going to see the fireworks..i hope we dont get rained out ..i love watching the fireworks at the lake.. my momma is sleeping already ..she sleeps alot and i guess when you get to be 83 you are going to sleep more than usual..i hope we get to have her around long enough to see me get all this weight off..i really wish i had done this sooner, but now iam doing it and that is what matters..ijust remember how she was always wanting me to lose this weight when i was a kid..she didnt want me to become heavy like she had been..it would have been nice if i had never started drinking pop..that is where all the weight started..pop does no one any good..whatsoever..does not help ..only hurts..a few years ago even a few months ago, you would never catch me without pop..without dr.pepper..had to have it..thought i would die if i didnt ..can you imagine thinking you only live for the pop you drink..? i was like that..im so glad my mind changed around..i know GOD helped me here..i know He did..i cant do this on my own..

well i will post later tonight or tomorrow and tellya how i did at the stockade..have a great weekend..stay safe and dry..loveyou all
still feeling good..
kelli

Friday, July 2, 2010

why is this day so long...?

Why why why...? I can't understand why this day has been the longest day in history for me..
I am at work right now and I have been since 2..you would think 6 hours wouldn't feel
Like forever..but it does..I started out the day being busy..better than yesterday and it flew
By yesterday...I'm tired and right now..I wanna go home..I should be walking right now
But I'm not..I'm sitting and sitting isn't going to help me one bit..I ate a brownie and I
Shouldn't have..I brownbagged it today..iam finding I need to bring my food with me to work..
If I do that I can control the caories better and my money better..hehe

I made a sandwich with turkey and cheese and put mustard on it..it was good and it hit
The spot at the right time..I ate it about 5 ..I had already had about 300 calories before
That and so now I've had about 940 calories..but the day isn't over yet..so I bet I eat something
I know iam going to walk when I get home..I have to..I think being bored to death and the
Weather has given me a headache today..I'm drinking my 6 glasses of water right now and
Before I go to bed it will be 9 down me..last night I walked a mile and a half all at once..so tonight
Iam going to go for 2 miles at once..I'm trying to get to 3 miles so I can walk boomer lake and
Not feel tired..I am feeling good these days and really feeling like I can walk all over the place..
It feels nice to be able to walk and not have to worry about a cane or maybe going into
A wheelchair later..I have been trying to figure out what kind of food I need to buy to make
For my lunch or supper...I'm not used to eating a lot while I'm here but I need to eat one meal and that
I need to bring with me..

Well this is the 4th of july weekend and everyone will be grilling..I hope you all enjoy it and have fun..
Were expecting rain for the weekend and that's not fun..I hope we do get to see the fireworks.
Tomorrow we are going to the stockade to celebrate my birthday and my sisters birthday..so I'm going to
Keep it under control..I can do this..I've done it before and I will do it again..have a great night
Everybody..

Still feeling good..
Kelli

Thursday, July 1, 2010

another long day ahead..




my mom and sister jean..dont they look like twins..and the other one was at our reunion last sunday momma and her girls and her brother..my last uncle.. and then sean sharing a couch which he couldnt do before..showing the picture of kenz to his aunt and uncle..

i got up every 3 hours last night thanks to my water pill, and drinking all the water i can all day..i dont even think about drinking dr.pepper anymore..it just doesnt taste good now..i guess my taste buds were just so used to sugar that the pop was what i wanted..now i dont..i just want the water and i know the water is what i need..its amazing how the tastes buds change just like that and now the sweets are going away too..im glad of that..i dont need the sweets..that has always been my weakness..ice cream is it for me..i didnt get to walk last night..or should i say i didnt walk..i had a migraine headache yesterday and i just couldnt do anything..so iam going to try to walk tonight..iam noticing though,if i dont do the exercise with the calories..i dont lose..it takes all of it at the same time..i guess its the burning of the calories as well as eating enough at the same time..and then flushing it out with the water..got a make the body a clean temple...

my mom and i are watching the andy griffith show right now..good moral values and funny at the same time..cant beat that..im going to work today and work all day until tonight..so this is my blog for the day..my sister and her husband is here for a visit with my mom and all of us and so it has been a good week and a busy one too..kinda out of our routine which my mom is not liking too well..but it happens sometimes..you just have to go with the flow..lol

i am noticing how much better i feel everyday..its amazing and i can walk so well..dont even need the handicapped sticker anymore..i told my doctor i felt funny even asking him for another one..now i can walk..so iam walking and feeling good doing it..i dont think i will be going back to the way i was..i feel too good walking everyday..i did do exercises in the stand last night..and iam trying to move around as much as i can..i know that sitting is not the best thing to do all day..
so today i will drink all my water and get my walks in and stay around my calories..this is what i will do everyday..i have to do it for me..
hope you all have a wonderful day..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI