my journey to a new life..

thursdays blog on friday!

2011-12-02T08:34:00.002-06:00

this is for yesterday, i got home from class too late and didnt feel like getting on the computer. i am here at work today doing my blog, i havent got anything to do right now so i thought i would write yesterdays blog. yesterday was not a good day for my concentration. i just couldnt or didnt focus on what i needed to focus on.

i got up sick and stayed sick most all day. i didnt go to work and stayed asleep for quite a while. when i did get up, i ate very little food yesterday. what i ate going to class and coming home from class made up for the whole day, i ate junk food, i drank regular pop, not one but two bottles, one right after the other. it was bad, i even got a regular pop for this morning to bring with me, its just a habit i can tell its a habit, if i just got pepsi max or sprite zero it would be better for me.

i just didnt concentrate, maybe i was just nervous, i am in spanish class at night and i am not doing as well as i would like in this class so maybe its my nerves, but i did do something good last night, i got a salad and ate it. i hadnt even thought of a salad in a long time, and there it was a salad. you know what, it was good too. i really liked it and it got me to thinking better.

maybe this is all a habit, i just need to get into a better habit of what i eat and do this everyday. i really need to be drinking my water, i think about it, but i dont do it, and that is not going to help me any. so yesterday was not good but today is another day and i am going to try to focus on it today and keep that up, maybe i can get into a habit of focusing on it and keep doing it, i would sure like to see myself thin one day. i dont even know what i would look like thin. well i better get to work ..you all have a great day!

thinking is better than not thinking..i think..lol

2011-11-30T22:34:00.003-06:00

my beautiful cousin bobbie joe who is now a model, posing for me at one of our many photoshoots this year..she is a beauty.i love to take her picture

I have been better today at thinking about what i need to do..well actually remembering to concentrate on what i have to eat or not eat and drink. Although my drinking pop leaves something to be desired, my concentrating on food is getting somewhat better. I started my day not thinking about what i should be drinking, just grabbing the pepsi that i had in the fridge to take with me to work. See the way i was thinking was that i could drink just one bottle all morning and as opposed to 2 cans of pop that i normally drink by the end of my shift. i guess i was thinking 250 is better than 300 and it is but it is still not good to begin with.

SO TOMORROW I SHALL TAKE A GLASS OF WATER..ITS WHAT I NEED ANYWAY!

I ate my protein bar like i do every morning but i need to think of maybe fruit instead. There is really too much sugar in the protein bars to really help with weight loss, and really do these bars really curb our hunger, or DO WE JUST MAKE OURSELVES BELIEVE THEY DO..!

When i came home i had already consumed ice cream and regular pop and that protein bar..toooo much chocolate way to much sugar..its really a good thing that i am not a diabetic because i would probably be very sick by now. i brought home jr, cheeseburgers from braums for all of us to have here at the house and so i had mine and ate it pretty fast.. i am going to have to start slowing down and realizing i have food in my mouth.

I didnt eat anything but a bag of popcorn that of course had butter on it...ya know looking at everything i have been having today, i think i am a food addict as well or at least a sugar addict..i know that much..but the thing that i am looking at today is the fact that i have thought about it..even if i didnt do well with the food, i did look at it and say i need to do something now..

I AM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN NOW AND SAYING NO! NO ! NO!..I DONT WANT TO GO ON ANY FURTHER..!

I didnt eat when we went to wendys and it really wasnt because i was making any kind of effort but because i am not feeling well and have been and still am sick. But by the time i got out of class tonight i was hungry..i guess i really hadnt had anything that was healthy just junk food, and of course i didnt get anything that was healthy either. i went right over and got a 20 piece mcnuget from mickeyDs..not the best kind of food to eat but i was hungry and craving it for some reason..

I ate half which is 10 of them a whopping 450 calories..but i didnt get a pop this time..i have cut back on how much pop i am drinking, at least today i am cutting back..tomorrow i may just cut it out i dont know..

But what i like the best is that i am trying to do something now..BEFORE IT WAS LIKE I HAD GIVEN UP AND DIDNT CARE..now i need to care even if this is all i have in life just to take care of my mom and myself and just be here on this earth..at least i will be here..and not 6 feet under..ITS TOO EARLY FOR ME TO DIE..I MAY BE READY TO SEE GOD AND HEAVEN BUT I AM NOT READY TO LEAVE THIS EARTH..

tomorrow starts the day all over again and another day where i have to watch it..but there will never be a day where i dont have to watch my weight...its just in me,
BUT IT HASNT BEEN TOO BAD TODAY! MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE A BRIGHTER DAY AND A BETTER DAY AND ONE DAY CLOSER TO BEING THE TRUE ME..THE ME THAT SO WANTS TO GET OUT OF THIS FAT BODY AND BE FREE FROM THE BAD HEALTH AND THE PAIN IN THE LEGS AND JUST BE A NORMAL PERSON SITTING IN A NORMAL SIZED CHAIR AND NOT BREAKING IT!

SO THINKING IS BETTER THAN NOT THINKING ABOUT IT, AT LEAST I AM NOW TRYING..

I feel like i have hit bottom

2011-11-29T21:52:00.005-06:00

this is my nephew sean and his cover for his book that is coming out soon..go buy it this will help you so much..i hope it helps me..he lost 275 pounds in 26 months if you didnt already know that..the name of his book is Transformation Road the journey back from 505 pounds..
I know i havent been good about keeping up with this blog, in fact i really thought i was just going to let it go.i am so busy these days going to school and work and taking care of mom and trying to get my photography off the ground, that i have no time for myself. i know thats a really long sentence and probably not structured well but tonight i dont care, i am just writing.

i just feel like i have hit the bottom and no where to go. my nephew sean is coming out with his book which is exciting and i am very happy that he was able to get his weight off and i know i can do this..but i just dont feel like i can..does that even make sense?

i have gained back all the weight i had previously lost plus the weight i had already lost before that..so now i am actually close to the highest weight i have been..my weight is now 341..i lost a few pounds being really sick..i wouldnt advise it..lol

i am just so tired of being tired and sick and not being able to fit into chairs because people at the schools and at jobs dont realize that maybe we have bigger people than just what fits those little chairs..i have had to deal with this for 8 years now and i am really tired of it..

i just want to feel good again..i dont want to die early..i am only 43 and even though i dont have my own family i do still have my brother and sisters and my mom is still here..there should be so many reasons to want to live and get this weight off, why cant i feel like its the most important thing and just do it..

i had a really bad day today, and even though it was really bad i do remember not thinking about the food..that wasnt on my mind, now pop is another story..i think i am more of a pop drinker than a food addict to be truthful i can drink pop like its water..i have been trying to drink my water more the last few days..maybe by doing this i will get myself back into control..i sure hope so..i have to do something..
cause as sean says choose change before change chooses you, and it will be choosing me and it wont be good unless i do something now..

its one day at a time

2011-05-23T20:29:00.002-05:00

the pretty birds from early this morning..

i have been doing good today..i have already got 60 ounces of water down me and i didnt even look at the pop..we have diet pop in the fridge but any pop is bad for me now..so i woke up drinking water..and i am going to bed drinking water..i went and weighed today..well it wasnt bad...at least not as bad as i thought it would be..

i weighed 330 pounds..so thats my start again.330 i seem to like to start at that number ..i dont know why but i do..lol but at least its not 350 like i thought it would be..i really feel that big and i know i look that big..i hate the way i look these days..i was becoming smaller looking and even kinda pretty when i was down to 296..and then something happened and i lost it..now its hard to walk a mile and i was walking 3 miles..but i am doing it..i cant keep whining about what was and just do it..

my journey seems to be taking longer than i wanted but i guess that is up to me..if i really wanted to get it off i would have kept going and not stopped..so now i am taking it one day at a time..thats all i can do..i am going to have weak days and i am going to have strong nothing will get in my way days...i only hope i have more strong ones than weak ones..

today was a day where it could have gone bad, if i had let it..i went to the medical supply store to get something for my mom and there was a jar of candy bars sitting right on the couter ..only .25 cents for each one ..and i had a dollar right in my hand..oh my my favorite chocolate..but i decided it wasnt a smart choice..right now for me i dont need to be eating the candy bars even though i will not just quit all together..this is the beginning i dont need to be tempted..

so i walked out without the chocolate..and i was proud of myself..i made it thru..i ate a salad and had a grilled chicken go wrap and had ice water..i love ice water..that is the best kind to have..i could have gotten coke but i said no i dont need the extra calories..i mean look at how many calories are in pop...150 to 8 ounces of pop..how awful and if we super size it or we make it a 32 ounce because its cheaper, were only hurting ourselves..getting that much pop is way too many calories for anyone too have..

i know i will be losing weight just because i am not drinking pop anymore..sometimes i dont care for the water all the time, but it doesnt have any calorie intake and that is something i am watching..i also dont need the sugar whether its sugar or sweetners..i dont need it either..so my day wasnt bad..

i then came home to a storm ..we keep having the storms aroud here now..its tornado season so now we have to stay aware..but the storm held back til i got in at least a half a mile..so i did walk some today..i feel good about this day..and i know that tomorrow is going to be another day and there will be challenges then too..but i feel like i can over come them now just by taking it one day at a time..

have a great night
kelli

its been too long

2011-05-22T23:14:00.002-05:00

the clouds tonight..while i was walking
wow i have been away tooo long ..i havent exercised or even cared about drinking water or getting off pop or anything i am supposed to be caring about since december of last year..wow going on 6 months and i have put the weight back on too..well today i decided it isnt coming off by itself and it isnt going to help me any to just keep getting bigger and bigger..

i cant do that to myself..the other day a little girl asked me when i was having the baby..awe the honesty of a little one..they dont know how to be tactful yet..they just know what they see..and yep in my clothes i do look pregnant..isnt that awful i know i have gained probably all of it back..i will see tomorrow..

i decided i was going to drink water..i was going to walk too..and i did i even counted the calories today..i ate 1100 calories and i have drank 60 ounces so far of water and i walked almost a mile in 40 minutes ...well the time will get better soon...

i have been sick all weekend too with migraines so walking for me was a big thing..but i did it..i was glad i did it too..i feel good now..i really do..i dont know how much i am going to lose each month but at least i will be losing..its a whole lot better than gaining like ive been doing..

i dont know what happened, except i got to where i just wasnt caring ..it was like the pop was my comfort and if i felt the least bit depressed which i did alot of the time, i would end up with reg.pop a 32 ounce reg.pop and i got to where i was eating candy in my room too..i would watch tv at night and i would have twizzlers in my bedroom..sometimes chocolate..so thats a big no no..and i dont mean a bite..

but i started thinking i really want to be thin when i graduate and i will feel so much better walking when i am a 100 pounds thinner and then 200 pounds thnner..cause yes i have 200 pounds to lose..it has too come off or i will be dead sooner than i want to be..

well i will stop til tomorrow..i am going to do this everynight..i am going to be faithful to the blog..and to myself..thanks for the support..

have a great night..
kelli

yea i know its been a long time.

2011-04-19T22:34:00.003-05:00

these are just some of the photos i have been taking..visit my website and you will see the rest..

dear friends,

i know i have not even thought about blogging for a while, and i know that is so wrong..i havent watched myself and i even drink the pop..yes i do i drink the reg. pop..i have not tried and all i have to blame is myself..so many people have tried and tried to get me back on track..i know they are tired of telling me things that go in one ear and out the other..and honestly there is no but..i just havent done it..i want to ..no i dont want to or i would be doing it..

i can tell myself all kinds of excuses but its not going to help..i gained back to 330.okay that is where i was when i started this..i lost all the weight for nothing, and now i have it to do all over again..a lot of fun..but i will have to do it..i do have a choice..i could die i guess..do i want to do that..NO! so watching the calories and no more pop and some sort of walking is something i have to do..my sister who has diabetes just got out of the hospital today..her blood sugar had gotten out of control..see she wasnt doing anything either..i dont know why we didnt..i suppose we just didnt care at the time..there are times i get to where i just dont care if i am heavy or slim..i get depressed and i just eat ice cream or i drink alot of pop..and i guess here for a while i have been doing just that..
i have never been told i was actually diabetic, i was borderline a few years ago which means i could possibly get it..but now we have to get busy and get her blood sugar down..now is the time for me to get busy and keep going..i have everyday to do this..as long as im here i may as well take control of what i eat..this blogging is something i need to be doing everyday..i guess i will have more time now..its almost summer..walking weather..i have started a website as well for my photos..im kellidee photography ..im actually at fine art america.com i will put my link on here..hope you stop by and look over my pictures..im selling them as well..and if your on facebook with me i have a fan page too..kellidee photography...
hope you all enjoy the night..
kelli

gotta make this fast..

2011-03-06T22:44:00.003-06:00

this is one of the pretty sunsets i have been taking lately, and me and sean last weekend when i had just started the weightloss..

i should be studying right now. i have been putting all my efforts into my studying and not my blogging and i probably should make some time for it. i am doing so much better right now..i have gone to the doctor and got some tests done and hopefully soon will find out why i am in pain..supposed to go to the pain doctor..but i got a double dose strength of a water pill and now i am floating to the restroom..in one week i have lost 17 pounds using this water pill..

of course i am watching what i eat and how much i eat and i am not drinking any pop..i have let go of the pop and am now drinking tea..i eat alot of salads..i know something sean never touched but i like salad..so i am eating alot of that and trying to walk as much as i can at school..i walk about 45 minutes all together to get to class and back to the car..so i walk enough..right now i am in so much pain that it hurts to move around..i am going to therapy again but cant get wrapped again until the 21st of this month..but so far i dont think i have gotten bigger..in fact with the 17 pounds gone it has helped me..

well my days anymore consists of going to school and taking care of mom and taking pictures of anything and everything these days..
i wanted to let you all know i am doing well..im more focused than i have been in a long time..and i appreciate all of you for your concerns and your loyality to my page..

i really better get to studying got to get up early tomorrow..
goodnight and god bless
kelli

im still here..

2011-02-02T03:36:00.004-06:00

our winter blizzard, and me outside ..you can tell i have gained the weight in the face..i feel awful..having all the problems like before..

im sorry i havent kept in touch with everyone..im still here everyone..i havent done well though..i ended up gaining 30 pounds back..im back up to 326 now..its awful and i am just not sure anymore no i do know what to do..but for some reason i am just not caring enough to do it..its winter time here .we are in a blizzard right now..and i cant seem to walk but i do have to walk when i am going to class..so i am walking some..

we got thru christmas and now were getting into february...hopefully soon i will be able to really walk outside..but it wont do any good if i keep eating like i have been doing..i didnt mean to worry anyone..i am thankful you all kept watching for me..its nice to know you all are there..i did get back in school this semester.so now i only have 3 semesters to go and i will graduate..my facebook friends know how iam right now.i do keep up with that everyday..i just havent felt like writing for a while..i got off of the whole thing and just didnt concentrate on anything..i am watching it some and i do stay conscious of it but not enough..i hate it too..i really hate it..cause now my legs are back to being bad and i am short of breath and walking hurts all over again..so i guess the only thing i can do is start again..i have to start all over and get back to feeling good again..i really hope i can get to feeling good..i guess walking at school will help.. and when it gets warmer i will go outside..but i am still here and i will try and do this blog everyday..it seemed to help before..

enjoy your journey and stay warm
kelli

merry christmas!

2010-12-22T02:03:00.002-06:00

our tree tonight..

hi everyone..i have been so busy lately with christmas that i havent found time to do the blog..but i have been doing pretty good..i was doing really well til the weekend came along..i dont know why but i seem to have problems around the weekend ..

i got to where i was walking twice a day though..i am going to stick with that too because i feel so good when i walk..my legs really feel good..i havent walked today and very little yesterday but tomorrow i will be right back to walking...

i decorated the tree tonight..i know its late but my uncle has been selling real michigan trees and so he brought us one last night..it was a big tree..bigger than i have decorated before...but it was sure pretty..

i have been doing pretty good about the calories too..the last couple of days i didnt too well but i will tomorrow..no more going off..

well i am headed to bed..its late..enjoy this week..its almost christmas..
enjoy the journey
kelli

walking is a big key to success..

2010-12-15T22:20:00.003-06:00

me and my brother keith at christmas time when i was a little girl..

well today is another good day..its been nice outside and i decided i cant let go of the walking.i dont want to stop it and then go back to the way i was ..where i just didnt care..i cant do that again...so i went outside with my coat on and put my hat on and walked til i got too tired to do anything else..i ended up walking 2.25 miles before i had gotten too tired..then i decided i needed to rest and go again a little later..so we went and did our errands and then came home a little later for my second go around..

i wanted to match what i had done this afternoon but i ended up doing a mile and a half ..it was just so cold when i got out there the second time, that i couldnt do a whole 2.25..that will just have to wait ..i feel pretty good going out everyday and walking..its when i get done that i feel so pooped i cant stand it..lol but it will get me going..i really believe walking is the main key to this success..

i did well on my food too..i had 1300 calories today and actually thought i wasnt going to be doing well..well we had gone to taco bueno and i got 3 tacos but i love refried beans..i really should have looked at the calories before i ordered but i didnt and so i ate it anyway...well after i looked at it i then counted it up and i had 900 calories in this meal..i couldnt believe it..200 for each of the tacos and 300 for the refried beans..my oh my so i had eaten 1200 by that time..and was now at the amount i needed..so i did well tonight..nothing but a banana and some green pepper..im feeling good now..i feel alive and i feel like i will do this..this is going to happen and i am going to do it now..

enjoy the journey along the way..
kelli

i made 3 and a half miles today..

2010-12-15T00:10:00.002-06:00

well i am focused now..this is going to happen and i am going to make it happen..i went out and walked today and it was so nice ..45 degrees and i felt good outside..i decided i wanted to get my 3 miles in but i didnt have enough time to actually do it all at once..so i walked 2 miles in 38 minutes and it felt good..i then went out again about 3 hours later and walked another mile and a half in 25 minutes..i couldnt believe it i had done 3 and a half miles today..i would like to get 3 miles all at one time and may do that by the end of the week..

i am feeling good about this and it seems pretty simple as long as i keep my mind on it..thats what i have to do..i have to have this time to do this for me...this is my health and what i have to do to get it better..its going to take some time but it will happen..

i did well on the calories and it just seems to be easy to do..i dont eat a whole lot but what i am eating now is apples and bananas..focus is the key ..consistency is the key and i am really trying to keep that in my head and i know exercise is the key as well..i have to be able to keep after it and i think i can..im like that little engine that could ..remember that story..i think i can i think i can..lol

well i am going to get to sleep its late..
enjoy the journey
kelli

i just did not believe it..!

2010-12-13T22:24:00.002-06:00

me walking out in the cold..

wow..well you all knew i was going to weigh today..and i decided i needed too ..i wanted to see if i had lost anything and wow i was so shocked..wow i stepped on the scales thinking i would see a 4 pound loss if i was lucky..i never dreamed i would see an 8 pound loss in 6 days..can you believe it..8 pounds..wow!

i was so excited all day..i just couldnt believe it..i now weigh 311 and it was so close to 310 that it kept going over there but it stayed on 311..so i said okay i can take that..lol

this has been a great day..we even went to the stockade you know the buffet line..well this is the day that seniors get in for 6.00 drink and all..and they have alot of soft food that my mom can eat..and she did..she had two plates of good food..i am really glad she could eat it..well i didnt eat nearly as much as my mom..lol that is a first..

i got a plate of roasted chicken and carrots and had a bite of sweet potatoes and a roll..i am getting so good now at conqouring the buffet tables..i felt good about this.i even had some sugar free chocolate mousse..it was good..i ate some fruit and didnt go away hungry or full..i wasnt sick and i didnt leave there feeling bad..i had a nice plate of food and left feeling good..i had won the battle..

i feel like i have so much more focus now than i did before..i really dont know what happened but i am sure glad it did..i came home and i hadnt walked yet and was wondering but didnt wonder long..i have to keep up with the walking ..i dont care how cold it is..i have to do it..so i went out and walked in 29 degrees and did almost a mile..i am wanting to get to my 3 miles this week but tonight it was too cold to do more than a mile..so i did it and i feel good about it all..i am now going to do my 6 minutes with my shakeweight..i have been doing that this week too and it does burn..my oh my it burns..

i really want to get this off ..i am living everyday i might as well keep living healthy..the walking helps so much more than just burning the calories..i have noticed my legs going down in swelling now and now i will be able to get my legs to a normal look again..and i know i will feel so much better..i already am..one week and i am feeling it..i am so ready to be healthy and thin..i so want to see myself thin..i dont remember myself thin..i know i weighed 150 in high school but even that is not the thinnest..but i plan on walking everyday and i will drink the water soon..i am going to do my walking during the day since it does get so cold at night now..but i enjoyed the air..it felt good..

but i was and still am so excited..i hope you all are doing well with your journey..
enjoy the night..
kelli

well my focus is back for now..lol

2010-12-12T22:13:00.002-06:00

me and my cat sofie tonight..she was sleeping on me..

hi ya all..i know i have been away way tooo long..3 weeks is too long to not put down what i am thinking and feeling and eating day to day..well you know i was starting to do well when i last wrote ..but then i fell off again and stayed off til last week..

i dont know what happened last week but something did..i have finally gotten my focus back on straight like i had before and now i am just taking it one day at a time..but i have to do it everyday..and thats the key..everyday..i am walking and keeping my calories at 1200 and sometime soon i will drink some water..but last tuesday i decided that i cant keep not caring ..because if i keep that up i wont be around to not care sooner than i thought..it is a process that takes everyday to get through..

we have problems that arise and events that happen everyday that is going to put us in situations where we are going to be near sweets or pop or tons of food that is not good for us..the key to it is moderation..if you know you are going to be in that kind of situation eat very little and look over the food at the party..if you know you are going to be eating at the party then make sure you get some exercise before you go and just know that you can only allow yourself so many calories.its not the food that is important..its the friends and family that are there to enjoy..if you are like me ..you are the one who is the picture taker at every event..
i take pictures every where i go and so i usually dont eat very much when i am there..

i have been doing well this week..i have walked all week and actually got to 2.25 miles by friday and now i am going to work towards 3 miles starting tomorrow..i feel good about it this time..i really think i am going to get it all off now..
its something i have never done yet and i believe i will make it this time..

i am doing the 1200 calories and walking everyday..i ended up gaining back up to 322 and now i am going down again..the last i weighed i was 319 last week..so we will see how this last week went..i am back to school now in january..i finally was able to get back to school..so i am excited..3 more semesters and i graduate with my bachelors degree..well i will be back on more often than i have been now..

i hope you all have a wonderful moday..
kelli

water..me drink water..!lol

2010-11-17T23:12:00.002-06:00

i was playing around after i colored my hair..i like it..not too different ..

i think this is the way i feel right now..i cant seem to get going on the water..i am doing good about keeping on track with the calories..i just dont eat anymore after i have reached my limit..im doing okay there..its been so cold here this week that i cant seem to get out and walk..i need to exercise and quit talking about it and just do it..so before i go to sleep toight i am going to do my shake weight..6 minutes shouldnt hurt me in any way..so i will do it for tonight..

today we ended up at the stockade ..my sisters favorite place..i like it but i cant afford it right now so i wsnt too happy about going..but we went and i ate salad first and then i had brocali and the pot roast ..just the meat and then i had a roll..i did have a brownie and a piece of angel food cake and so i wasnt too bad..cause when i came home i didnt eat anything after that..so this was my meal of the day..i had eaten a cup of cereal and that was it..no reg.pop but no water either..i really need to get some water down me ..i came home and colored my hair tonight..my roots were starting to really become black and grey..so i had to do something..

i kinda feel better than i have been which is good..i need to get with it and stay with it..i was doing so well and then poof something stopped and i ballooned out again..it wasnt fun..believe me my self esteem went with it..but i feel better knowing i can control what i eat and how much i eat..that this is one thing i can do for myself..to feel better and once i look better i will feel better..so it just goes hand in hand..hope you all are having a good journey as well..i know there are alot of people who are out there doing the same thing i am right now and feeling just like me..like they will never get it off..believe me it can be done..we can do this..we just have to believe in ourselves enough and want it enough to do it..we have to if we want to live for as long as we are allowed to live..

so please dont think you are alone in this..we are all doing this together and it is a rough road ..but we will make it with Gods help and the help of our friends everywhere we will do this..
until tomorrow..make good choices im going tooo
kelli

i stayed on track today..

2010-11-17T01:14:00.000-06:00

this is sean today at 230 pounds and sean when he was about 12..he started earlyin life being heavy..go to www.losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com

well today was a good day..i stayed on track and still had calories to go even when i was getting ready to be in bed..i got to 1300 calories and did good there..i havent started the water today nor have i started the exercise..i said i was going to last night but i didnt..i always find something else to do and i cant do that anymore...even if i am just doing something in my room ..i need to be doing it..i could be doing the shake weight..after all i bought it to work on my arms ..i might as well use it..

i will do something tomorrow and i will drink water too..these are important things to do and i need to put them into my daily schedule of things that are important to do..i didnt drink any reg. pop today but i did drink diet pop and i am really wanting to get off the pop altogether..i dont need the sweeteners and i dont need the sugar..so i dont need the pop..its something that i should look at as evil instead of something i cherish..because it doesnt do any good for me ..it only hurts..

well sean came back here today to weigh on the scales he started out on..for those of you who do not know sean ..he is my nephew/brother..my sisters child but we were raised together only 3 years apart..so we really are like brother and sister..but sean is the one who started this blogging and lost his weight doing it..he had a goal of 230 sept. 15,2008 ..he was 505 pounds when he started and today he weighed 230 pounds ..2 years and 2 months later..he is truly awesome and now he helps people along their journey..he is an inspiration to so many people..

sometimes when i think of him i end up thinking of the little boy that always wanted the same thing i had and always wanted to stay at home with me when i didnt want any one too..he was always an onery kid but when he ad i became 12 and 15 we decided to become friends and go against our parents..lol so we never told on each other after that..we were best buddies to each other then..

now as he is an older man ..i see his kids act like he did and they were just like he and i were..and then one day they became friends..that was cool..i am very proud of my little brother and i hope he knows that..i know our family ..well we have always been close at least the last 20 years and i know we all are very proud of sean and we love him very much..he is a smart and funny man with a big heart and compassion for everyone he sees..he truly wants to help people and i can see that in him..his girls are the same way..they truly care and i am so glad they do..i think it is so great the kind of example he is setting in front of his children..you doing great sean..and i am very proud to be your big sister....i love you brother and i hope i can do what you have just done..see were still kids..now i want what you have..lol funny isnt it.. lol

you all take care
kelli

i gained the weight back , but i have to get if off..

2010-11-15T17:42:00.002-06:00

our fall weather is now turning into winter..

i know i keep going back and forth and i say one thing and end up doing another..its like i dont know what i am talking about or even care..like i am just talking and not meaning anything by it..well i do mean it..i just dont seem to know how to do it..or i am making it hard for me to do..i think that it is it..i am just making it hard..i mean sean did it and he made it the easiest thing in the world ..even though we know its not..but he lost it all in 2 years..i can do the same..i know i can i just have to be consistent thats the key..

i weighed today..oh my i weighed and wasnt too shocked just disappointed i guess..i weighed 322..i have gained back 26 pounds from when i had lost down to 296..i dont know what stopped me but something did..something stopped me bad ..cause i started to drink pop and didnt care about my calories anymore..and walking what was that..now when i go walk i will probably have to go back to a block the first time..i am just so disappointed in me..i could be closer to my goal by now and now i am starting over again..

well i have such great support on facebook and here..i know writing my blog everyday is something i need to do consistently as well..i need to be accountable for myself and for what i eat and drink..because drinking pop is the biggest addiction for me..i can leave some food alone but pop..let me at it...lol

today so far i have had 1130 calories ..i am at the calorie counting stage..i know i need to count carbs as well but i am going to make it as simple as possible and count my calories..i have had diet pop some not alot..and i will have water before the night is up..i ate roasted chicken ..what i ate with it is not the best in diet food but i am just counting calories so its how many calories i eat not what i eat that i am looking at today..

gaining this weight back just makes me feel like i am never going to get it off ..no matter how hard i try..but i cant feel like that..i cant give up on it..i know God is with me thru everything i do and everything that happens to me..and i know i have control over what i put into my mouth and how much i put into my mouth..so what i need to do is use the control i have and eat the right portions..its all portion control..its all mental how you think about it..if you can see yourself doing this then it will happen..but if you are around too much negative vibes you wont do this because you wont believe you can..

i believe i can now..i know i have too..i want too because i want to live..i want to see myself thin for once..i want my mamma to see me thin..my dad didnt get too but now i have a chance to show my momma what i would look like thin..i want to because i know i can do this and i want to do it..

i dont want to be full of talk..i dont want to be just a dreamer..i want this to be a realistic dream..my goal for right now is 2 pounds a week..i really think i can manage that goal ..and if i lose more then great but 2 pounds is what i am shooting for..i am going to walk or do some sort of exercise ..right now its so cold i cant seem to get out and walk..plus its raining..i want my legs to get better and stop swelling up everyday..since i gained the weight my legs have really swollen up and somedays i cant even put my shoes on..so i want that to go away..i want to be healthy..im too young to not be healthy..

im going to do this and do it for me..thats why i want to do it..for me!
thank you all for supporting me thru this..
think good thoughts..
kelli

i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

2010-11-07T15:36:00.002-06:00

oreo in one of his many poses..he was quite a character..

i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..i can i know i can..this is something i have been hearing in my head all day..i know i can..i have faith that God is going to be with me all the way through this..i know He will..

i have had a bad couple of weeks..i got through it..but it wasnt fun..we had two family deaths within a couple of days and then two days ago..my cat oreo died actually was killed..we think he got hit by a car..he was bleeding on the side of his head..i have went through sort of an intervention with my friend..who has been so trying to get me to start again or just do something..i havent found a job and have student loans driving me crazy..but i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..

i have to believe this and keep saying it in my heart..i am so afraid i have gained my weight back that i lost before..my chin has come back and now i know if i go out and walk..i wont be able to walk more than a block..but i need to do that..i need to start..i wont get to the end until i start at the beginning..im gonna miss oreo when i walk..he was the one who always liked to walk with me..and he would ride with my sister..she was always walking with the walker so he would ride..he had some kittens before he died..but now the mother cat has taken them away and we dont know where they are..but we have sofie and tux..they are loyal..they have been here since we moved here 11 years ago..

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME..wow what a verse..something that means so much..i know God is with me through it all..and i am going to do this..i am going to be healthy and fit..it may not be right at the moment i want it to be ..but i will get there...it will happen..i dont want to let my friends and family down..but most of all i dont want to let myself down..and i will if i dont do something now..it wont come off by it self..we have to do this for ourselves ..so i am going to do this now..and keep going until its done..this is life not a diet..life..

have a wonderful sunday..
kelli

well i think i better try water...

2010-10-25T21:20:00.002-05:00

this is some of the nature i have been looking at lately...pretty fall colors..

i have had a day of being so swollen i could barely get my feet into my shoes..i dont know what happened..but the shoes wouldnt go on my feet today..i have had a really bad day with the legs being as swollen as they are...if i had known that my life would be like this...i just dont think i would have gained all that weight...i gained back some weight lately and now i cant get through areas i could before..this is something i have got to get off..i am feeling so bad again and my legs are becoming swollen like before..what has happened to me that i just lost it...i just fell apart like i didnt care anymore...

i have been getting so many people telling me that water really works for the legs..and i know it would..i just have this slight fear about water...i almost drowned as a kid and i just cant stand water anymore...i was even terrified when i got baptized..lol but i have decided i need to do the water..i need to jump in head first and do it..i need to for my poor legs..i know my legs would be so much better if i would be in water part of the time..i know it would help me lose the weight too..i just have to do it and not think about it..

if i hadnt had reg..pop i would have done okay with the watching..we went to cicis today but i had salad ..the only thing is i had a brownie and a cinnimon roll too plus pop...but i have made up my mind that if i go there again..i will only have salad..you can just buy the salad bar..and that is what i will do.. i came home and layed down and put my legs up but they are still swollen up..so now i have switched rooms with my brother to lay down on a bed..and put them up all night..maybe that will help...i hope so..

i have to get back to the way i was going before..i was losing and doing so well and then all of a sudden it just stopped and i found myself gaining it back..i cant do this anymore..but i have not had anymore hate email ..and i really dont think this person is going to send me anymore..i think this person just snapped all of a sudden and then realized what she did...but i will always forgive ..its just my nature..

i will not have anyone tell me how to go about my life and if i am bothering this person with the way i look or the pictures i take then this person can look the other way..they dont have to see me or my pictures...but i do think i will check this water aerobics out...that would be good for me and my legs...lol

well tomorrow is going to be a better day because i am gong to make it that way..
i am going to watch it better and try and walk outside..i have to do this again..
have a good night..
kelli

well this has been a weekend..

2010-10-25T00:17:00.005-05:00

this was our homecoming parade this weekend..and getting my mom and brother to go with me and my sister was quite the miracle in itself..so here are pictures of that day..it was fun..oh there is one picture here that is me and my cousins..and our mothers...we are first cousins..just a few of us here..i have alot of cousins..

here is the birthday boy..he turned a big 39 on saturday and we celebrated on sunday because he went to the homecoming game...without us...lol but it was fun..

well i know i havent been on here for a while..i have been having a bad weekend besides having 2 people in my family die within 3 days apart..we now have 2 funerals to attend..one is over with and the other one is this coming week..so watching my weight is something i havent been able to do very well lately...but then i have had some hate email the last couple of days that has really bothered me..i honestly do not know who this person is ...but it has bothered me that someone dislikes me so much that they would be as hurtful as this person was...

we all want to be liked and being liked is something i guess i was always insecure about..i couldnt see someone not liking me ..i try and be the nicest person i can and this person could not see how nice i really am and the kind of heart i have..

i need to stop thinking about this because it just makes it hurt more...i am trying to get back to watching the weight because i know i need too...i know if i dont i will be just the same as killing myself and for me i really dont need that...i havent felt like doing much of anything since this email and i need to stop letting this person have control like this..i need to let God take care of it and leave it alone....

i have been trying to eat alot of salads and trying to stay away from food i dont need..lately i just havent had a lot of luck with any of it ..frankly i just havent tried that hard..i dont know how to do this blogging anymore.i dot even feel like it..i know that this is my personal story of my ups and downs and its not supposed to be anything but my accountability to weight loss..but i am a very personable person..i get things out in the open..there isnt anything i dont mind talking about..thats just me, and if it helps someone else then i have done good by it..i like helping others, i always have..if i can i will..the first thing for me right now is to help myself..i need to help me by concentrating on getting back to walking and getting my self power back...i lost it the other night when i let this other person take it...

this person talked about how bad my teeth were and how sick they were of me taking pictures all the time and being pictures of me..and talked about my geriatric family and how this world doesnt revolve around me and my family...then they talked about how i cant get a man or even keep a man...how i put too much out there for people to see ...well i am putting it out there for you all to see..i am telling you all this so you will understand how awful i have felt this weekend..this is just a portion of the email..they also talked about how disrespectful i was by taking pictures at my cousins before service..at the park..it wasnt during the funeral it was at the park..
ther eis so much more in this email and i know i need to leave it behind me..i told the person i would accept the appology and i am going to have to and leave it alone..this person sounds like a lady and so i will say she said she was having problems with her parents and took it out on me...well whoopi do..we all have problems with people and we dont go crazy on someone else over it..

anyway i guess i will leave it here..i know she reads this blog because this was another problem she had with me..so if you dont like me then go away..you dont have to read about my life or look at my pictures..all of this is my business..not anyone elses...

i hope you all have a good week..i dont know when i will be on here again..maybe tomorrow maybe not..i dont know..
goodnight all
kelli

hi i am feeling better

2010-10-18T01:59:00.002-05:00

my cousin ronnie when he was a boy..he was 51 ..

i know i was just getting started again and then poof..i got sick..i have been down for 4 days with a migraine headache..oh my its been bad..the light the noise..the people walking around..oh the swirling ..now i am making myself sick again..lol

this has been a really bad weekend...i got to where i was about to throw up and ate hardly anything..i think i did get some calories in but not all the calories i needed...but i am trying to get better now..i am still on the verge but it hopefully it wont happen..

tonight as i was trying to feel better we got news that my cousin had died this evening..we didnt even know he was this sick...he had moved to another city and didtnt tell anyone where he was..i guess one of our cousins found out and kept in touch the last few months..but he was only 51 and was a close cousin with my brother being the same age range..

but i am trying to get my focus back to feeling good and then onto losing this weight..it has to come off..i am just glad i am not around the candy bars anymore..man they were such a tempting thing to have around..and we never sold them so they were just there day after day...

now i have just got to get to a job that doesnt have food around all the time..i hope i can find one like that..looking for work is not fun..very stressful..
well i think i will go back to bed..i am floating today from all the meds i am taking for the migrine..i even got a shot and took 3 pills..i sure hope it goes completely away...

talk to you tomorrow
kelli

its getting easier again..

2010-10-13T21:30:00.004-05:00

i dont want to look this way again..my picture now is the purple but i will not look like i did before ever again..

today has been a good day despite the fact that we had a earthquake with a magnitude of 5.1 ..it was actually felt around here and that is something that never happens..but its beginning to be different weather for the whole world so who knows what tomorrow is going to bring...

anyway we are okay and everyone is doing good..this was a good day mentally too..i knew i just cant say i am going to do something and do it for 1 day and get off of it..i knew i couldnt do that..if i am going to get healthy and lose this weight ..then i am going to keep doing this til it all comes off..one night isnt going to do it..i got up today and ate the plain yogurt with cinnimon and a banana and it kinda made me sick but it was good anyway...then we went for our ride..for some reason i dont want my mom to get so confused about things that she gets scared..she knows we go everyday and for her she thinks we are supposed to go everyday..now for me i dont have to leave this house everyday..but we do even if its just to ride around..but today my sister wanted to go to ci ci 's and they have a buffet there that is really cheap right now and actually next week is going to be even cheaper..

BUT its the buffet that has the brownies and the cinnimon rolls and the pizza..and i normally cant control myself when i am there..i always end up getting at least 3 brownies and cinnimon rolls and i always get the dr.pepper in the big cups..32 ounces. this is not a good place for me..

but i decided that if i was going in there i wasnt getting the buffet..only the salad bar..this way i couldnt get the brownie or the pizza ..and i only got a small drink and ended up drinking tea without sweetners..so i had 2 plates of salad and tea...that was it ..didnt get one brownie or roll..no sweets at all..i did good..i watched the other people around me stuffing themselves and not realizing it..lol

i like this pizza place because of the nice manager and the salad bar is really good ..and cheap..but the strength of passing up the brownies and the cinni rolls when i could easily have gotten some was the greatest part of that visit..to know i can go in there and be okay with just getting salad and having tea is quite the miracle in itself..i know for a fact that God is giving me strength to keep going on this journey...He has to be..because i just havent had it for myself lately..

when we came home and i ate some mixed veggies and some green pepper ..i then made a bowl of sugar free chocolate pudding..my mom can eat that and that seemed to be something we all liked..i had never actually made it so i learned something new tonight too..that was good stuff..
after that i went out and walked ..i did as much as i could do..i walked almost a mile around the park and then my legs were really giving out on me..so i did about 25 minutes tonight..a little more everyday..so today has been good and my mentality about the food is really starting to work just like sean says..i am watching my carbs and my calories and iam walking..now onto the water ..maybe that will be tomorrow..whoohoo what a difference a few days make in a persons mind...

have a wonderful thursday..
kelli

well today is a more focused day than before..

2010-10-12T21:25:00.003-05:00

okay this is the food my sister and i fixed today..it is a start for us..were both so used to going to wendys or charlies chicken and getting our meal there that it is a change for us all to fix anything at home..but we did today and it was good..

we are going to start fixing our meals here..if we go out to sit down ..at least i am not eating there..my sister ate a side salad which looked good..and my mom ate her mashed potatoes like she always does..but i just sat there with them..i had a drink and i am going to have to figure out what kind of drink from now on..because having a diet coke is just as bad as having a regular coke except for the calories..but all the sweetners in it is so bad for us..

well i got up to yogurt and a banana today and had tomatoes at wendys then when we got home we fixed the meal which just doesnt take long to fix ..we had grilled chicken and mixed veggies and cranberry sauce and then had some salad food for us..i am pretty sure i have gotten close to 1200 calories ..i know i havent gone over which is what i like ..then this evening i went out and walked for 20 minutes ..my legs are so swollen right now that its hard for me to walk very long at a time..my right leg is twice as big as my left leg again..its really worrying me but if i just get out there and walk every night..my legs will go down..i know they will..they did before..

so today has been a lot better day than before ...i am so glad ..for some reason i dont feel so good mentally right now but i know i will be fine..i have God on my side and that is all i need..

i sure hope you all are having a great day today..thank you all for being on my side with me to support me through this tough time with the weight loss..i appreciate you all..

kelli

i feel fat..

2010-10-11T01:14:00.002-05:00

me when i was 15 and me and sean with my dad when we were little..

i really feel fat today..i feel like i have gained all my weight back and now i have to start all over again..i just dont know how to keep doing this..i feel lost right now..everyone i know has been trying their hardest to get me back on track ..nobody wants me to die..i dont want too either, but i just dont know how to do this..i feel so lost..like i have wandered into the woods instead of being on the main highway to weightloss central....lol

i have been off the pop today..dont think i did badly on the calories but i dont think i did extremely well..i didnt walk and walking seems to be the hardest thing for me to do right now..i dont know why..i was really going after it for a while..and now i cant walk without my legs swelling really badly and hurting just to walk..i dont even feel like doing these blogs much anymore..i think i have really hit bottom on this and i dont know how to get back up..i really have too ..i keep remembering my doctor told me i had no choice..that if i didnt do something now i wouldnt be here when i am fifty.. well 50 is not too far away..i really just have to do this..i have to start watching the calories and not making this such a mountain..

im just tired and i just dont know how to keep going ..even though i know i have to keep going..i did go to the doctor a couple of weeks ago..he did some blood tests and they came up that i am anemic and have to take iron and a vitamin..he didnt know what was causing the blood in the urine but it has stopped now..so i am not sure myself either..thank you all for the concern..

i hope you have a good monday..
kelli

well i need motivation..

2010-10-07T19:52:00.003-05:00

this flower bloomed yesterday at our house..a late bloomer like me..lol

i need some motivation ya all..im not sure how to get it together again..i started doing something today..i wont say i did great because i didnt..but i did okay..i took the first step..i stayed off of the regular dr.pepper..that is the first thing for me..my sister did okay too..she is getting hers back as well..

but today i dont know what it was but i decided i had to take the first step again..i wont say that i wont fall off again but i hope i dont..i dont need too..i have done nothing but eat what i wanted and drink pop for 2 weeks straight and probably longer than that..i know in the last 6 weeks i have gained back 13 pounds..not a good thing..really isnt..this is the first step back again..i will try again and again til i get it..i am not giving up on it because i need to be healthy and stay alive for me and my family.. what is your motivation everyone..? i need to be alive and be healthy..what gets you moving in the morning..?

so this is the first day to forever.....

enjoy your night..
kelli

im on my way back

2010-09-25T22:49:00.002-05:00

me and my momma at charlies today..

i know i have been gone for a week now and thats not good..i felt so good on monday but then i seemed to slip up the rest of the week..i havent gotten started walking yet either and i need to so bad, or i am going to be so swollen i wont be able to walk again..

i know i am doing wrong here..i know i am not treating myself right..this is a choice and i take full responsibility for it..i have ruined this week myself...i want to get back on track and by doing that i have to stop eating the ice cream like i have been..not altogether but everyday yes...i need to stop with the pop..i cant let myself go as george strait sings she let herself go..yea i have and now i am feeling it..i am seeing it too..my chin is coming back at me and i hate that..

is drinking reg.pop so important to me that i end up killing myself..no its not..but i seem to think it is..i seem to put the food and pop way up there on the ladder and i shouldnt..yes we need to eat and drink but not so much we kill ourself..

i havent felt good all week and i am now out of work and looking for a job..so i am stressed but i cant let the stress get to me.i have to put it in a different catagory..it has to be separate...if i dont make it separate ..i will keep doing the same thing over and over again..i cant so that..but i do have to go to the doctor monday..im bleeding in my urine really bad so please pray for me..this has been happening all week long..so i havent felt well..

but i have to start walking again and drinking my water and really watching the calories..i noticed with myself today i didnt even think about how many calories i was having and that is so not good...

i am going to bed now..goodnight
enjoy your sunday..
kelli

i feel refreshed today..

2010-09-20T16:25:00.002-05:00

me now and me before i ever started doing anything at 356..

i know i have been talking everyday like i wasnt sure of how to do this and i needed help..and i do need help..we all need help..but today i got up and i felt like a new energy had emerged inside me ..i feel refreshed and its something i hadnt felt in a long time..really not since i stopped walking..

i feel good ..i dont know exactly how i am going to do this but i do know i am taking it one hour at a time..all i can do..its a gift to be able to do this..to be given this chance to turn my health around..to be able to live before i die..i need to honor the chance that God has given me and do this not only for me but for God..He is the one who has allowed me to see that i have to do this or i will die and not by Gods choice..but my own..im killing me..we all are if we dont see it now and do something about it..we will eventually be put into a pine box and put under ..and that i dont want for a long time to come..sure i want to see my relatives but not til God says its time..

so today is a new day and i will rejoice in it and be glad i have it to deal with..
today i am not drinking pop..i got back on the water today..i am drinking it as i write..today i will walk ..and i will watch the calories and not watch them go down my throat but watch how many i put in my mouth..today is a new start to a great journey..thank you all for trying so hard to help me..i appreciate all of you..

enjoy the day..
kelli

well its a day to day thing!

2010-09-18T19:54:00.003-05:00

here iam sitting here at my snocone stand and being as bored as i can be without going crazy..and actually this has been a day where i didnt have the cravings for the snickers or the peanut butter cups..it didnt bother me that they were here..maybe i am getting over the craving..i hope so..

sean came to see me before the game today and was trying to explain things to me..all my friends have been trying to explain things..i know everyone means well..i have to do it again..i have to get up and get going and quit talking about doing it and just do it...i cant let it get so hard that i dread trying again..because it isnt hard..its just different..its a focus everyday on what i am going to be eating and how much water am i going to drink ..it takes effort to do it..and for some reason i just didnt want to put the effort in but i wanted to see results anyway..now tell me if that makes sense..lol

but i am going to try harder to put more of an effort out..because i dont want to end up in a wheelchair or bedridden because i ate myself to death..or death..i dont want that..i need to feel the freedom that sean feels everyday..i need to do this..

i didnt do well but i didnt do awful today either..i wasnt hungry today but i did end up eating the tacos that sean brought me..i didnt make the right choices before i came to work..i ended up getting a ice cream mix from braums before i got here..so i had already made a bad choice..but i have to do better..

tomorrow is another day and hopefully wont be like today was for me..
kelli

im not sure why i am not trying as hard as i should!

2010-09-16T22:36:00.003-05:00

i made this of my nephew sean today..he is amazing..going from 505 to 234 is a miricle..and God allowed him to do it..

i know the title sounds like a statement..and it is actually..its the main point for this blog tonight..im just not sure why iam not giving it my all..why am i staying at this weight and even gaining back up to 300..why arent i excited about losing and keep going..i keep thinking i will get right back on track and then i dont..and i talk about it everytime i write a blog..i feel like i am being a big talker and not a doer..

i dont like to just talk, i never have liked it when people just talked about what they were going to do all the time..i actually would rather just do and not talk about it at all..in fact it took me along time to start writing this blog because i just didnt think it would help me..why would writing my feelings down help me lose weight..well i think mentally it does help ..it helps me to understand where iam at in my mind, and what is going on to get me where i need to be..

tonight i just didnt walk..i made the choice to not do it and i didnt do it..i didnt drink my water and i didnt watch the calories..i am finding myself right back in the same boat i was before i started losing..i am seeing myself being stressed and my mentality is just i am not caring ..even though i do care it certainly looks like i dont by the way i am doing things right now..i guess i am just really stressed...

i have got to do this..i have to for me ..for my health..i cant just stop because i feel like it..this is a life or death situation for me..my walking is a life or death situation for me...so i will have to get this into my head that its not that hard..just walk and drink water and 1300 calories..thats all its really simple..so how come i cant see it as clearly as i did before..i need some help with this..i just cant do it by myself...

enjoy the night..
kelli

today is today..a new day for us all

2010-09-14T16:06:00.003-05:00

well these are alot of the past family pictures..i had auburn hair when i was in my teens of course i colored it that way..but i wanted to be a model and this is one of my headshots back then..then we have amber and courtney when they were small..seans kids..and then me again after a few years..i was big and still am just not as big..
still a nice person though..

i haven't written in a few days..i have been busy working and busy visiting with my friends..last night i went through my old pictures and found tons of them..so you will probably be seeing some on seans blog as well as mine..i keep these pictures for the memories of all our family..we dont need to dwell on the past but enjoy thinking back with fond memories of the past..of course in these pictures sean and i are both heavy and it will be fun to see what we look like slim..of course sean is finding out now what thats like and that is why he likes to see the pictures so much..

i know what he is going through there..he has changed his whole life and he likes to look back and see where he came from and how he got there..believe me he never used to like to take pictures..i fact my whole family was and is like that..but i like to preserve the memories for everyone..im a family photographer..an historian..

but i really wish it was as easy for me to lose weight as it is to take a picture..boy would i be small..hehe but i guess sometimes the things that are the hardest for us to do mean the most when we get them done..i know when i have all my weight off, this will be the biggest accomplishment in my life..second is getting my degree..2 big things and i am trying to make it happen at the same time..wow that will be a lot of pictures..lol

i am not sure why i have been putting off walking..i know walking makes me feel better and i know without it i will not lose the weight..i truly think you have to do all 3 together to lose ..you have to watch your calories and your carbs and you have to drink your water..and you have to exercise..whether your walking or do some cardio ..you have to do it..and you have to be consistent with it..if you want results you have to put the effort out there...so now why am i not doing this..?

i keep talking everyday that i am going to walk..i am going to drink my water and everyday i mess it up..i dont consistently do it at least right now im not..i know stress can play a major role in weightloss or weight gain..i know it has for me..right now i am trying to look for a full time job in an economy where the jobs are not around..i have 2 weeks to find a job ..it doesnt even matter to me now if its a good job or just a job..because in 2 weeks i will be out of a job and i know i will be more stressed than i am now...
i am doing pretty good being around these candy bars all day..at least i dont sit here and eat them all day long..boy that would make me sick..well i have had plenty of calories already because i did something i dont like ..i went and got a dr.pepper..to take with me to work..i knew i did something i wasnt supposed to do but there was the rebellion side coming out and in my own mind it was saying well if people like you they can like you fat..you dont have to do without all the stuff you enjoy just to please others...have we all heard that voice..the one we would like to slap everytime it opens its big trap..hehe

well i let it talk today and now i wish i hadnt..it added 400 calories to my food bank and i didnt want that...but now i know enough to not listen to it when it tries to tell me its okay ..because really im doing this for me and my health..and i need to do it..so that voice is going to have be on my side or else it just better be still..hehe

i am hoping i will walk tonight before i get off of work..i can walk in front of the stand and i think i will..it feels pretty good today so it wont be too hot..i am going to get some water down me too..i dont know how much but i am going to drink some..today is a good day mentally its a good day..and i am very aware of what i did wrong to mess my calories up so now i will just try and keep going and do the best i can for the rest of the day.

enjoy the evening
kelli

i am making me strong...

2010-09-11T19:36:00.003-05:00

i am at work right now and all day i have been sitting here looking at the candy bars..knowing i cant have any or i will be sick again..do you know how hard it is to look at candy bars knowing that..? its a tough thing to go through..really i will be so glad when we close for the year..even though i dont have another job right now..and really arent there temptations everywhere..i mean at school we have vending machines and the student union food court...wow thats a tempting place to be..

so to be honest about this ..its all in my mind..if i can control my mind and keep telling myself i dont need this candy..then maybe i can get past it all..at least thats what i am doing today..i am letting myself know i dont want to be sick again..i dont want the calories empty ones at that..there isnt any nutricious value to a candy bar..

i need some help drinking my water..for some reason i cant get back to the water..i am drinking diet coke which isnt going to let me lose anything..why is it that we cant lose weight on diet drinks..that just isnt fair..they take the good tastes away and then tell us it will help us lose and we end up gaining ..it doesnt sound right to me..

we are so dead right now at the stand..we have a football game right now and were losing but it just started..and so everyone is at the game...but not me..im here staring at candy bars and telling myself no..no..no...hehe i feel stronger today..im so glad..by the time we close for the year they wont even phase me...hehe

well i am gong to walk tonight when i get home..and try and get some water in..i have already had 1370 in calories...gonna be hard to not have anything else..

i guess we made it through this day..
enjoy the weekend..
kelli

well today i became stronger..

2010-09-10T23:03:00.002-05:00

well i struggled and struggled today but i became stronger by the struggling i went through...i know that i dont have to have a candy bar..i dont have to be bored out of my mind and eat because its there..i found strength through my friends..relying on them to help me through the bad cravings..and even though i wasnt around them they were still helping me, because i knew that i had to be honest..so if i ate a candy bar i had to let them know it..and that would defeat the purpose for me ..i am trying so hard to become stronger with my cravings and getting past them..

my friend glen told me to go walk..so i did..at least i tried too..i was at work and had been there all day..i wasnt supposed to be there past 6 but one of the girls didnt show up and so i had to do it..not my idea of a fun friday night but it is what it is..

i hadnt gotten anything to eat so i was hungry ..its not a good thing to be hungry and be around candy..so i was being tempted..but i ended up overcoming it...i was so happy that i did...i really struggled with it today..and i know tomorrow may be the same way..but it will be another day to be a little stronger..i tried to go out and walk tonight at work..i went out and started to walk then i got a customer then i went again and i got a customer..i tried the last time and finally got to walk for 10 minutes before i got another customer..it was something...at least i got through the cravings and that was the important thing..

i ate 1300 calories right on the nose today but i didnt have any water..i didnt drink any reg.pop so that was good..im getting back on the right track..its just taking me a few days..

lets enjoy the weekend and pray for safety for tomorrow..
kelli

what am i doing to myself..?

2010-09-08T19:36:00.003-05:00

its raining cats and dogs here today too..!

i just dont get it..i dont know why i get up wanting to do well and starting out good..and then by the end of the day i have done something to lose control of my focus..i dont know why..am i not wanting to get this off ? am i subconsciously not wanting to lose weight..? i sure hope not..cause i know on the outside i want too..consciously i need too, and i want too...i have so much support from my friends and my family..why do i keep doing this to myself..

i got up today and wanted to do good..i didnt have any sleep last night..i slept from 130 to 330 am and never again after that..i have jumpy legs and they hurt like everything especially at night and with this weather we are having it just keeps hurting..i wanted to walk this morning but it was raining and it hadnt stopped yet..were supposed to be getting 4 to 5 inches before the night is through...

but i got up and ate an atkins bar in fact i had two of them today..not a good start...but then we went to taco mayo and my sister and i ate the platter ..i know we didnt have an over abundance of calories in this but i did something i wish i hadnt done now..i got reg. pop in fact i got dr.pepper..not good..really not good.

look at all the empty calories i just had..thats why i say why do i keep doing this to myself..why am i making it so hard for myself to lose weight..? why cant i get my focus back..i want to lose this weight but it looks like i dont..and sometimes i wonder if i do..am i so scared that nothing is going to change when i lose the weight that i wont do it..am i scared of how big a change it will be..? am i just so hurt that people wont go out with me this way but boy wait til i lose weight and they will line up at the door..i dont think so but it could happen..hehe

is this the reason i am making it worse for myself...? i really dont know..i get up with good intentions and go to bed without my focus..something has got to change..

be safe..
kelli

well its day to day..

2010-09-07T22:24:00.002-05:00

me in my cool hat..hehe

well today has been a day where i just had to take it one step at a time..i guess we have to do it that way every day..but i got up and weighed early this morning and i wasnt too surprised..but i wasnt liking it either..it wasnt what i wanted to see..i had gained 3 pounds back and i wasnt liking this..

i decided i had to get my focus back..i had to do something..i cant keep this up or i will be gaining all my weight back..i dont want that..so i decided if i couldnt walk tonight because it was supposed to rain but it didnt..so i said to myself..i have to workout..i have to walk or workout..one or the other..i had to get moving..i had too..i dont want to die early..i dont want to feel so overly fat that i cant move..or feel so awful that i end up with shortness of breath and not being able to walk..i dont want too...i really dont..

so i started out good..i started out focused and counting every calorie that i put in my mouth..i didnt drink my water though..for some reason i cant get started drinking it again..but i counted and did pretty good..i had around 1350 in calories..i was so happy..i did better than the last few days..

but i went to work today and had my grilled chicken go wraps..and then tonight the snickers bars kept calling my name..boy i wish my uncle hadnt put those candy bars over at my stand..they call my name every day..but i looked the other way and ate a piece of beef jerky instead..it was good..i decided i needed to go walk..so i went out and walked around the stand..a little boy kept watching me walk and looking at me like i was crazy..i was walking around in circles..but i didnt care..i felt good walking tonight..i did 20 minutes without stopping..whoohoo..it was fun..

so today i did better and i will continue to do better day by day..i have to take it one day at a time..thats all i have..so onto tomorrow and another better day..
lets all focus on the good stuff..
kelli

the weekend is over..

2010-09-06T22:45:00.006-05:00

this is my cousin brittany and she makes all this jewelry..she is really good..

labor day is over now..were into september and hopefully cooler weather..i really cant wait..i love the fall and all the fall colors ..i enjoy walking in the fall..it is so much nicer outside..i have chosen to just not watch anything today..for some reason..i really dont know why but i did..

im not sure what is going on that i am not watching things clearly right now..but i am thinking about it and trying to figure it out for myself..i have been on my sisters computer all day trying to fix it and get it from freezing all the time..i didnt go walk tonight..i just dont know why..i want to do this but for some reason this weekend i just havent put my effort into it..

on saturday i went to see my cousins jewelry and she is making some new kind of jewelry which is really cool..its called the calorie counting bracelet and you wear it on your wrist and it has a charm that you can pick out..and you move it for every 50 to 100 calories ..you move it up from the heart in the middle..i have one and it does really help you focus on your calories..i was using it the other day and just kept moving it up..lol..i didnt like that but i was eating that much..
this is the link to it if you would like to look at it and maybe order some..they are very pretty and they would make really nice gifts for girls and women..www.CountOnMeJewelry.com, and www.BrittanysStore.com
both very nice websites..you know Christmas is coming up.. she is a very talented young lady even if she is my cousin..hehe
but go check her out..

i will do better this week..i know i cant keep thinking everything is going to be okay tomorrow unless i do something tomorrow which is today..and for some reason i just didnt have it in me to do it today..i hope i will feel better when i awake..

well i made my choice today..

2010-09-04T23:09:00.003-05:00

me and my mamma at cici's...and my cousins with their mamma..
brittany makes the jewelry..its very pretty..i will tell you all about it soon..

today was a day where we went and had different choices to make considering food..we started the day getting up late ..but its saturday so i guess its okay..well this is the day we were going to have hot dogs and popcorn and cotton candy at work..we had regular pop and all we were trying to do was get the snocone stand started like a re-grand opening...anyway i didnt have to work this whole weekend which isnt what i wanted but it was nice anyway..well we went to see the whole thing at the stand and get a hot dog..i wasnt going to get the pop..i think as a pop addict..i really need to keep myself completely away from pop..its too addictive and i cant afford the calories..

well i had 2 cans of pop..not something i needed to do but i did it anyway..i ended up with a hot dog..no cotton candy though..so that was good..but we then went to cici's pizza so we had pizza and brownies and i had salad..and i had regular pop..i had so many calories tonight i didnt even want to count them..it was my choice..i didnt have to eat the food..i didnt have to drink the pop..i didnt have to eat the hot dog..

i ate so much today i made myself sick..not good..really not good..but i am not going to do this tomorrow..i am not going to drink the pop tomorrow..i will not eat like a pig tomorrow..i really did too..i didnt eat tons..but i felt like it..

anyway i am going to walk tomorrow and drink my water tomorrow..i will do so much better tomorrow..i will not fall off tomorrow..and i didnt fall off tonight..i made the choice to do it..i knew what i was doing..i made my choice..thats it and now i am living with it..

i was going to walk tonight but it just got too late and too dark when we came home..so i will make myself walk tomorrow..

have a great day tomorrow and make good choices..i am going too..
enjoy the weekend..
kelli

well its been 6 months and im doing pretty good..

2010-09-03T22:43:00.002-05:00

the beautiful lake i want to walk soon..

well i was just thinking as i was walking my mile and half tonight...i have actually been blogging for 6 months..in 6 months i have done pretty good..i have went from weighing 330 to weighing 296..and i have went from not being able to walk except by a cane and barely able to walk around the block to walking 2 and a half miles at a time..i have gone completely off the pop ..and thats a major thing for me...wow i tell ya getting off of dr.pepper is so much a victory..

i have gone from not drinking any water to drinking 72 ounces of water..everyday..at least most days..hehe..but i am doing so much better..this is such a big thing for me..i still havent kicked the fast food..but im working on it..i have learned and realized that its up to me to make good choices..its my choice everyday ..i can make good choices or bad choices..i can be healthy or i can die early..i have learned so much in 6 months..i have figured it out that i am responsible for me..for my actions and my decisions in life whether its about the things i eat and the exercise i get or if its about what i do in life..its up to me..good or bad..i go thru it ...

i have so much more to lose and so much more to learn..i just keep going until i cant go anymore..this is a lifestyle change..not a diet..its a mentality thing..its all in how much we want to change..if we want it bad enough..we will do our best to change..its all about our choices..

i think the most important thing i have learned is its about my choice..i make the choice to change my life ..i make the choice to do better..if i dont well then thats my choice too..but now i am going towards the next 6 months and i know i will be learning a whole lot more..right now i am going for my goal of 290 by the end of this month..i know i will get there..because its my choice to do better..and i am ..

this has been a fun day..we had our 4th of july fireworks tonight and they were pretty..we enjoyed them...i got in 1300 calories and i walked after the fireworks and did a mile and a half in 30 minutes..so i am pretty much on track for doing 3 miles an hour..i want to walk boomer lake so bad..but i want to be able to walk the whole 3 miles so i have to get better...

i still made the bad choice of not drinking my water..now i didnt drink very much diet pop but i did drink some...i had a bite of a snocone today and it started my eyes and head again..just a bite..i couldnt believe it...i am going to the doctor as soon as i can and be checked for diabetes..

well its getting late so i am getting off..have a good night and good weekend..
enjoy the weekend and be safe..
kelli

i had a good day of good choices..

2010-09-02T23:40:00.003-05:00

you can sure see the difference 60 pounds makes..in my appearance and my mood..my smile..

well today i went to work this afternoon..after i had been up several hours already..but i had not eaten very much today and so when i went to work i did buy 2 tacos from taco bueno and thought okay this will allow me to not look at the candy..

okay so i didnt crave the candy..i really didnt want to feel like i did last night..i wanted to feel good ..not like i was going blind..well tonight i did have a single dip of sherbert..web md said that diabetics can have sherbert..but i dont know..i ate it and now i feel like i did last night..my eyes are going dim..and they hurt..

i wasnt able to walk tonight just simply because of the rain and the fact i wasnt here most of the day..so tomorrow i will walk and make sure i get all my water in..i have had a good day..i was so pleased to find myself not craving the sugar..being as strong as i was about it all and not getting into it..maybe i can whip this craving for sugar and chocolate soon..

i feel so small even though i know i have along way to go..but i am really feeling it now..i am under 300 and going down even more..my clothes are getting big on me and it feels so good to be in big clothes now..cause when i bought them they were just right..hehe..but i know i will get to my goal of 130..it will take me some time..but everything worth it does...

i am starting to see changes in my face and thats a neat thing..i cant wait to see what i will look like around christmas...that will be nice..

my choices today were better..i ate 1320 calories
i didnt walk but will tomorrow..
i didnt drink all my water but i will tomorrow..
i didnt eat any candy bars..yay for me..

my mood is good and positive..yea for me
i think the positive moods really help with how we make the choices in our life..no matter what choice we are making..if its something positive then its going to be a good choice..

so lets make tomorrow a good day for us all..
make good choices and stay positive..
kelli

the choices we make..

2010-09-01T22:53:00.003-05:00

where sean and i grew up..mickey d's....still standing..

i know the choice i make is what i am going to have to live with..i didnt make very good choices today..i was bored at work and the candy bars were sitting in front of me..okay i made the wrong choice..boy did i make the wrong choice..i ate a snickers bar,something i thought would fill me up since i hadnt eatin much today..

so i ate it and i ate other things that were not good too..but the snickers bar made me very sick..i got dizzy and my eyes went blurry and i got sick in the stomach as well..i really think all of a sudden my blood sugar went up because of the chocolate..so now i am going cold turkey off of the chocolate and sugar..i have too..i am so afraid i have full blown diabetes now and its scary to think that..my eyes stayed blurry for a long time and i felt sick for a while...after i ate some actual food ..then my stomach was okay..but my eyes were still bad..

i havent walked tonight either..we were having some bad looking storms and with the way i was feeling i didnt want to go out and walk..

last night i did well..i drank my water and i walked and did a whole mile and a half..i was doing so well and then today for some reason i just got bored, i was at work and we just wasnt busy at the time and the candy bars seemed to be calling my name all day..i am going to have to really ignore that calling..

i am going to do well tomorrow ..i am going to make sure i get my water in and i do my walking and i am going to ignore the candy bars..maybe i will put them somewhere that i cant see right then..that might help..
but i will do better i will make sure i dont eat my 1300 calories in candy bars like i did today..i really didnt do well but i will do better tomorrow ..because tomorrow is another day to do great things and i am going too..

enjoy the night and lets make good choices tomorrow..
kelli

the right focus really pays off..

2010-08-31T12:36:00.004-05:00

me and sean the other day..
the other pictures were me and courtney at christmas time in 2008..then me and sean at my pretend 40th brithday party 2 years ago..
60 pounds can really make a difference...

yesterday was a good day..i focused right and i did what i said i was going to do..i ate enough calories that i wasnt hungry and i got in 1300..i drank enough water that i wasnt floating but i wasnt dying of thirst...hehe ..i drank my 64 ounces of water and liked it..i also walked and felt good about it..i walked my mile and a half and now i am feeling the muscles i had before..
its a good thing i walked and am now getting used to it again..cause today i had to go to osu to pay some of my bursar account and i must of walked a half a mile just trying to find my way to the student union with all the construction going on..im trying to get back to school..but right now i am going through a setback of paying my account and when its paid then i can re enroll..that will be nice..i cant wait to be a graduate with my bachelors degree..

but until then i will be putting my focus on myself..getting me healthier..and it will pay off..i went and weighed this morning on my own scales which i did just for fun to see if i could still weigh on them..and it was so exciting..i saw 296..i couldnt believe it..and really i may weigh less than that because i am going through my womanly thing..i really didnt think it would even weigh me...so you can see how excited i was when it did..

but its because i am focusing now..on the right things..i am putting my focus on walking and drinking my water and getting the calories down me..just enough to be okay..i am not overeating and i am not drinking pop..diet or otherwise..and i am not eating the candy bars..i have those candy bars whipped...thats a victory in itself..hehe

but today i am doing it all over again..
i am walking tonight when i get home
i am drinking my water 64 ounces..
i am staying at 1300 calories..no more no less..
i am doing this for me..for my health ..
for me to be here another 20 or 30 years as long as God allows me too..
along with Gods help we are doing this..we are getting our health in order and we must rely on God for the strength to keep doing it..we must or we wont get very far..

i am working all day today and when i get home i know i will be tired..but i am still going to walk..i have to and so i will..
lets do it today..lets live for today and trust God in all we do..we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us...

lets make a focused day..
kelli

well i think being real is definately what we need...

2010-08-30T12:10:00.003-05:00

me being brave getting my injections ..boy does it feel good now to walk..i never felt better..

well i had such a better day yesterday..i was honest with myself and i focused on getting the walk in and the right amount of calories down me..and it worked..i wasnt playing games with myself..i think we have to be honest or its just not going to work..

i did drink 32 ounces of water yesterday not the amount i should have but it was half the amount which is better than nothing like the day before...and i kept my calories at 1300 yesterday..i went out and walked last night and did almost a mile and a half.i walked for 30 minutes straight and felt like i was just starting again..but soon i will get used to it again..im going to do a half mile at a time..so in another week i will do 2 miles..just to get used to it again..

i made better choices yesterday and i knew i was doing that..so this is something i have to be completely real with myself everyday and just know whatever choice i make ..its my choice..i can choose to be healthy and make good choices or i can choose to eat whatever i want and make bad choices and die early...its up to me..

i am making good choices today ..i already have my water bottle filled and am drinking my first of 3 bottles of water today..i will be going to work soon and be right there where the candy bars are at and burger king is at..but today i have my focus on the right things and eating the whoppers and the candy bars even though i love them are not going to be part of my focus...i have done pretty good with the candy bars so far..i havent bought any of those..just the peanuts but thats something that is way too salty ..

so today i will drink my water..
today i will eat 1300 calories..
today i will walk a mile and a half..
today i will do my best to stay focused..
today is it..today is what we have ..
today i will make good choices..
how about you?

have a wonderful day..get up and get moving as one of my friends say..and as another friend says..lets keep getting better and better...
loveyou all
kelli

well being honest isnt always easy..

2010-08-29T13:44:00.004-05:00

our favorite cowboy and what he says here is a real quote...good to hear..

okay i have to be honest..i always try to be anyway..its just the best way to live..but yesterday was not a good choice day for me..i did it..i made the choice to not go by my calories..i made the unhealthy choice to eat a jr.whopper at burger king..and then because i had already in my mind had blown it..i made the choice to eat more calories and end up with 2000 calories yesterday..i made that choice and no one else is going to take the blame but me..i will see it on my hips and i will feel it ..

but the best part is i have today to do well..now yesterday i didnt drink water but i didnt drink pop either..i didnt drink much of anything...i had 1 bottle of tea all day..i didnt walk either..so you see i made the choice to not do anything good...im not sure why really..but i did it anyway..

so then after i got off of work i had my ice cream cone..and then another taco..i felt bad all day and night but it didnt stop me from actually doing it..so now i have today to do better..even if its my day off ..i can at least walk tonight and drink some water..i mean really do i want to keep doing this to myself and gain all my weight back that i have lost ...NO i dont..i dont want to see 300 much less 356..i dont even want to see 299..so i wont..i will do better today..today is all i have..

i will drink my water today..
i will walk tonight..at some point..hehe
i will focus on keeping my calories intact..

i have to be honest with myself..i have to do this and focus..i wasnt stressed yesterday..i wasnt even that bored..i was actually getting busy for once at the stand..i started out okay and then when i went to burger king to use the restroom ..i took some money with me and made a bad choice..the thing is i knew what i did and after i did it i did it again..my mentality was going back to the way i used to think..apparently i havent fully gone away from it..but now i am aware of it more and thats important..so now i will do the things i need to do to be healthy..i will become more focused and stay that way..i have too..i want to be here for many more years if the Lord will allow it..

so what i am doing today..is not what i did yesterday..today is the day we are given..i am going to do my best to live it..how about you?

enjoy the day..
kelli

this is an update for this morning...

2010-08-27T23:47:00.002-05:00

this is my prince charming..hehe i thought it was cute..

i made it through the day..i did just what i said i was going to do and boy was it hard...i had the candy bars staring at me all day..it was awful.but i made it...i walked my mile tonight after i got home from work..i used my walking poles and that was interesting..fun and a workout but it felt like i was skiing...hehe

i ended up with 1350 in calories so i guess thats not too bad..considering i could have been alot worse..then i stayed completely away from the pop today..i did well with that..no diet pop at all..and i drank water all day..i am still drinking my water now..i will end up with the 64 ounces by the time i go to bed..and no candy bars...yea! no candy bars...i couldnt believe it myself..we have so many yummy candy bars that its just not fair to temp me like this..but its my job..

tomorrow will be another day and another attempt at staying on track..i did well today and tomorrow i will do it again..

have a good night..
keep it one day at a time..
kelli

its more fun 10 pounds at a time..

2010-08-27T12:28:00.004-05:00

this is me yesterday in front of our original snocone stand ..we had to move it off the lot yesterday and we had been there for 18 years..it was a sad day..

i got up today and just wanted to see what i weighed and if i could weigh on my scales at home now ..and i can..whoohoo! i am down to 298..i lost another pound since monday and i havent even been eating the right foods either..thats why i was so surprised that i had lost..i am so glad though..this is more fun looking at small goals than the big picture all at once..so now i am 8 pounds from my goal of 290..i hadnt been 290 since i was 30..i remember weighing 290 then, because i was over at a friends house at least i thought he was a friend...not sure anymore.but he asked me what i weighed..i thought wow how rude..here he was a very healthy thin guy and supposed to be a nice guy and asking me how much i weighed..and of course i had the biggest crush on him and so i told him..i said well i weigh 290 how much do you weigh...he said 190..oh my you are 100 pounds more than me..i didnt think too much of it then but now he was just being rude like he was anyway..

i dont have a crush on him now..hehe in fact i have no idea where he is at now..but he was always trying to get me off the pop..i think he would be happy that i am off..but lately i have been drinking some diet pop and i need to stop it..i noticed myself the other day and i had drank 72 ounces of diet pop...thats bad..i didnt drink any water either..and thats NOT a good thing..but today is a different day..its a day where i can begin again and do well for myself..i have all day to drink my water instead of the pop..i have all day to make the right choices instead of eating what comes in front of me..its my choice to live healthy or to die early...my choice..God gives me the choice now i have to make the right one and give it to God to help me..
i am going to work in an hour to work til 10 tonight and i will walk when i get home..my friend glen bought me some walking poles last night and so i am going to try them out tonight..they say they help burn 45% more calories than just walking..so i will let you know how it works..i need to start again on my shake weight..it has been just sitting here in the living room collecting dust for the past month..but i am going to use it now..i am going to get fit and stop talking about it so much..i wanna get it off but i have to put the effort out there to do it..so now i am doing it..

i will keep at 1300 calories
i will drink 64 ounces of water today.
i will walk at least 1 mile..
i will stay off the pop..
and i will stay away from the candy bars..
we are selling candy bars at our stand now and i am staring at them all day and they happen to be my favorite, so you can see how tempting it is..but i will not get one today..
this is my pledge for today..

hope you all have a wonderful day and enjoy the journey..
kelli

well after 5 weeks i started again..

2010-08-25T21:00:00.003-05:00

well this is me and oreo going out for a walk..yesterday oreo bit me and now he thinks he is my friend..he is some cat..but he did walk tonight..

well its been 5 weeks since i went out and walked 2 and a half miles ...and then i had a setback and couldnt walk...now i can and finally did tonight..i finally got myself out there and walked for 20 minutes...it felt like forever tonight.just like starting over..my hips hurt and i was short of breath..i know i felt better when i was walking everyday..i have to keep going..i dont like this going backwards..

i still dont feel like i did well today..we sell candy at the snocone stand and i was working at that one and needed something to eat..well it was peanuts but i still dont feel good eating something like this ..maybe thats good that i am thinking about it now.maybe its a slow process for me ..that i have to keep focusing and learning what i need and what i dont need..i do need to have food every 2-3 hours but i dont need junk food..i feel like thats what it was..

i ended up having the go wraps at wendys and thats not bad..but then i had ice cream tonight..calories i really didnt need..but i had them anyway..i guess its a good thing if i am feeling guilty for having junk..hehe i didnt drink my water today either and i feel bad about that too..but i will get some down tonight..i havent gained any weight which is good but i have gone through 5 weeks of setbacks and not losing anything..

now iam back to getting it done..i am going to walk every night as long as i can walk..it does feel good..my pedometer broke today and i was so used to looking at it to know the miles and the calories..i really liked it but i guess i will just have to get along with just a stopwatch to know how many minutes i walk..i feel good for the walking though..i did something and i got started again..i didnt give up completely..i dont want to do that..it wouldnt be the right thing to do..give up...God doesnt give up on us, so i shouldnt give up on myself...

so now i am going after the 9 pounds by the end of september..and i will get there..
enjoy the evening..
kelli

migraines are not fun!

2010-08-24T21:01:00.003-05:00

these are some pictures of today..me and my friend kaitlynn came and saw me yesterday..and the women on the hoverounds ..i thought was so cute..it was raining but they just got out anyway..
the pictures are of the lake and the sunset..very pretty tonight..

this has been a couple of days of pain..iam still going through the pain and it just doesnt want to go away anytime soon..this has been a day where i thought i would be watching everything, but i just didnt..i just didnt feel like watching my calories or drinking my water..and i know i should but i am in so much pain i dont feel like anything right now..

this has been a rainy cool day and everyone really likes this weather ..i love this weather but it hurts my headache too..it makes me feel so fuzzy anymore..i wanted to go out and walk and maybe i will..i dont know..my dizzyness doesnt make for a good time walking..we still dont know how my cousin is ..i guess no good news is bad news..so were just waiting..

i went to work today and didnt have hardly any people...just a cold fall day..you can tell school is going and fall is in the air..we went around the lake tonight looking for the ducks and geese but i think they already flew south for the winter..hehe

i saw all kinds of people running and walking around the lake.its a really nice evening to be able to walk around the lake..i have been wanting too but i always seem to have a setback with it..i know i am going to sometime..but probably not this week..i am wanting to lose 9 pounds by the end of september..that will put me at 290..i havent seen that in quite a while..i just feel funny today..i guess its my headaches...im just fuzzy tonight..so if what i say doesnt make any sense its my head..hehe

its really something to see my nephew now..the way he looks and the way he used to look..i know i can do this..i just have to keep going and keep wanting to do it..somedays are easy and some days are hard...this is one day thats just too hard for me..i think about that and then i think about my cousin and there is nothing too hard then ..if my cousin can get through this then i can lose this weight..she still cant feel anything but she has a good attitude about it..she is a strong survivor..and she will pull through this..

i think this is a night where i should be laying down..my head is just too fuzzy right now.
i didnt do well with anything today..i will do well tomorrow ..i will walk tomorrow and i will drink my water all day..i will also watch my calorie intake ..i will do this..i will lose the 9 pounds by september 30th and i will keep going everyday to do my best..everyday i will focus on how i am going to do my best job and put my best foot forward to be the best i can be and help others do their best..we all have to get that focus..we all have got to focus on living our best days..and be the best people we can be ..were here to help one another..were here to focus on being the best we can be..we have too..we might as well .we dont have any other choice..

lets keep our focus on the best life ever..
goodnight
kelli

well i am back again..

2010-08-22T13:43:00.003-05:00

this is such a cute picture..hehe and here is my cousin elizabeth who is in the hospital she is the younger one..this was the last few days before she was in the accident..
and here iam with my new haircut and my new phone..a samgsung vibrant..pretty cool..

this has been a week of not feeling good physically and emotionally..i know i havent blogged since wednesday and thats not a good thing..i think when i get to the point of not blogging then i start going back to my old ways and i dont want to do that..writing it all down is a bery necessary thing and i have to be honest or its just not going to work..

i am still trying to focus on it..i will be honest though and tellya i havent walked yet and i need too..i need to get back to the focus i had before i went into so much pain.i need to go walk today whether it is too hot or not.this is not going to come off without me doing it..it didnt come on without me and it wont come off without me..i have to do this..

i have been getting tired lately and just not feeling good about my life and just about everything..but i am coming around now..so hopefully i will be getting back to normal again..i really want to get this weight off and get it off now and not 10 years from now..because i may not make it to 10 years..

im sitting here right now watching spongebob and wishing i had no worries like he does..it sure would be nice if life was handed to us on a silver platter but its not..we go through problems everyday of our life and its how we handle them that make us the people we are..i am trying to become a better christian and rely on God and soley on God..He is the one who will make us the people we need to be..

i have had alot of friends lately tell me how inspiring i am to them and how i shouldnt stop blogging..i am very appreciative for them..God always knows when to send people my way..i do need this as a way of being honest and expressing my feelings..and if it helps others to do what they have to do then thats just icing on the cake...haha..

i am trying to look for a job and that is stressful in itself..this is not the best time to be looking for jobs around here..but i know i will find one soon..i am sure glad i can walk now..cause it wouldnt be very good trying to find a job and not being able to walk..but i am going try and walk this evening..i really need it..i have been drinking some water..not all 64 ounces but half of it everyday..and i know i need to work on this but i am doing okay..i have been eating my 1200 calories and trying to not go over the 1500 but i do think one day i went over it....thats why i need to write it down so i will know..

i got a new phone yesterday and have had the most fun playing with it..its pretty cool but i need to remember it is just a phone..and not go too crazy over it..hehe i cut my hair the other night too..i was getting tired of it not looking right with the last haircut i gave myself and so i cut it short and i like it..its pretty cool..

the other day my cousin had a swimming accident and broke her neck and was left paralyzed from the waist down..so we have been going through a lot lately...she is conscious now and is moving her feet so things are getting better for her..she still needs prayers..she is having neck surgery on monday and needs all the prayers she can get..

well this has been a week of different feelings and just life..i guess i need to get used to life and keep going..we are always going to be going through something..
im going to try and make this a great day..

i hope you all enjoy your day..
kelli

i am walking and it feels so good

2010-08-18T23:19:00.003-05:00

see me getting the injections..i really was getting them then.and then look at my smile..feeling good now..

wow i never realized what it was like to not have your legs til now..it sure feels good to be able to walk...i have been walking all day and trying not to use my cane..boy when i got the injections ..that hurt..ooohhh that hurt..they put it right into my bones and i could certainly feel it..but it has been a few hours and now i am walking like i had before..what fun it is going to be when i get to walk tomorrow night..i ended up coming home too late tonight to go walking..i didnt want to hurry it too much either..

but it sure feels good..i had taken it for granted all this time that i would be able to walk and now since i had lost it for like a month i know what people go thru that cant walk..i was almost in a wheelchair..it almost happened and i am so glad it didnt..i am done well today with the calories ..i had 1300 calories altogether and am ready for bed now..i have tried to drink my water but it was a hard thing for me to do today..i have been a sounding board for so many of my friends lately..i enjoy listening to people and i try to help as much as i can..i guess thats why i picked psychology as my major...someday i will get that degree..hehe right now i am looking for a full time job so i can pay my college account and get back in school..3 more semesters and i will be done..

but this has been a good day for me..at least health wise now..and thats important..i am trying to watch the calories and the carbs so iam being cautious of everything i put in my mouth now..tomorrow night i am going to be walking and try to get my mile in again..i have been sore tonight..so tomorrow will be better..

hope you all enjoy the night..
kelli

i got my injections..yay!

2010-08-18T14:17:00.004-05:00

here is the place i go to get my injections..and look i was watching her put it in my knees..ouch! but now i feel good..see the smile..
have a great day everyone..i am..

i went to the ortho doctor today and got my injections ...wow does it hurt when they put that needle in your knees..but boy does it feel good afterward..i can walk..i can walk and i am so happy...never again will i leave it to 5 months..4 months gets here and i am going ..hehe i just wanted to let you all know..i will post another blog tonight..here iam getting my injections..hehe i take pictures of everything..hehe

a good day and just getting better..

2010-08-17T20:21:00.002-05:00

okay we got the food i ate and the lake and sean and kenlie..

this has been a good day.it seems to always be a good day as long as i look at it like that..i think no matter how our day goes..as long as we take it with a smile the day will be okay..i am trying my best to focus all the time on eating healthy..sometimes its hard to do..and sometimes its as easy as it was today..

well today we went to the stockade ..of course my sister could go to these places everyday if we had the money to do it..but today we went because it was a senior special for lunch..not for me but my sister and mom got a good deal..so i went to the buffet and did GOOD..yay! i went to the fruit first and then i went and got my main plate..but i looked at the salad and got half my plate in salad without dressing..then i got a roasted chicken and green beans..nothing else..oh well yes i got a roll but when i counted it it was 700 calories with the fruit and all the salad and roll..IT WAS GOOD...!!

i went and got a bite of the ice cream they have.not really ice cream..its not even yogurt..not even close..but i got a bite and they had the biggest cake with chocolate icing i had ever seen.did i get any? NO WAY!

i am drinking my water right now and when we came home tonight, well sean and kenlie surprised us with a visit..that was fun..we think they are such a cute couple..i am going to get my water in tonight and i may not do the walking tonight..my leg has been really bad today..i cant wait til tomorrow afternoon..what fun being able to walk again..
i am going to post the diabetes info a little later..right now i am going to see my friend at work..so i wont be home for a couple of hours..
but here are some pictures from today..it has been a good day..and still is..

hope your day is going good..
kelli

i made a whole mile on the ramp in 29 minutes...whoohoo

2010-08-16T23:09:00.002-05:00

we got our ducks in a row..do you?

well i was able to make it for 29 minutes and do a whole mile..just 9 minutes off of my reg.time..i was so excited..my muscles were feeling it too..by the time i got done i was feeling the pain..but it was good pain this time..i have been able to walk a little better today ..and hopefully tomorrow i will be able to walk even better..wednesday is coming soon too and by the weekend i am going to be walking boomer lake..i just know i will..

last night i finally got my water down..i drank 60 ounces of water last night at my friends house..i went out there and saw him and his mom and visited with them all evening..it was fun and the topic of conversation all evening was about healthy eating..something we end up talking about alot these days..

He was making his own salad dressing last night so he could have a low calorie one he likes and one that he knows what is in it.so i wrote down the recipes and he said i could share them with you all...so i will have them at the end of this..

i ended up with my 1200 calories last night and did well..

so we come to today..this was a good day..and i am getting my water down me now as i write..were sitting here watching andy griffith show and enjoying a cooler evening..i worked tonight and then came home and decided i needed to do something..i always enjoyed the walking and i was starting to feel myself going thru the pain i was going thru before i had started walking..i needed the exercise even if i couldnt walk really well..i needed to do it..we all need too..we need to get up and get going..get moving and keep moving..it does make us feel better even if we dont feel our best..

so i walked and did it in 29 minutes..yay! i have eaten 960 calories today and will probably have a little more before bed..i am trying to stay away from bad carbs..i ate a fresh salad today and had yogurt this morning with sugar free pudding in it..it was so GOOD...

here is the salad dressing i wrote down last night..it doesnt take but a few minutes to make and it doesnt have hardly any calories in it..
the first one is SPICY TOMATO DRESSING...

1 can of 8 oz. canned tomato sauce
1/2 teaspoon of garlic salt
1/2 cup of white vineager
1 teaspoon of dillweed..spice
1/4 teaspoon tabasco sauce
2 tablespoons of grated onion
3 pkts of sugar substitute

place all ingredients in a small bowl and beat with a wire whip to blend. refridgerate until needed and bring it back to room temp..before you serve it..and shake it well before using ..2 tablespoons per serving..it is 29 calories per serving and makes 1 1/2 cups to 12 servings..it is very good..

i had a picture of it but i cant seem to get my camera to upload it..but this is a very good one..i have another one but i will put it on the blog tomorrow if you all like it..
and i have some information on how you can tell if you are diabetic..its from a diabetic doctor and i will share it with you tomorrow..i know from reading this ..it looks like iam prediabetic..and i was told that a few years ago..so i really do need to look at the carbs..and the calories..

hope you all enjoy the journey..
tomorrow i am going to the dentist..joy joy..hehe
have a good night..
kelli

i tried walking today!

2010-08-15T15:39:00.005-05:00

me and my friend lisa ..she came by the stand the other day and surprised me..i was so glad to see her..

here iam walking up and down my ramp..i went out and walked for 21 minutes today and when i looked at my counter it said i had walked 8/10 of a 10th..not much but it felt like alot to me..my legs are in so much pain now that this is the only walking i can do..i wasnt sure i could do that..but i needed to do something..

i got up today and am in so much pain with the legs that i ended up not going to church..i just cant walk..i sure wish next wed. would hurry up ..i will not take walking for granted ..it is a pleasure and a privalage to be able to walk..i never thought about it til i lost it..i think we are like this at one time or another with something..we take our health for granted and then when we lose it ..thats when we think about it and wish we had it to do over again..

well i am doing that now..i am doing it over and getting my health back..God has given us a second chance and a second chance is all we need..we need our good health to be able to run with the kids..to be able to walk outside..to be able to feel good when we get up in the morning..we have to do this ..and we have to do this now..

i want to look good too just like everyone else .but i really want to feel good ..thats what i want..i havent forgotten whats it like to be able to walk a mile in 20 minutes and thats what i want again..i dont want to be walking so slow that a baby crawling can beat me..thats how i was walking today..hehe not fast..

i have done okay today..i had the plain yogurt with the cinnimon and banana in it..and then i had 3 bite size cookies which were 70 calories for all three..and then 2 slices of turkey and a slice of cheese...i ended up with 380 calories so far..i know i will be eating more this evening ..i am trying to watch the carbs as well as te calories..i think we have to watch it all in order to eat healthy..

i havent gotten started with the water yet but i will..i know i need the water down me everyday..its a given..i have been doing good about not having the ice cream or yogurt and i am focusing alot on staying away from that..its hard but iam trying..

i am glad i did walk for 20 minutes.i think anything will help right now..this is a setback but i am going to make it a positive setback..life happens and as long as we take it with a smile then everything will be okay..

i still cant wait til next wed..its going to feel like christmas all over again..!

enjoy your sunday..
kelli

well today i changed my breakfast around..

2010-08-14T15:33:00.003-05:00

Today has been good so far..I know its still early..but I'm here at work and will be til 8 tonight..so today is a good day..
I went to see my friend glen last night and was barely able to walk without the cane but I did make it in without it..iam trying to walk without it because I know God is healing me..and I don't want to put doubt in it..but as I was talking to glen ..he had told me he had lost 19 pounds now..whoohoo iam so proud of him for that..
He is reading this book called the 30 day diabetic cure diet..and he has diabetis and iam prediabetic..so this is just
Telling us how to eat healthy and stay away from sugars that are bad..diabetics can't have fast carbs .only slow ones..

This is going to really be a change in eating for us both..but I am going to do it with him and m sister is going to give it a try as well..she is diabetic and we all three need to watch the carbs..my brother now is going to stop eating so late at night too and see how much he loses..so we are all going to try and give it a good effort to become healthier..we have beenworking at it some. But its just not working for us.I have been blogging for 5 months now and haven't lost what I should..I'm trying but sometimes I guess I'm not trying hard enough..so as soon as we read this book and study it to see how to do it..then we will start it..

But I did change my breakfast around today and I liked it..instead of having a special k bar for breakfast I had plain
Yogurt and mixed in cimmonen and a sweetner and it was good..I even put half of a banana in it and boy did it tastes good..I could eat this..and only 200 calories with a full banana..so then I did have half a bar with it but I wouldn't have had too..so 290 calories so far..and I brought a banana and some sugar free chocolate pudding with me and will get a side salad in an hour or so..so today is good so far..I'm drinking my water in the 110 degree heat and I'm thinking more healthy now..and I like that..

im updating the blog now..its 11pm and i have ended my day with 1330 in calories..i had 3 tacos from taco bueno which was 200 each..and i had a strawberry smoothie which i will not have again..that is pure sugar..so many carbs in it..but it is 350 calories so i had my share for the night..goodnight all

I hope you all think healthy today..
Enjoy the day..
Kelli

friday the 13th..where did you come from...hehe

2010-08-13T18:09:00.002-05:00

Yep this is Friday the 13th...not my favorite day...but I'm not really superstious either..but today was not the best Friday I could have..I got up to a phone call from my orthodoctor..telling me they had made a mistake in booking me for the injections and I couldn't come in til next Wednesday..next Wednesday..really ? I have to wait 5 more days because these people made a mistake and didn't notice it til now..

So my day was not starting out like I wanted it too..I was so hoping I could get my injections and be walking by now..I was going to go walking tonight..well I might try it anyway..even with the cane..so I went back to sleep and when I got up I was getting ready for work today.. I had a protein bar and have had a cheeseburger today..I know its not all iam going to have because its too early and I've only had 600 calories..so I need to eat something..I left the sherbert alone today and am not eating sweets which I'm glad of..iam really trying to leave it alone..I know the protein bar probably is a sweet..but its also proein..so I got to work and had to put up the balloons outside and walking for me right now is not an easy task..so I got them up..but the wind keeps popping them or taking them off the string..so I have been out there twice now to put more on the string..this is just not the best Friday..but I am being taken care of by God..I know that..I have been able to walk some today without the cane and that's a miricle..I walked over to the next building to use the restroom and I walked without the cane and was able to do it..so yes it has been a Friday the 13th..but it has also been a very blessed day for me..I know God is taking care of me..I know that..I've prayed and my friends and family have prayed and I know He is listening..so maybe its not such a bad day afterall..

Have a great Friday the 13th..
I am
Kelli

okay this is day 5 of my 30 day i am getting back on track plan..

2010-08-12T15:33:00.002-05:00

This is my day 5 and so far so good..iam staying at 1200 calories and not going over..
Iam even getting used to not eating anything when I go to bed..I think that might have been
Part of my problem before...I would eat something at night if I had the calories and eating at night
Is just not the best way to lose weight...even if you do burn calories in your sleep..
Its not going to be enough to burn a sandwich..

So I am really focused now..I still have problems with ice cream..but I found a good way
To do this..I found the calories for the sherbert is less than the ice cream and the yogurt..
And I think its just as good..one scoop of sherbert is 130 calories..compared to 220 for the yogurt
And 350 for the ice cream..so this is much better...so yes I had a sherbert today..and yesterday
But still I don't go over the 1200 calories..and iam drinking my water...I have tried to get in 64 ounces but
Haven't been able to do more than 48 lately..but I will keep going until I do..
I still haven't got a computer now and so I'm on my phone doing this blog..

Tomorrow I go get the knees injected and iam so excited....it almost feels like christmas..hehe
I will never do this again..I was feeling so good and walking so well..I guess I thought I didn't need it
But I was wrong there...I'm not waiting past 4 months next time..I'm going to be in there right on the date..
I have never in my life felt so bad physically ..like I was just going down hill and never come back up again..
Its awful to feel like you will never walk again..and its awful to not be able to walk..I have sure experienced it this last week..I haven't had so much pain in I don't know how long..but oh wow..less than 24 hrs..
I know I will be walking tomorrow night..I just have too..I have to keep walking everyday for my life..
This is for my life..I don't want to go backwards...iam going to weigh in the morning and see what 5 days has done..
I know mentally it has helped me a lot..I feel better physically as well just drinking the water..

Well today is a good day..let us be glad and rejoice in it..
Today is all we have...
Loveyou all
Kelli

i crashed today.....hehe

2010-08-10T17:53:00.004-05:00

Thought I fooled ya huh...hehe I did crash today..but not how you would think..
My computer crashed on me just a few minutes ago..so I have to do this from my
Phone ...I hate doing it from my phone..everything is so small..and I can't put any pictures..
On here..I guess I should be glad I have a way of doing it from my phone ..

But today has been pretty good...I was supposed to go to the dentist today and get
Broken tooth looked at..but I can't seem to walk right now..my knees have gone into
Major pain and have given out on me..I get injections Friday and I sure can't wait..
It hurts just to try and get out of the car after I have driven...but I hope the injections
Will do something positive for my knees...cause I can't go through this pain anymore..

I got up this morning and at the breakfast bar ..I do need to boil me some eggs..I like boiled eggs and soft eggs
And scrambled eggs...hehe I think I like eggs...hehe
But after that I had the grillled go wrap and a baked potato with butter..
Then we went riding and ended up going thru braums but this time I just got sherbert..
I looked on my calories and the sherbert is 130 calories for a scoop..that's better than the yogurt
And the ice cream...I got a freeze so its probably 2 scoops..260 calories..
So my calories today have only been 960 altogrther...iam on my water..no pop and
Iam wanting to stay away from the sugars but they seem to be in everything..
Sean and kenli are coming tonight..so when I get off work I will get to see them..
I guess when my knees get injected I will be able to walk then..I sure can't now..

I feel like I have a whole new attitude about this now and I know that if I don't do it for
Real...I won't be here past a few more years..and if iam I will be in a wheelchair..
I don't want that..I want to walk again...you remember the movie I want to live with
Susan hayward....I want to live...I really want to live...

Enjoy the evening
Kelli

day 1 again..really day 2..hehe

2010-08-09T17:39:00.005-05:00

well day 1 was yesterday and when i did my blog i had eaten 640 calories..okay i went with my friend and we went to a place called shortcakes and he got a dinner but i decided to be good and go within my calories..so i got a grilled cheese sandwich and a baked potato with butter and sour cream..i had 1440 in calories and 48 ounces of water for day 1...

okay now day 2..the other day 1..hehe i like what kyle said that everyday is another day 1..it really is..i got up this morning and with my legs being in such awful pain..its not an easy thing to do..i cant walk right now without my cane and i cant get my injections til friday and i am hurting so bad..my legs are swollen and my knees are out..completely out..but i tried my hardest to get up..i am still running the stands while my uncle is sick..so i ran down there so to speak..hehe i wish..and when i came back i had a special k bar..i have one of those every morning..but i noticed today it has fructose in it and sugars in it..not really the thing i want to eat for breakfast..but i got my water out and started drinking it..i just automatically go to my water bottle now..im so glad of that..

so then we did go to wendys today..wendys isnt too bad when it comes to the food..if you pick healthy..i got a grilled go wrap and a baked potato with butter only..no sour cream this time..my calories came to 540 there..i had a piece of grilled chicken and a bar at home so my calories there were 300 calories..so i had eaten 840 calories..now i was wanting a frosty and i always get the smallest one..today i got the small one and split in half with my sister..so we both only had 150 calories..thats a lot less than the yogurt we were getting at braums..

so my calories so far for today came to 1000 calories..
breakfast bar-170
grilled chicken-130
water
baked potato with butter-270
grilled chicken go wrap-260
water
junior frosty-160

total-1000 calories..

so i imagine i will have something else tonight but it will be something small..i dont want to go over my 1200 calories tonight..but i am doing well now..i am focusing now on what i have to do and going forward with it..
i will walk tonight when i get off and will try to get used to it again..but right now i am on my 2nd bottle of water and that makes 48 ounces..so i know i will be drinking my 72 tonight..this is exciting when you focus on each day as being the first day..and looking only at what is in front of you..what you have to do for this day..and not for any other...i do feel better when i am eating and drinking right..i love the water now..its just a refreshing tastes ..alot better than pop..
i dont even look at the snocones..isnt that amazing..it doesnt bother me..

have a good evening..
kelli

day1 some progress

2010-08-08T18:24:00.003-05:00

this is me and my mom and my sister and sean about a year and a half ago...
at our fav.place charlies chicken..

okay this is day 1 of my returning to eating right and drinking right..
i am doing pretty good..i still have a few hours to be up but i still have 560 calories to get to my 1200 so thats okay..just not sure what i need to eat to reach it..i dont want sugar of any kind and no pop and no ice cream so it kinda leaves some things out ..

what i have had today is..
32 ounces of water so far..i will get to 64 i know that.
1 grilled chicken salad at 320 calories
1oz of green beans which my calorie counter says 50 calories..
and i had a bar for breakfast and a piece of cheese and an apple..
so not sure what i will have now but that amount came to 640..

i feel better about things i wasnt trying to whine or beat myself up ..i just want to be honest on here and this is what happened yesterday, and i did feel bad after i ate it..it just didnt have the same tastes as it used too..
NO ICE CREAM TODAY AND NO POP...GO ME!

so this is day 1..30 days of this and i should have some weight off..hehe
thank you all for commenting yesterday..i looked at my counter and it said i had almost 200 people read last night..i was so amazed..
i am going to get it off once and for all..i want it off by the time i graduate from college with my bachelors degree..then onto a good job and maybe a different life ahead..wouldnt that be cool..next summer is my 25th high school reunion and i want to be a 150 pounds smaller than i started...

well its my one day off and i am still taking care of the stands.my uncle is sick and so i am on call but so far everything is going well..

i will walk maybe tonight but i know tomorrow night i will..
have a good evening..
kelli

i messed up today..

2010-08-07T15:21:00.003-05:00

okay these pictures are of me 3 years ago the day before my dad died..my dad doing what he liked to do best sitting in his chair watching westerns..my mom just recently.. and my moms parents..my grandma and grandpa..

boy did i mess up today..i am going to have to quit going thru the drive thru..i cant do this anymore..i messed up so bad today..but i am not going to let it stop me..i wont mess up tomorrow..this will just be a day off i guess..cause i dont even want to say how many calories i think i just ate..

what it is ..i went to braums right before i came to work..now really i wasnt hungry but i was getting something to go for later and ended up eating it now..at least half of it..im saving the other half for later..but i got a combo meal with med.fries and a drink..real dr.pepper..i know i cant go back to that..and i got a 1/3 pounder..the big sandwich..if that wasnt enough..i wanted ice cream so i got a peanut butter cup mix..loaded with calories...im sure its loaded..so now i am here at work where i know i am not going to burn enough calories to eat this..but i did anyway..i ate it and it wasnt that good..not when i know it was loaded with calories and sugar..just not the good tastes it used to have when i didnt care what it had in it or how many calories it was..and today i acted the same way..like i didnt care ..just ordered it and went..

well that is going to stop..i cant do that and expect to get anything off..no more pop and no more ice cream and no more burgers for me..none..i cant do this ..i cant keep lying to myself and say im doing it if i keep going thru the window and getting ice cream and burgers...and why do i keep doing this anyway..? am i depressed because i cant walk outside..? am i depressed because my knees are giving me pain and i cant walk as good as i did..? i dont know maybe i am..maybe i dont feel like i can get it off ..but i am going to try and do my best..i have too ..i have to try i cant just give up..i cant go back to the ways i was before..i didnt feel good then..why would i want to go back to that..?

well, today i ate it and messed up..tomorrow i start it again..and i stay with it..no more messing up for me..no more eating what i shouldnt eat and drinking what i shouldnt drink..water is my friend and salads are my friends ..no ice cream..

have a good saturday..
kelli

thinking about my life when i was a kid..

2010-08-06T17:08:00.006-05:00

different look now than it was 3 years ago..wasnt too happy back then..and didnt feel good ever physically..

just looking back at some of the old pictures..it really shows what i have done and what my nephew and sister have done since my dad died 3 years ago..the young pictures are of me when i was 3 and 6..

i am just sitting here at my job just thinking about how my life was back when i was a chubby kid in school..i remember kids making fun of me when i was in kindergarten all the way up to 3rd grade..but what is so nice now ..is those kids decided they were being mean when they got older and they asked me to forgive them..isnt that something..a kid actually realizing what they did was bad and wanting forgiveness..of course i did..i was even friends with those people after that..that was nice..i remember this one girl in the 3rd grade who made my life miserable everyday..i would go home crying everyday because this kid decided that she wasnt going to like me because i was heavier than she was.so she would hit me and call me names and do what she could to make me cry..i even ended up transferring to another school away from her the next year..and that was the best idea yet..i loved the country school i went too ..and i went there from 4th thru 8th grade..it was cool..i felt like a big deal their..it was small ..only 200 kids or so..sean and i both went there and his little brother for a while went with us...even though sean had such bad luck with the kids there..i on the other hand had the best luck with all of them..only once did a kid ever call me a name while i was there..and i was already in the 8th grade..i looked at this little kid and went..really? your going to say that to me..? but your 6..! i guess they come in all ages..

i could never be a bully..i care about people too much..i dont want to make them feel like they already made me feel..i guess that comes from knowing about JESUS at a very young age..and knowing that it isnt right to be this way even if someone is to me..but God has a way of making us humble..when i was 14 and going to bible school, i had to ride the bus home..and there werent any seats left except by me..well the person who got on the bus next was the girl who made my life miserable when i was 8..i knew who she was, and she knew me as well..i didnt want her to sit next to me..i kept asking God no please put her somewhere else..not by me..well my seat was the only one left..and so i said okay you can sit down here..she started talking to me and told me how sorry she was for doing all the things to me that she did..she said she was angry because her brother was dying and he was just a baby..and he did die that year and it was sad that she was under the pressure like that and lost her brother..i really felt for her, but it still didnt make up for hurting me so bad that i would change schools...

but i forgave her and went on..i never saw her again..God certainly has a way of placing people in your life when its time too..every person that has caused me pain like this has said they were sorry at one time or another..so i can forgive because i have to forgive..if i want God to forgive me then i have to forgive them..sometimes it still hurts to think that people would judge me for the weight i have on my body..i always thought ..you are supposed to look at the inside..not the outside..i couldnt imagine a person not liking me just because i weighed more than they did..it just didnt make sense to me..i tried to never judge a person by the outside..we all probably do even though we try hard not too..but i do try and get to know each person and not go by what they look like..i have not had anyone since those times and so i guess i am really pretty lucky in that way..i know my nephew sean had a lot of problems with bullies and has a lot of hard feelings over it ..

i really try and forget it cause it dont do any good to keep thinking about it..i just wonder if the kids who are bullies ever spend this much time thinking about the kids they bullied in school and wondering the same thing..i dont know..they might if their conscious bothers them ..i guess they would..but really i think the kids that are doing the bulleying are kids that are crying out for some kind of help and they just dont know how to ask for it..so they do what they know will get them the attention they are craving even if its the wrong attention..and it hurts someone else in the meantime..i dont think anyone would hurt someone on purpose even if they dont know them not intentionally..

but i am glad i am a grown up now..i think the bullies today are alot worse than they were in my day..30 years ago..i think it would do all of us good to just look in the mirror and tell ourselves just how good we are..just say it..i am a good person..i deserve to live a great life..and i am going to live a great life..no one is going to put me down, and no one is going to make me feel bad..i deserve to live just like everyone else..this is my life and i will live it to the fullest..its a great life ..God gave us this life and God blesses us each day with another chance to do better..this is our chance to do good in this world..to do good for ourselves and for others..were in this together..

yesterday i ended up at 1500 calories and i didnt get all my water down me just because i had gotten a pop..noooo..no more..no more pop over water..its a hard thing for me but i have to keep doing this and drinking the water is part of the plan..i want 49 pounds off by christmas..that will put me at 250 and i think thats a good weight for 5 months down the road..i didnt walk either but its because right now i am taking care of the stands ..my uncle isnt feeling well and i am in charge now so i am working all the time..even if i get off at 9 the other stand doesnt close til 11..and so i have to take care of the money and figure out the next day and it gets into the night by then..but tonight i am going tooo..i am really iam..hehhe
i am drinking my water today and actually today i had pizza..i went and got a little ceasers pizza for 5.00 and ate 4 pieces and gave the rest to my family..so not too bad..right now i am at 1100 calories and wont be eating much else..so i am good..
hope you all have a wonderful weekend..
enjoy the journey along the road..
kelli

a very busy 3 days..

2010-08-05T15:50:00.003-05:00

just some family pics from the last 3 days..had a lot of fun now back to the normal routine..

we have had a lot of fun the last three days..my mom has enjoyed it as well..and i am so glad she did..yesterday was our first day back to the way our life normally is..and it felt kinda funny..we had been going places and seeing people for 3 days now and all of a sudden were back to normal routines..well my mom likes normal routines..i on the other hand like to spice things up once in a while and do something different..today i am writing my blog from work..now that is different since my uncle usually doesnt like anyone to bring the computers to work..but he doesnt know so we wont tell him..right!..hehe so this is real different for me..finally something for me to do while i am here..im glad i have this job..but really i wouldnt blame my uncle if he closed it up right now..its so slow there is no way he is going to make money with it this summer..

yesterday we went to charlies chicken to eat and i did something different there too..i ate chicken livers and gizzards instead of the normal plates i would get..but i like livers and i looked it up on my calorie counter on my phone and it wasnt too bad..i didnt exactly put down every calorie on paper yesterday but i know i didnt go over my 1300 ..just simply because i didnt eat a whole lot..i need to focus on that more..and what kind of food i need to be eating instead of the fast food stuff..but i am doing alot better about not eating the snocones here at work..i have decided i dont need them..they are only sugar and i just dont need it..i got down 40 ounces of water yesterday and i am going to do more today..i am doing better about wanting to drink the water than i used too..i used to never want water and now i get up and thats the first thing i do is get my water..and thats not a glass its a 24 ounce bottle..whoohoo one that says i love new york..hehe thanks kenlie i love it..

while i was at charlies yesterday my friend holly saw my app for the calorie counting and so i helped her put it on her phone and she just loves it..i have had the most help with this app than any other app..i love calorie king but this is the one ofr my phone and it helps us tremendously..i still havent gotten out and walked yet..tonight i am going too and i know i have said that over and over and something always happens to stop it..well last night it was a storm..came up real fast and i even saw the rain clouds coming in..looked spooky..but i will tonight ..i know its the walking and the water and the calories..together..i cant do it with just one of the three its all of the three..well i was able to put my compression hose back on my legs..so wrapping my legs for the week that i did that really helped bring them down..now i need to keep them down..my chair broke on me and so i havent been able to go back in the chair and keep my legs up..but i have a hassack now and it seems to help..my legs do feel better in the hose..

well today finds me at work writing my blog and talking to my friends..this makes a long day very short..i hope you all have a wonderfully short day..hehe
enjoy the journey you are on..
kelli

i hit 299 again and i am going to keep going this time..whoohoo!

2010-08-03T23:40:00.005-05:00

okay i know this should be a slideshow but i wanted to get them on here..we took lots of pictures..but this was from today and i still have more..hehe
here is my water bottle all the way from new york..have you had your water today..?

wow i was so excited today..i got up early this morning and was sitting with my mom while my sisters and brother in law had coffee at her house..and so after that my sister and i had to go to the doctor and i had to go pay some bills..its the 3rd ya know .bill paying time..but i wanted to weigh this morning...i have been in a depression for a while and around the time of my birthday i sorta went off the change and didnt walk as much and didnt drink enough water..so i knew i had gained some weight.we have had alot of company and that always makes me gain too..but i cant let it anymore..i know excuses..no more..so i went and stepped up on the scales expecting to see maybe 307 hoping it was just 307..hooray i saw 299..i could not believe my eyes..i had to jump on again..yep 299..wow i have went down now..i am under 300..again..hehe

so this jumpstarted my day..i mean i was confident in that now i am going to get this off..it will come off and it doesnt matter how long it takes as long as i keep going and keep moving forward..thats what matters..i knew i had to focus on my water and my walking and let nothing stand in my way of this effort i have to put out..

so we went to my cousins house for lunch today and took my mom and we were meeting sean and kenlie there and we just had a blast..even my mom enjoyed it..we took lots of pictures..of course that is me i took lots of pictures..hehe but i always do..just preserving the memories..but i did really well with my food today..we had sandwiches and carrots and pickles just like finger foods except bigger sandwiches than that..but it was just simple stuff and very good..i ate only one plate of food and didnt go back except for cantaloupe..we even had watermelon there..

we stayed all day and it was way up into the evening before we left..i was supposed to go to work but my uncle gave me an extra couple of hours off so i enjoyed them..we had so much fun..they have their own lake there and i took some pics of the lake and the guys feeding the fish..it was neat..my cousin kristen has a soda pop maker which is really cool..she can even make carbonated water which i guess would taste like pierre..that would be good..

well we came home and ended up having a visit at home too and they brought another lady who knew some of us as well and she is friends with sean and kenlie both and so we enjoyed that visit too..so now we are ready to go to sleep..its been a day..tomorrow wont feel the same..maybe i will walk tomorrow..i didnt do that today..just didnt have the time..got my water in though..working on 72 ounces right now..and kenlie even brought me a water bottle from new york..isnt she sweet..

well its been a day..
enjoy your journey..
kelli

well what a nice visit...

2010-08-01T23:48:00.006-05:00

well here are the pictures of all of us tonight..kenz is a very pretty girl..fits right in to the family..you can see we have a few in our family..hehe we used to have so many more..we would have over a 100 at family reunions sometimes...it was something..
they look pretty cute dont they..hehe

well i posted earlier today about how ive been doing...not so great but im getting better..the first thing i wanted to do was answer a couple of questions ..the reason i have the wraps on was because i have lymphadema in my legs and with this problem comes swelling alot of swelling..and as most people know i had to go thru alot of physical therapy to get it down..well now it is coming back and thats not good..so i am wearing the wraps to get the swelling down enough to put the hose back on..im afraid i will have this problem the rest of my life..

now onto the next question..another reader was wondering about the pain in my knees..yes i have to have knee injections and soon..the pain gets pretty severe now and sometimes i feel like iam back to step one with the knees..so i need to get it done now..i will have to have knee replacements when i am older and thinner..so another good reason to get it off now..the ortho doctor does do the injections and they work really well..this last time it went 5 months before i had pain..

thanks for asking me questions makes me feel smart...hehe
anyway we went to new china tonight ..my sister and brother in law are here for a few days and they had new china on the brain..hehe so we went there and tomorrow is my uncles birthday, so we thought we would do both at the same time..he is feeling so much better than last night..i did really well tonight ..i had water and i had already drank 24 ounces and so i drank another 32 ounces there..easy..then i went straight for the salad and got a small plate of that..with no dressing..and got some fruit and then i went back for the main plate but couldnt find alot i liked..i had sweet and sour chicken and some meat on a stick and a couple of deviled eggs..i ended it with a small very small chocolate yogurt cone..it was good..not as good as braums but good..and that was it..no going back because i paid for it..i ate and didnt make myself sick..i enjoyed what i had and this is the first time i have not gotten sick there...so go me!..

well about 745 sean and kenz made it in and that was fun..we got to meet her and she certainly has a bubbly personality..she is a very sweet person..and we took a lot of pictures..finally someone who likes to take pictures like me..hehe i have always had the most problems with the people in my family about pictures..nobody ever wanted to take pictures..sean didnt like it til now..and now he cant get enough either..hehe but i guess its our weight that holds us back sometimes..but ya know you cant go back and get those memories when you get thin..you just have to grin and bear it.hehe funny i know..haha

well i think everyone had a good time and we all enjoyed meeting our new friend..we all really liked her and she fit in just fine..i didnt do any walking tonight..im going to walk tomorrow night if its midnight..hehe i have to get back to walking..im hoping it will help with my moods somehow..i get this way every time i see or meet other couples..i get to feeling like i am never going to get married and i dont know if i am or not ..i guess i shouldnt feel like this but the older i get the more i feel like i am not going to be married ..i dont know but thats how i felt tonight..i loved meeting kenlie and am very glad that sean and her have met..its just me i get depressed about things like this and then i cry and then i go on..all i can do..keep going and keep living and hope one day that God sees fit to place someone here that thinks i am beautiful and smart and kind..

well this has been a good day even with me ending it crying about not being married..it happens and it will happen again, im sure..i just have to forget it and get over it..anyway i go back to work tomorrow and start another week..i hope you all will enjoy your journey ...im trying to enjoy mine..that crying gets in my way sometimes..but its called being a girl who is over 40...hehe

have a good night everyone..
kelli

my first pair of jeans since high school..cool!

2010-08-01T15:43:00.003-05:00

here iam in my first pair of jeans..and you can see i am all wrapped up now..
and the next one is my mom and two sisters..pretty ladies..taken today

wow..i didnt realize i had waited this long before blogging..i have had a really busy week..and starting to be busy weekend..so i havent done as well on my water challenge as i need too..last night night i only had 24 ounces of water...thats not good..but i did realize that the water makes me feel so much better than the diet coke..so no more diet coke for me..i actually felt sluggish drinking that and when i went to get some water..i felt so much better..

this heat too makes a person feel awful..i have to work in the heat and it has made me so sick lately..i have been working so many hours lately that i havent had the time to get on the computer..so this is the first time since wednesday night that i have even been on here...i usually get on my phone internet but its so small i cant write or read from it very well..but i was taking care of my uncle last night..had to take him to the er and get some meds pumped into him..he has cellulitis on his leg and it is really bad..so we are trying to make sure he is doing okay..

i went and bought my first pair of jeans last night and was so excited..i havent wore jeans since i was in high school..and even then my mom made me ..i never liked jeans..i am a black pants kinda girl..but these jeans are comfortable and they look good..i like them even with my wraps showing..i have been wrapping my legs again this week..they have been swelling up again and i am trying to get them down to a good size before i wear the hose again..so for now i am wrapped..but i must be used to them now because they dont even bother me..

for some reason this week has been a constant battle to stay on track..and some times i end up not on track with the calories..i havent been able to walk or do much of anything in exercises..with the legs swelling up i really need to get back to walking and try to get them down with the walking..today we are meeting kenz..she is seans new girlfriend and she seems to be a very sweet person..its weird to meet someone new..sean was married for 21 years and irene was the only girl he ever brought home..but i think kenz will be a good match for him..she really adores him and he does her too..and thats important to have that respect for one another..

so i will have more pictures of that meeting up later on..probably another post for that..well tonight i will be sleeping on the couch not in the doghouse now..hehe but my brother is moving into our dads old room and i am going to try the couch to get my legs up since my chair broke on me..thats one reason my legs have been swelling..
i guess i better wrap things up ..hehe..its almost time to meet the new addition..in a couple of years..hehe ya right..hehe

you all have a great sunday..and i wanted to say thank you to denise for emailing me..i tried to email you back but for some reason on my computer i couldnt do it..but i appreciate the email the other day ..and in fact i needed to read it for me..it made me feel good to know i was impacting someone else's life..i was going thru some hard times that day and your email really helped me..so thank you..

you all have a great day and enjoy your life..
kelli

candy isnt such a temptation now..

2010-07-28T23:00:00.004-05:00

i like this pillow ..but it really didnt do a thing for me..hehe and this candy bar is 10 pounds of chocolate..i think its like 75.00 or something..wow what a huge candy bar..

well today was a good day...and still is..im not in bed yet so its still today..hehe im tired though..it has been a busy day for me..had to go this afternoon and get my car checked with the tires and it turns out i had to get a new tire and that was some money i didnt have..but it was turning into a safety issue so it had to be done..but i got up and ate my fiber plus bars..i really like them and i think they do help..but i had started to pour something other than water to drink and i thought stop you have to have to have your water today ..so i went and filled up my water bottle and drank water all day long..i have now consumed 66 ounces of water today..it would have been 72 but i filled it up before i had drank it all the first time..so it was 66..but thats good enough for today..

i was sincerely focusing on everything today..my water and calories and walking and guess what..i got in all in..go me! ya! i had to really focus on food tonight because i hadnt had enough calories today and had to eat more..dont ya love it when you have to force yourself to eat more calories to get it all in..hehe!! but i did some walking tonight late tonight..its just too muggy right now even late..but i did a mile and had to force that ..my pain in my knees have come back at me and now i am going to have to go get the injections by next week..or i will be in alot of pain..

i had a pretty good day..we are going to have to clean in the morning..not a word i actually like but we all have to do it..hehe ive noticed how the candy isnt tempting me anymore.while i was waiting on my car to be fixed..i was standing right next to this candy rack..chips and chocolate and candy of all kinds..and i was kinda hungry to boot..but it didnt bother me like it would have 6 months ago..a few months ago i would have bought something just because i was waiting on the car..but not today..even going to walmart and lately i have been going more than usual..i find myself looking but not enthused like i used to be about all the candy...

i know when i went to walmart the other night with my friend glen..we were looking at the cakes and doughnuts and brownies and anything chocolate..and i acted goofy with it but i didnt want it..really surprised at that too..but now i can go through walmart and not pick up a donut to eat while i am shopping..yes i used to do that..i would keep the wrapper and just tell them what it was..but look at the calories i consumed and didnt realize it just because it was there..not because i was hungry and needed to eat but because it was something sweet and i thought i needed it..

i am so glad i DONT..i have changed so much of my thinking about food and what to drink ..i dont even think about pop..and tonight i had 0 snocones..i think i was just bored and getting myself off track with the snocones..now i dont even crave it..
i sure feel better drinking water..and i mean pure water..well i guess i better get to bed if i am going to get up and clean..hehe hey kenlie have a very safe trip and i will see you sunday...im praying for a safe one..

loveyou all
enjoy your journey..
kelli

this feels good again..

2010-07-27T23:35:00.001-05:00

well today had started out like it used too..i got up and poured my water into the stainless steel container i have, and i sat down to drink my first of 64 ounces of water..so i did ..i got it down and then before we left this afternoon to go to the eye doctor..i was working on my 2nd 24 ounces..whew did i go tot the bathroom...thats what is wrong with all this water..you dont have the time to get to the bathroom..

but i made it..and i kept drinking everywhere we went today i drank my water..i was smokin...not really but i was..hehei just ended my intake for the day and it was 84 ounces of water..whoohoo..not a drop of anything else..well i did have a couple of kiddie snocones..i do have to stop that..that is still sugar even if its a kiddie one..i counted my calories tonight..and i ended up with 1500 calories..i really wanted to be at 1300 and if i had stopped with the snocones i would be..but i will try again tomorrow..i havent weighed in a while and i need too soon...i know i have gained some weight and now over the 300 mark again..i hate that too..i was so looking forward to being under 300 for a change..but i will get there again..i know i will..

i didnt walk tonight i will tomorrow night..my friend was missin me and it isnt very often that he actually tells me that so i went to see him, and we had a good time..he and i always talk so late when were together..time just flies..and so i came home late and didnt have the time to go out real late and walk..so tomorrow will catch me walking and then cleaning..our sister is coming again for a few days and we get to meet kenlie on sunday..so were cleaning away..

but i feel good again..i do and i know God is right here with me helping me all the way..i know one day i will see 130 pounds..and it wont take me forever to get there...im so glad that i have all of you out there to help me along the way..its so nice to have such good support..thank you all..

i guess i better get to bed..its late again..gotta take my car to the mechanics tomorrow..hopefully its not too bad..goodnight!

enjoy the journey
kelli

im rockin tonight!

2010-07-26T23:00:00.007-05:00

okay here i am after i walked the 2 miles..i was sweatin..and tired..and here is the lake that were going to walk sunday .this picture was this last sunday right around a storm coming in..

wow im back...! i was rockin today...i watched my calories and i am drinking my 64 ounces as i write and i walked and walked and walked tonight..i did 2 miles in 41 minutes tonight and was pushin it ..i tellya i was pushin..i hadnt walked in 2 weeks mainly cause of the heat..but also because i had been feeling so down..but not now..i am back..

i had noticed how my legs were creeping back to hurting again..and i am going to have to get the injections in my knees now..i am having a hard time bending over..and i was just starting to feel the pain all over again..so now i am not going to go backwards..not again..not now..i am moving forward and getting this weight off..its coming off and staying off for life..i dont want to get back in the shape i was in..i want to be healthy..and i know its going to take some time..hey i have all the time in the world..i have the rest of my life..and i am going to do this if it takes the rest of it to accomplish it..i was really pushin tonight...i just wanted to do a mile and a half to start, but after i got to the mile and a half then i was still around the corner so i thought why not go for the 2 miles..after all i am going to be walking the 3 miles on sunday with sean and kenz..so i better be ready..

i can t wait either..i have wanted to walk the lake for a long time just wasnt ready to do it til now..but i am going to give it my best try..i did well with the calories..i had 1280 calories today..i did have a kiddie snocone but i hadnt had a whole lot to begin with..i am going to have to start drinking my water as soon as i get up in order to get it all down..but i will tonight..i really feel good today..i know in my heart and my mind its going to come off this time..im not going backwards..

well tomorrow night i am going to push for 2 and a half miles and get up to 3 miles by friday..so i will be walking at night..thats when it is the coolest here..it gets up to over a 100 degrees during the day and even in the evening its still like 90...so when i get home after 10 is when i will walk..but i am back..!!

hope you all are doing well on your journey..
keep drinking the water..
kelli

what a difference a positive mood makes.

2010-07-25T16:20:00.003-05:00

okay here is the big storm that passed over me last night...and here i am drinking water before my hair was colored and then me after my hair was colored..looks the same to me..but i guess thats okay..

i have been in a slump for a couple of weeks ..but i am out of it now..i feel good today..and today is what counts...i decided a couple of days ago to change my mood and be more positive about everything and just know that God will always help me get to the place i need to be in..so thats what i am doing...

i got up yesterday and felt pretty good..i went to work as usual and had a pretty fair day with customers..we had our krazy daze this week and that usually brings the people out in the heat..and with the heat comes thirst and thats where i come in..hehe so i served em up and only had one myself..i finally did get to 1400 calories by last night..i really want to stay at 1300 so i am going to have to be better at not overdrawing any calories from the calorie bank..i like that idea..it sounds cool..

i didnt do as well on my water intake yesterday but i will do better today..i am really focusing on my calories and i have to get back to walking..i havent done that yet and i am afraid i am going to be starting over if i dont start soon..i can already feel the pain in my legs and i dont like that..so i will try again to walk tonight...i will just have too..

i colored my hair last night and thought i was going to be bleached blonde..i was getting so excited..i wanted to see it and take pics but when i got it dry ..it looked like my hair color i have..maybe a touch lighter..but it looks natural..maybe thats a better thing..i am sure noticing how moods really make a difference..if i had stayed in the mood i was getting into..i would have given up already..i know i would have because i used to do this..i used to get all depressed and just give up..then i would gain it all back and then some..not again..i dont want to keep gaining..i cant go backwards..i know i will have days where i dont feel like doing this but i just have to keep going and do it for me and my health..i have to realize this is life or death and i dont want the death part yet..i am going to try and stay around 1300 tonight and hopefully get back to the way i was before and really focus on it ..i want to be healthy and its not that hard to do ..i just have to do it..

i went to walmart last night and picked up a jar of pickles and some eggs to boil..i love deviled eggs and hard boiled eggs too..so i thought for breakfast that would be good..but i could eat pickles anytime..just not too many..
well i hope you all have a great sunday..we had a great sermon at church today and it kinda goes with how i am feeling these days..abraham didnt trust God for one small thing and i need to trust God for this..the chapter was Genisis 20 ...the whole thing..it was a good sermon..so i am going to put this in Gods helping hands and trust Him with all my heart...

have a great day
kelli

a better day!

2010-07-24T02:52:00.004-05:00

here is a better picture of the foutain..

i hope you can see the picture..its the water fountain and the ducks..and then me tonight..i didnt look very good..i was too tired to care tonight..hehe

i am writing pretty late tonight ..this is for friday the 23rd..i worked all day and then visited with my friend and then took pictures of some ducks over at the campus pond and then watched the western with my family..so now i am writing..i wasnt going too..i was just going to go to bed and write tomorrow night..but i thought no i will post something short..

i changed my attitude this morning..i got up and told myself get in a better mood..whatever your problem is its not going to be fixed by not doing the right things for yourself..its not going to work by being in such a bad mood..it just isnt..so i put a smile on and faced the day..i did pretty good today ..i ate around 1500 calories by the time i came home from the day..i wanted to stay around 1300 but i ended up with 15 maybe 1600 calories..not bad considering last night..i also drank 6 glasses of water ..i drank the water all day..i had to focus on it but i did it..i ate the ice at the snocone stand and didnt have hardly any snocones..i had made one kiddie one with a taste of the syrup but i wouldnt say it was anymore than 50 calories if that...

i didnt walk tonight i will try and do that tomorrow..i did have to walk some to get to the pond..it was down the street a ways..i had to park and then walk..so maybe i did get some walking in..but today has been a lot better today..thank you all for the advice and the comments..i talked to my banker too and he is going to work with me on payments..so maybe my finances will get better..but i am going to keep going with the water and the calories and walk til i drop..i will get this weight off if it kills me..hehe and it just might..hehe...i really think the mood does make a difference..i am not perfect and this is not an easy thing to do to lose weight..but i made progress today and that is what counts..i had a smile on my face while i was going thru the day..my problems are the same but i am handling them with a smile instead of stressing out and eating everything in sight.i did good and tomorrow i will do even better..

i better get to bed..tomorrow is another work day..
have a good weekend..
loveyou all
kelli

this is the video i took of the ducks..

this is how my day went!

2010-07-23T00:29:00.000-05:00

okay everyone..i know my day didnt go well..i know i ate too much and did no exercise and very little water..i know that and i know i have to change things..i have to do the exercise and the water and the calories.if i dont i will be right in the same spot and possibly bigger than i was..i am not going to go backwards...i will not do this to myself..i got up at 6 am this morning and was fine..it was thru the course of the day that it was going bad for me..i guess it usually is that way for people..

this is what i ate and how i was feeling at the time..

morning was a protein bar..180 calories i was fine..but hungry..
i went thru the morning and after i had been turned down for a loan to pay my bills and then my friend was telling me how he felt, and then my car was giving out on me and the mechanics were turning me down left and right..this was my morning..this is how it all started..i came home and ate 5 marshmellows which are now gone..125 calories,

then at 1230 i went to work, well my day had already been shot down and i didnt care anymore at this point..so i went thru burger king drive thru and ordered a double cheeseburger combo ..not a small a medium although it would have been a small but they didnt give me that option..i got fries and a 32 ounce dr.pepper..not a dt.drink a regular drink...okay so the meal is 460 for the burger and 410 for the fries and 400 for the drink..then i also got a hershey sunday pie..something i have only been looking at but something i have had and i know how good it is..310 calories..okay were getting into a lot of calories here and its only 1 pm ..

so i go to work and by 3 pm i have eaten all this food..i have watched every bit of food go down my mouth and at the same time thinking to myself what did i just do..this isnt helping..i just made it worse..i thought for a moment that the food would help me..how wrong i was...so now i am drinking my pop and not my water and i have my water there with me...so you can see i was planning on drinking the water today..i was bored now..had 5 customers by 5 pm..what a day and this is crazy days..you would think someone would be around..i kept looking at the blog i had put up earlier and getting on my facebook to see what everyone says..i do that from my phone..so i ate snocone after snocone today..must have been at least 3 ..small of course but i had already had food..so i had way too much sugar..and then by the time i was off at 9 tonight i was wore out and just plain tired of the whole day so i ended up getting a double dip ice cream from braums..not a single dip yogurt..but a double dip ..another 600 calories...
no water and
no exercise and way too many calories..if i havent gained a pound today..i will be very lucky..this was my bad day and hopefully i wont get up in the morning and do this again..it has to stop here..i came home and i have had a bite of cheese which was 100 calories..but its because i went to lay down and ended up falling asleep..so now i am going to go back to sleep and try and have a better day tomorrow..

so lets add this up..
180
125
460
410
310
400
350 for snocones
600
100= 2935..wow what a bad day! no more! NO MORE DAYS LIKE THIS..!
you all see me going down this road again..yell at me ! thanks..
have a great night!
kelli

well im trying to come back..

2010-07-22T08:59:00.002-05:00

am i ever going to get this weight off..?

okay i know im supposed to do this everyday..it is supposed to keep me accountable for how much i eat right? well i have to do this from now on..cause i can see right now i cant seem to keep myself accountable without it..i havent watched the calories lately..oh i watched them go into my mouth..but watching how much i eat hasnt been a big thing lately..and i dont know why..i think maybe i am still not feeling my best yet..and i have just been so depressed about not ever having anyone in my life..one of my friends is now getting married and still being rejected by my friend whom i care so much for..but i should know better than that anyway..im just tired i guess..and the way i feel right now..i just dont care ..iam trying to get back to walking and watching everything..but right now i just am at the point i dont care..i need to get back on my water today..i know i felt better when i was drinking water..but for some reason i havent been drinking any for three days now..i havent walked in a week..and i am finding myself looking heavier again..i hate it and i dont want to be there again..i want to get this weight off and get back to feeling good..im just not sure how to do it anymore..im tired ..

im up early because i took my friend to the mechanics and now i have to pick him up later..i really care for this guy and we used to be engaged ..but now were friends and most of the time its okay.but for some reason now i just want to be more and he doesnt..i guess i cant force it with him but im sure tired of being single all the time..i just feel like im never getting married even if i got thin..and what does that tell ya anyway..that i have to be thin to be attractive..i dont think so! i think im attractive now..i always thought i was a pretty lady..just a heavy lady..but i know i need to do this for my health ..and reality shows that people need to be attracted to you before they can get to know you..so i guess i need to get it off..but i need it for me first..i dont want the pain again..i dont want the bad legs again..i know i need to start walking and really watch the calories..i have too..im just tired..and feeling depressed..

well im going to try and walk today and drink my water.. and watch all my calories..i have too if i want to get going again..my sister bought a used stationary bike last night and she is really doing well with that and her water..she is rockin the water..im so glad she is..now i have to get better with it again..so wish me luck tryin to get started again..have a good day!

loveya all
kelli

whew im tired..this was a long day of the unexpected..

2010-07-18T00:57:00.003-05:00

here iam today..i am drinking my water in one and the other was so cool..i just wanted to post it...hehe

well ive been working at the stand all weekend like i normally do every day..but today has been different..one of our girls quit and the other one was out with an injury..so that left my uncle and me..we did it though..we held down the fort..he was at number 1 and i was at number 2..of course i closed up and went over and helped him so he could go get something to eat..so today i have been working from 2 til 1130 tonight..and boy am i tired..but i have noticed since i have lost 60 pounds ..i can reach higher and move better..this is a stand that i usually dont like to work at..just because i cant reach anything and its always so busy that it wears me out..but tonight even after i had worked all day...i was okay..i wasnt in pain or not able to bend..i could move and reach for things on the top shelf..that i couldnt do a few years ago..i was so glad to notice that..it made me feel good to know that what i am doing is truly affecting me in a very positive way...i knew it but its nice to see it..

i have been drinking my water all day now and have had 6 glasses..i have to get 8 in from now on..it seems to be a hard thing when i am reading..see i am not focusing on it..iam focusing on my bible..but i will just have to keep remembering it and get it down.i still havent walked yet..i am going to have to get back to it..i need to find a way to walk even in the hot air..it is so hot here ..that it fogs up my glasses just going outside..i was doing well tonight on my eating..i have got to do better though..no more cheeseburgers..i have to get away from the red meat..it just isnt good for me..i need the salads..well i am hoping i have the day off tomorrow..i am supposed too..we'll see...i will try and walk some tomorrow..i need to get back with it before i end up going back to the start..oh i do not want to do that..

well its late..so iam going off to bed..i dont think i will have a problem going to sleep tonight..goodnight all..
have a wonderful sunday..
kelli

reading a good book sure helps to relax..

2010-07-16T00:46:00.003-05:00

ya like my new haircut..i did it myself..and here iam drinking the water and no makeup..whew what a picture..hehe

i have been going thru so much emotional stuff for like a week or so..but today i decided i needed to let it go..whatever happens happens..and what i need to do for myself is focus on God and let Him do what i cant..i have been saved since i was 9 years old..there is no one in this world that can tell me there is no God..i know because i am here..i know because this world is still standing..i know because i believe.. but as a christian we have duties or laws to go by that comes from God..we all have laws to go by even non christians these are the ten commandments..given by God..i try to go by them..i know i am a sinner ..we all are...but i do try and live a christian life ..i try and love everyone..i said i try..hehe it is hard to love everyone..i just dont know how Jesus did it..i know its because He was perfect and were not..but we are to try and live as close a life like Jesus as we can..well i am probably far from perfect as i know we all are..if we were living the life we should be ..then we probably wouldnt be blogging about our obesity..since its a sin too..

i decided today i needed to get closer to God..i needed to know the Book like i should have known it years ago..i hadnt ever really read my Bible..i had only skimmed through and read a few chapters here and there..but i have been reading for a while now..well i think since i started blogging i started reading too..but lately i hadnt given God enough of my time..and so i decided since i wasnt getting customers and even through the customers i would read..i didnt turn my dvds on or my music ..i just read and read..and i read 15 chapters in a couple of hours..i had gone through the first book and was into EXODUS..Genesis was the first book and i was reading about Joseph and his brothers who were so mean to him..Joseph was an amazing man..he was only 30 when he was imprisoned for something he didnt do..but he didnt give up..he had faith that God was with him all the time, and that He was going to make things better later on..it was an amazing story..something i needed to hear..i needed to read this and know even though i do know ..but God turned everything around for him..God took the bad and made it good..He made Joseph's life more abundant because Joseph had the faith in GOD that HE would do it..

like i said i read this at work..i dont get to do much else anymore..im just thankful i can read it at work..alot of jobs wont let you bring books..but while i was reading i was becoming more and more relaxed..i guess i needed it tonight..i was sitting there drinking my water and reading my Bible and helping customers too..i did get a few...hehe but i felt like i could do this..and i know with the help from God i will do this..because really this is Gods doing ..not mine..He is the one who gives me strength everyday to get up and keep going..HE gives me strength to say no to dr.pepper every single day of my life..and so i dont get the credit here..God is my provider and my strength and i know He is the one who will deserve the credit when the journey is over..

i came home and i was going to go walk but we got a storm brewing up and then it got too late and the storm never came..but the lightening did..so now i will try again tomorrow..maybe i will be able to walk in front of my house tomorrow night to get back to it..i have been drinking my water and i got 6 glasses down me and i am working on 9 now..got 6 last night..so im close just not always hitting 64 ounces..i decided to trim my hair tonight so i did and ended up trimming the whole head so here iam with my new haircut drinking my water with NO MAKEUP ON..WOW what a picture that is ..hehe

well i am going to bed now..i certainly appreciate all of ya with the comments and the concerns..i have just had some rough patches lately and hopefully now i will give it to God and let it rest..
so you all have a great friday ..keep drinking the water...
loveya all
kelli

im gettin there.

2010-07-14T22:37:00.002-05:00

here iam today drinking my water..drink drink drink..

i have had a pretty good day today..its been hot and still is..i still didnt do my walking tonight but i will try and do some tomorrow evening..its just super hot around here..right now its almost 11 and its still almost 90..so its hot..i am drinking the water..and thats not too hard for me now..im on 6 glasses right now and will get to 9 before bed...i drank 9 last night and am not doing bad there..

i feel okay right now..i know im always going to have some sorta struggle with my life and my weight and my emotions..i just have to accept that im getting older and being older means different things for women than it does for men.im not a young girl anymore..so losing weight is going to take its own time and my emotions will be the same..i will always be an emotional woman and probably have crying spells for no reason even when im happy..its just me..

i guess i just have to relax and let the weight come off and do what i need to do everyday and keep going whether i feel like it or not..i have to keep having faith that God is always going to be with me and provide for me whether i can provide for me ..i know He is ..im just always worried about my finances and i just need to leave it to God and let Him do it..i am trying to enjoy the day and i really appreciate all the readers i have on here..i was overwhelmed today looking at the count of people ..that was amazing..

well i did do well with my calories and i am drinking my water ..walking is the next thing i need to do again..i worked today at the snocone stand and drank my water instead..im surrounded by 40 flavors of snocones and could have any amount i want for free..but i try to keep it to 2 or less and make it a very small one especially if i havent gotten to eat much..but its something im around this all day and im drinking water..whoohoo..something is right here..

have a good night.
kelli

keeping the water going but thats it right now..

2010-07-13T22:46:00.002-05:00

me today

well i have had a very emotional few days..iam so tired of going thru the emotional rollercoaster that iam on..its not fun.i was doing well before and walking and getting my calories on track and now the last couple of days i just cant seem to get the urge to do anything like this..i am drinking my water and right now i have had 6 glasses and will have 3 more by the time i go to bed...

i just didnt walk tonight and for my emotional reasons i didnt walk last night either..tonight its still way tooo hot..but i am trying to get myself back on track and keep going..i have to do this for me..i have to keep going strong and keep moving forward so that one day i will be here instead of in the ground..i dont think my calories went over today.i just wasnt watching like i should have been...ididnt eat a lot today cause i was at work all day and didnt have any money..so i did drink my water ..yesterday i didnt do anything but 3 glasses of water..it just wasnt in me to drink anything..

iam just hoping i can have a better week and get myself back on track..
have a good night..
kelli

gettin closer to my 3 miles..

2010-07-12T00:16:00.003-05:00

these are pictures from today.. we had some weather that looked bad so God gave us a rainbow to remind Him to not flood us anymore..
here i am tonight after i walked 2 miles and the geese were crossing the road..they were on their way to a picnic..hehe

today was sunday..my day off from work..i only get one day off and today was it..i got up not wanting to go to church..the devil was gettin to me.but i fought back and went.i am so glad i did..i needed the lesson this morning and the preacher was a guest today so it was meant for me to be there..i felt good while i was there and even felt good sometime afterward..but somewhere during the afternoon my mood sorta changed and i didnt feel so great anymore..i wasnt eating my troubles away just depressed...i am finding myself to be more depressed lately and i feel like its up and down alot..i dont know what the deal is except maybe i am a woman and knowing that, i have so many emotions to overcome..

i take a nerve pill which i am so thankful for..a few months ago i was a mess and i dont want to feel like that again..i have noticed i have come along way since then..i am 33 pounds thinner than i was in feb..and most of the time i feel pretty good..i dont cry all the time like i used too..and now if i do cry its not crying for along time, its just a spell every now and then..so i am better..i dont know i think i am still so worried about my money that i dont have, that it makes me depressed..i cant do anything because i have no money..but i have to depend on God and He WILL take care of me ..i know that i just have to have the faith that i say i have..i have to keep believing and knowing that God is going to take care of me and my family..

i didnt do badly on calories today or yesterday..but i havent drank any water today..and thats a no no..i start a water challenge tomorrow with sean and kenz..so i better get to drinking the water again..i did walk last night while i was at work i walked a mile and then i came home and walked a mile..i felt better yesterday for some reason...today i didnt want to walk but i posted it on fb and some girls jumped on me right away and said i better go walk..thanks girls..i did walk even though we were getting ready for a storm..but i guess it blew over cause it hasnt happened yet..anyway i went out and did 2 miles in 42 minutes and still didnt want to walk when i was walking..but i am glad i did..i came in sweatin and burning calories so i did my body good..now hopefully i will get to 3 miles next week..i want to walk the lake soon..alot of people were walking the lake tonight..that was nice to see..
i go back to work tomorrow and another day..

talk to you all later..
feeling the pain..
kelli

wow im going wild with my walking! whoohoo

2010-07-10T02:34:00.004-05:00

these are pics from the movie and susies birthday..the one im in is me sweatin after i got thru walking tonight..whoohoo! what a fun day!

okay i know this is late..im a night owl if you dont already know this..this is for friday the 9th..i want to say thank you first to all of you for the comments ..i appreciate all of them..i have been really feeling down lately because of my finances, but i figured out, i cant let the finances take control of this situation..i have to separate things..my life is different than my control over my eating and my exercise..it has to be..what happens in my life is going to happen regardless of whether i am small or big..so i need to let go of that line and keep going with this one..i am going to do better at my water and my calories from now on..i am doing well with my walking and that amazes me..i didnt do too well until tonight..i was just too depressed to walk lately..but tonight i thought well would you rather be a heavy depressed person who wont be here too long..or a healthy depressed person who might have a longer lifespan to be depressed ..hehe so i chose the later..and iam glad i did..now maybe i will be a healthy person who will get out of this slump im in financially one day..and be able to live to see it..

today was seans moms 65th birthday...my sister likes cake and she likes to celebrate..so we did..all of us ended up back at cici's tonight for her birthday..i gave her some sunglasses i thought she would like and we had already gotten all our stuff, but she got some roses from us too..but i know she and i didnt do well with the calories tonight..i have done okay lately by not going past 1500 except yesterday..i was 1600..but tonight i know for sure i didnt do well..now sean probably did..well probably isnt the right word..i know he did well..but tomorrow i will do better and better..we ate alot more than our calories..i know that..

but tonight after i came home from eating all that.i went out and walked after dark..its so quiet around here..and i cant walk til the sun goes down..its just tooo hot..but i walked for 47 minutes and did 2.30 miles tonight..farthest i have walked yet..when i came in i was sweatin..boy was i sweatin..then we sat down to glen ford and 310 to yuma..what a great movie..my dad looked alot like glen ford..he really did..well im tired now and need some sleep..you all have a great saturday..im going to do 2 and a half miles tomorrow night..i wanna be 3 miles next week..gonna do it..!
loveyou all
feelin the pain..
kelli

these were of the birthday party..whoohoo!

too stressed for anything..

2010-07-08T01:33:00.002-05:00

i wasnt going to do this tonight, but i thought maybe writing it down might help me feel better some..i have been having the most stressed out days that i have ever seen..i have too many bills and i need to get them all paid before i have too many student loans to pay..but right now i am in between jobs so to speak..and i need to find a good one..i only have less than 2 months til my uncle closes and right now iam not getting to work as it is..the weather just isnt letting me do anything..

i did brown bag it to work today..and did really well with my calories..i have been eating fruit like apples and bananas instead of snocones and other junk...i have been better the last two days when it came to the calories..i guess my nervousness was just getting to me but now i know to really focus on it and pay attention..i have to or i would nibble all day..i didnt walk tonight, instead i kept worrying and crying over my finances...it has got me down so bad i just cant stand it anymore..i drank 3 glasses of water tonight..i will do better tomorrow on the water..i am going to be in the water challenge with sean and kenz and so i better get to drinking the 9 glasses again..i did do well last night though..after i had come home, i decided i needed to go walk even after the rain..so i did and i walked 2.1 miles in 48 minutes now..im going to be up to 3 miles by next week i hope..but yeah i went the extra tenth of a mile...i was so glad..it really took it out of me to do it but i got it done...
so hopefully tomorrow is going to be a better day for me..were supposed ot have alot of rain tomorrow and friday..so we will see if we walk for the next two days..
have a great thursday..
trying to feel my best..
kelli

trying to get back on track..

2010-07-06T19:13:00.003-05:00

this is me and sean a year ago in the winter time..and us now last saturday..

i have had a very busy weekend..i have finally walked my 2 miles all at once...whoohoo i was excited about that..but even though i had done well walking..i ate and ate over the weekend..i wasnt very good about my calories this past weekend..i kept finding myself eating without thinking..saturday we went to the stockade and that was a day where i watched my calories but that started the cake..im not doing well when it comes to the cake..i didnt feel so good eating the amount i had eat...and then not drinking enough water..im finding if i dont start drinking my water right away, then i may not drink enough.. so i have to just stay away from all pop..

then i thought okay i will begin again tomorrow...maybe i will have a better day..well im not sure that happened..july4th and we were home to eat and i ate the meal without finding out the calories first...i really should have first..because we had goulash and that is fattening..520 calories in one serving..i ate like 3 cups of it..so i know i didnt do well sunday..and then our fireworks got canceled so i ended up eating and nibbling and now iam back to the work week..but on sunday i did do the 2 miles in 42 minutes..so im not sure how this weekend has effected me..but i do know i was eating and not thinking and i have to stop that..it isnt going to work if i keep eating like that.

i did do well on my water yesterday.i drank 8 glasses of water and tried to get my calories back on track..but for some reason i have just been a nervous eater lately and i dont like it..i even started doing it today too.but decided if i was going to just eat, then maybe an apple would be better for me..so i have eaten 2 apples and a banana today..im trying to realize when these times happen and what iam doing at the time to maybe try and prevent it from happening..

i think right now im more stressed out over not having the job i need to have.i have bills and bills and right now the job i have depends on the weather and with this weather i havent got to work..so i eat..im trying not too but i have to really focus on it..this whole week is going to be rain and more rain.so i hope i can do better this week than i have this past weekend.

hope you all have a good night..
kelli

well i beat the buffett..

2010-07-04T00:02:00.004-05:00

these are the pictures of today..sean is actually eating some birthday cake in one of them..my oh my..hehe

well as i said earlier this afternoon..we were going to go to the stockade for a birthday celebration..we had my birthday last weekend but we didnt have the money to go to the stockade then, so we thought we would do my sisters and mine together so everyone would be able to make it and have the amount of money they would need..so we picked july 3rd..everyone has money by then..it was a good dinner..to start it though my sister tripped and fell pretty hard on the concrete..but she seems to be okay..she saved the cake though..whew! lol we went in and got everyone seated, and it was so cold in there we had to change areas before everything was over with..we had some rain today and that made every place colder than normal..

my sister had ordered a chocolate and white cake with whipped icing..ummm that is the best kind and so good..i got my plate and started doing what i used to do all the time..i went for the meat and main stuff first..then i thought no stop you have to have some salad and do this right..i was going back to the old ways..i could feel it..i knew it this time..so i went and got another plate and got my salad..lots of salad without dressing..i just dont need dressing anymore..i really like it without..so i probably looked like i was pigging out but i wasnt..i went back and sat down and took some pics of it..and then i ate the salad and the main plate sat there for awhile and then i looked at it and you know what..it didnt look as good as it had before..i thought wow i didnt want this stuff..so i didnt eat it..i did eat the roll and the green beans and a bite of meat but i had my fill of salad ..i went back again and this time for salad and fruit and watermelon and strawberries and tomatoes and wow im making myself hungry for it again..NOT! iam not at all hungry..i went away with a pain from the salad..i couldnt believe it ..i didnt even eat the main food but the salad stuff hurt me...

so i am now trying to get over that..but the cake was sure good..i know i did well for the buffet but the cake is still fighting me all the way..i ate the icing and the cake and went back for more on that..i dont want to do that again..i cant go up with this weight..and then we came home and speaking of up..thats what we watched..UP the movie..it was so funny and so sad..and ed asner did such a great job..i loved it and so did everyone else..now we are getting ready for bed and going to church tomorrow and then shoot the works..hehe
hope you all have a safe 4th of july..loveyou all
stay safe and dry..
feeling good all the time..
kelli

a rained out day..

2010-07-03T13:28:00.002-05:00

well today is saturday and it looks like a flood here...it just keeps raining and raining and i wanted to go walk..iam hoping i get to tonight ..i really like my walking now..it feels so good to just go and walk and for me its relaxing..it helps me get over my headaches sometimes and builds muscle at the same time..i like to think about things when i am out walking.i used to listen to my ipod but i dont do that much now ..i just walk..i focus more on the speed and the time now...and whether i am getting in a good workout..i walked 1.6 miles last night and it took me 33 minutes so i am getting faster and faster..by next week i will be walking 2 miles and then 3 miles all at one time..i am working up to it..

we are going to the stockade this evening and celebrate all the summer birthdays while we are all here...this is going to be fun..lots of pictures and challenging myself again to stay under control..i can do this..i will do this..i will keep at this for the rest of my life..this is my life now..this is me..this is how i am going to be the rest of my days..this is control..iam worth all the walking and control over food..iam worth everyday i do this...iam worth it because iam..

i have noticed this week my sister and i both have been eating out of emotions.we are both nervous eaters and it is one thing i am trying to really focus on..iam watching everything i put in my mouth now but i know when i get stressed out i nibble more..even if i started out doing well..i sometimes end up with more calories than i need..i need to really focus on the fact that food does nothing for my situation..it only makes things worse..it puts pounds on my hips that i dont need and makes me feel bad about myself..it doesnt tastes that good..hehe

tomorrow we are supposed to be going to see the fireworks..i hope we dont get rained out ..i love watching the fireworks at the lake.. my momma is sleeping already ..she sleeps alot and i guess when you get to be 83 you are going to sleep more than usual..i hope we get to have her around long enough to see me get all this weight off..i really wish i had done this sooner, but now iam doing it and that is what matters..ijust remember how she was always wanting me to lose this weight when i was a kid..she didnt want me to become heavy like she had been..it would have been nice if i had never started drinking pop..that is where all the weight started..pop does no one any good..whatsoever..does not help ..only hurts..a few years ago even a few months ago, you would never catch me without pop..without dr.pepper..had to have it..thought i would die if i didnt ..can you imagine thinking you only live for the pop you drink..? i was like that..im so glad my mind changed around..i know GOD helped me here..i know He did..i cant do this on my own..

well i will post later tonight or tomorrow and tellya how i did at the stockade..have a great weekend..stay safe and dry..loveyou all
still feeling good..
kelli

why is this day so long...?

2010-07-02T19:46:00.002-05:00

Why why why...? I can't understand why this day has been the longest day in history for me..
I am at work right now and I have been since 2..you would think 6 hours wouldn't feel
Like forever..but it does..I started out the day being busy..better than yesterday and it flew
By yesterday...I'm tired and right now..I wanna go home..I should be walking right now
But I'm not..I'm sitting and sitting isn't going to help me one bit..I ate a brownie and I
Shouldn't have..I brownbagged it today..iam finding I need to bring my food with me to work..
If I do that I can control the caories better and my money better..hehe

I made a sandwich with turkey and cheese and put mustard on it..it was good and it hit
The spot at the right time..I ate it about 5 ..I had already had about 300 calories before
That and so now I've had about 940 calories..but the day isn't over yet..so I bet I eat something
I know iam going to walk when I get home..I have to..I think being bored to death and the
Weather has given me a headache today..I'm drinking my 6 glasses of water right now and
Before I go to bed it will be 9 down me..last night I walked a mile and a half all at once..so tonight
Iam going to go for 2 miles at once..I'm trying to get to 3 miles so I can walk boomer lake and
Not feel tired..I am feeling good these days and really feeling like I can walk all over the place..
It feels nice to be able to walk and not have to worry about a cane or maybe going into
A wheelchair later..I have been trying to figure out what kind of food I need to buy to make
For my lunch or supper...I'm not used to eating a lot while I'm here but I need to eat one meal and that
I need to bring with me..

Well this is the 4th of july weekend and everyone will be grilling..I hope you all enjoy it and have fun..
Were expecting rain for the weekend and that's not fun..I hope we do get to see the fireworks.
Tomorrow we are going to the stockade to celebrate my birthday and my sisters birthday..so I'm going to
Keep it under control..I can do this..I've done it before and I will do it again..have a great night
Everybody..

Still feeling good..
Kelli

another long day ahead..

2010-07-01T11:44:00.003-05:00

my mom and sister jean..dont they look like twins..and the other one was at our reunion last sunday momma and her girls and her brother..my last uncle.. and then sean sharing a couch which he couldnt do before..showing the picture of kenz to his aunt and uncle..

i got up every 3 hours last night thanks to my water pill, and drinking all the water i can all day..i dont even think about drinking dr.pepper anymore..it just doesnt taste good now..i guess my taste buds were just so used to sugar that the pop was what i wanted..now i dont..i just want the water and i know the water is what i need..its amazing how the tastes buds change just like that and now the sweets are going away too..im glad of that..i dont need the sweets..that has always been my weakness..ice cream is it for me..i didnt get to walk last night..or should i say i didnt walk..i had a migraine headache yesterday and i just couldnt do anything..so iam going to try to walk tonight..iam noticing though,if i dont do the exercise with the calories..i dont lose..it takes all of it at the same time..i guess its the burning of the calories as well as eating enough at the same time..and then flushing it out with the water..got a make the body a clean temple...

my mom and i are watching the andy griffith show right now..good moral values and funny at the same time..cant beat that..im going to work today and work all day until tonight..so this is my blog for the day..my sister and her husband is here for a visit with my mom and all of us and so it has been a good week and a busy one too..kinda out of our routine which my mom is not liking too well..but it happens sometimes..you just have to go with the flow..lol

i am noticing how much better i feel everyday..its amazing and i can walk so well..dont even need the handicapped sticker anymore..i told my doctor i felt funny even asking him for another one..now i can walk..so iam walking and feeling good doing it..i dont think i will be going back to the way i was..i feel too good walking everyday..i did do exercises in the stand last night..and iam trying to move around as much as i can..i know that sitting is not the best thing to do all day..
so today i will drink all my water and get my walks in and stay around my calories..this is what i will do everyday..i have to do it for me..
hope you all have a wonderful day..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI

just thinkin.

2010-06-29T18:40:00.003-05:00

As I sit here at my job again..this time just the evening shift..iam drinking my water and listening to the oldies station..not that iam old..but I like it better than rock these days..I read on my phone where oklahoma has become #6 in the
Nation for obese children....I hate that..I am so sad thinking of all the people that
Won't get this early enough and end up gone before they should..I would love to
Help as many people as I can to gain control of their choices..and that's what it is..
We just have to take control of our choices..I went to kfc today with my mom and my sisters and
Brother in law and my uncle came up..this is the day they have 2.49 countryfried steak dinner
And we used to always go on tuesdays to get it..I went but I got a piece of grilled chicken
And a corn cob..and a bisquit..so I had 440 calories in mine...that dinner is 870 calories altogether..
I couldn't believe it..no wonder I was so heavy..look at all the bad choices I made just to save a
Dollar..it was terrible..I know I will not do this again..

I started thinking about all the people who eat this kind of food on a daily basis..how
Can they do this to themselves and think they are doing okay..I never really thought about
Calories til now..and then look at the carbs..iam borderline diabetic which I'm not sure how close to a diabetic iam
But I do know that if I had kept eating the way I was ..I wouldn't be here now..I was on my way down..
Down to the wheelchair, and down to not ever being able to get myself back up..I was there..
My heaviest was just 2 years ago at 356 pounds and I don't think I will forget very soon how I felt then..
I couldn't breathe and I couldn't walk without the cane, I was miserable and lonely
Thought for sure I was going to die an old maid..and
who knows that's possible..but now I have a chance
Iam working with God and He is giving me stength everyday to keep going..

As I said before, I would really like to help people in anyway I can..I know how these people
Feel..and believe me I'm still there just getting closer to the other side and can't wait to get there..
How fun is that going to be..actually wearing a size 10 or smaller..wow what a day that will be..
I wish everyone could get it at the same time and the whole world lose weight together..what a nice thought..
I walked last night when I got back home and did a mile..I'm going to walk again tonight..I'm going after it now..its mine
This year is my time to change and if you all want to join me come right along..I've got plenty of room..
Have a great evening..
God Bless you
Kelli

another day, another nickel...

2010-06-28T17:11:00.003-05:00

me tonight and the pretty sunset across the street..or across the sky..

Here iam sitting here at work ..I've been here since 1 and will be here til 10 tonight..long hours..really long..I don't get a lot of customers around here and really I don't know why..were close to walmart..why wouldn't we be busy..but anyway its a job..I don't get paid a lot but I've been doing it for 18 years and can do it in my sleep..so changing jobs for me is kinda scary if I can even find one these days..

I'm just wonderin what I'm going to eat tonight..all I have are the choices of burger king or if I want to run across the busy highway I can go to carl jr.s so I think I better stick with burger king..but I'm not liking them too well..but I can't starve..that's not good..iam already on my 3rd bottle of water and that holds 3 glasses of water in it..so I will hit 12 glasses tonight..that's a lot of water..I've already hit the bathroom 7 times today

..its something when you drink the water and then you have a water pill too..boy that really works..I'm going to walk tonight ..maybe this evening around here and get in I hope 2 miles..I need to step it up..I was so excited this morning..I was able to really weigh on our scales today..I couldn't believe it..as long as we have had these scales..I have never been able to weigh on them til now..that was a good feeling..I really know in my heart that this is it..I'm not going back again..I'm moving forward and keep going..gonna lose it all and see what happens..I know this year is just starting and gonna be a great year..

So far I've only had 300 calories so I need to get some calories down me..but I'm enjoying this ..its simple once you get used to what you have to do..its not that hard..just a constant effort to keep going..and that is the hard part sometimes..I guess I better get off here for a few minutes..you all have a good evening..
God bless you all
Kelli

a day to rest and more ham than i need..

2010-06-28T00:42:00.002-05:00

i had a great day yesterday and it was a good day today as well..but today we had a reunion to go to, and a ham and bean supper at home..a little out of our routine..so this was a day where i had to guesstimate the calories and i was lucky i had sean here to help me with it.of course i have my handy calorie counter on my phone that i use but he knows more about these calories than i could ever imagine he would..so i asked him what he thought..after church today we headed home for a few minutes and then over to the fairgrounds to have a family reunion with my moms cousins which i guess are mine too..hehe but we dont know alot of these people and sometimes it feels kinda weird to go to a place where you feel like a stranger..but today felt good..both of my sisters and my mom and my uncle went and we came for my moms side of the family..it was a nice reunion and so many people were there today..usually not alot attends anymore..but today it was a big crowd..

i took alot of pictures of course and got into some of them as well..it was fun and we saw people that are getting older and are my moms first cousins so i took pictures of all of them..they still had food there and i was hungry..so i went over and got a bite of two or three items and a very very small piece of cake..which looked so good i dare not turn it down..so then we went home and it was almost time to eat..oh boy here are the ham and beans..ummmm they were good and still are..we still have some for tomorrow and will probably eat a little more then too..but after i ate a couple of pieces of ham and a few beans ..i then asked sean what he thought the calories were and he said probably around 240 and he would be about right..i looked it up tonight and it was 180 for a cup and i didnt even have a cup..it was just on my plate..so i didnt have alot then..but i went back for the ham..i love ham and we never get ham..probably for this reason...and so i ate too many pieces of ham tonight and my stomach hurt and hurt..i am still hurting from the ham..i ended up laying down and did for a while ..but i decided i had to get up and go walk at least a little bit..so i did..i walked a half mile and then the storms started in around here..which is nice since it has been so hot..sean went to boomer and walked and i did a half mile..gotta get back to walking more..i hope tomorrow..

but this has been my day..sorta quiet..i guess thats good..maybe restful..im working all day tomorrow so we'll see how much walking i get in..hope you all have a great monday..seeya later..
goodnight and GOD BLESS YOU
KELLI

wow what a birthday..a day in control..what a nice gft..

2010-06-27T00:53:00.003-05:00

we were all taking our pictures with the big bear..isnt he cute..

this has been the most amazing day..it has been so much fun..we started out last night watching the western and at counting down to midnight was fun and my family sang happy birthday to me..then we got up today and before we went anywhere i cleaned the house some..our sister and brother in law came tonight for a week so we were cleaning for the last few days..but around 3 we went to the rocky mountain chocolate factory and it was so cool..they had every kind of chocolate you could imagine..they even had chocolate potato chips..can you imagine..so my sister and i got a chocolate peanut butter ice cream cone..all i wanted..i figured the calories must have been around 450 so i counted it like that..i was giving myself 1600 and hoping i would stay within that..i got a free chocolate truffell and i gave it to my brother so he could taste it too..im not into the troufells but he liked it..i just wanted ice cream..hehe

so we were there for about an hour and looked around and i took lots of pictures..it was great..i really had fun..we even had our picture with the big bear outside too..hehe and so then we went home for an hour before we went to cici's ..some of our cousins came around that we didnt know was in town ..of course we should have because we have a reunion tomorrow for my moms cousins..and so we will be there for a little while ..anyway we visited for an hour and then we were off to cici's..i was really conscious of this place now..in my mind i was saying you can do this kelli..you know you can..and guess what i did..i did do it..

i walked in and when i got my buffet, i went over and started down the line and went for the pasta first ..but then i stopped and said no you dont need extra pizza..i was going to order the supreme thin pizza and eat 2 slices and thats it..and thats what i did..i went to the salad and ate that without the dressing..and ate the little bowl of pasta and then i even went over and got the brownies myself for everyone but not me..! i didnt get a brownie and i always do..i didnt do a cinnomon roll either and i always do 1, 2, 3 and sometimes 4..i didnt do any...i didnt need it and it was added calories..i had an 1/8 of the cake which is 230 calories and i left it at that...wow i did good..i really did..i was so pleased..

when we came home then a few minutes later i went with my friend glen and he and i ended up at braums..he bought us banana splits..i had done well and still had 220 calories to hit the 1600 but i knew this was going to do something..but to my surprise i didnt eat even half of it..he said he didnt want me to eat it all if i didnt want it..and as much as i wanted it..i didnt want all those calories..so i threw it away..i ate some of it but most of it went into the trash..so im not sure how many calories i ate there but i did well just the same..i even drank 5 glasses of water along with all the sweets but it was a good day..all day long it was a good day..i enjoyed it and plan on having a blast all year long til my next birthday..it was amazing ..and all my fb friends were amazing as well..it was a happy birthday for sure..i enjoyed it and will always remember it..now onto next year..!
GOODNIGHT AND GOD BLESS..
KELLI

View all

Get your own

its my birthday and i'll party if i want too..party if i want too..you would party too if it happened too you..! hehe

2010-06-26T02:05:00.003-05:00

here is the perfect gift for any birthday..a big hug..and its free!

this is who we watched tonight..el dorado..cant beat john wayne!

well today june 26th is my birthday..iam 42 years young..and thats it young..i feel young at least i did til i layed down on the couch to watch a western tonight and couldnt get back up without my back going into pain..wow when did i get this old..i felt like i was getting old when that happened..and iam not..im as old as my mom was when she had me..she was 41 and i was the last of the crew..so i shouldnt feel old..no kids and no husband to take care of ..i should feel as young as i can..and sometimes i do..i know getting this weight off will help me feel even younger..i already feel so much better than i did even 4 months ago..now i can walk a mile in 20 minutes..when i started it took me an hour to walk a mile..i was going pretty slow..but now i just briskly walk..its a nice feeling to get a workout like that..tonight i went out and walked my mile ..i did it after dark and really wasnt feeling well when i did it..but i thought i have to get in at least a mile..and so i did..last night i did a mile and a half after dark..and really felt it..it was good..i was sweatin all over the place..

i did well with the calories last night but tonight friday night not too great..if i had gone back and told the burger king people about the mistake then maybe my night would have been better calorie wise but i didnt and so here iam at 1800 calories for the day..i had ordered a grilled chicken sandwich and they ended up giving me a breaded chicken sandwich and i didnt even like it..but i was so sick drom the heat and the sweets that i didnt go back and tell them..i was at work and had to walk over there and i really didnt feel like walking back over so i ate it anyway..but i had already had a snocone a tiny one but one just the same and it made me sick..i cant do sweets anymore..i got sick last night too..but i have been drinking my water..got 9 glasses down me tonight and 6 down me last night..doing good on the water..

i am going to the chocolate factory tomorrow and have a dip of ice cream..thats all i want ..i really just want to see the place.. and then later on we are going to cici's and have some pizza..i have a free buffet..i dont think i will have much pizza though..i am going to try and make it more salad and a piece maybe..iam not too big on their pizza but were not the richest family right now so its good..

i feel good about this year..i know this is going to be an awesome year..something i have never experienced before ..losing all my weight and keeping it off.. i have never actually lost a big amount before except for when i was on the fen fen..then i had lost 75 pounds and gained back 100..so this time no diet drugs..just good old fashioned work..i really feel this is a year like none before ..i am going to do my very best to make it that way..hopefully the good Lord will help me see it that way..

well i havent done a whole lot except work and clean..my sister is coming in from michigan sunday so were cleaning the house real good..well i will post birthday pictures tomorrow night..hope you all have a wonderful saturday..i know iam going too..seeya all later..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI

not an ordinary day...reached my first goal..whoohoo!

2010-06-24T00:37:00.003-05:00

okay this is me and my friend lisa ..isnt she pretty...and then me today at 296..whoohoo and this is our sun going down and the storm moving in..

well i dont think this day could have gotten any better if it tried super hard too..this has been a wonderful day..i got up knowing i was going to make this an awesome day and the good Lord provided a super great day..when we got up to go do our normal thing which we need to try and do something else..wendys has so many carbs in the food..and the sodium..its awful..but we watch the calories and really we are going to have to watch the carbs and sodium intake too..

but before we did that.i wanted to go weigh..i just wanted to see how close i am to what i wanted..i know the last time i weighed it was disappointing and it had said i had gained..but not today! wow..i looked at those scales and looked again..296..WOW 296..CAN YOU BELIEVE IT..296..hehe..i wanted so badly to be under 300 by my birthday and now i am 296..i really couldnt get over it..i had a 9 pound loss in a week...wow!

so after i stared at it for a minute then i realized i was under 300..i hadnt been under 300 since i was 30..and this saturday i will be 42..so 12 years..wow it sure makes a difference..so i ran out to the car with the biggest smile on my face and my sister knew something was up..it was amazing..and here lately i was getting all worried that i wasnt losing anything at all..

this was my water pill and water and walking and watching the calories..you do everything together and whoohoo it comes off..so now iam in twoturville..whoohoo!

well as soon as i got somewhere i posted it on my fb and told the whole world..it was quite exciting...hehe everyone got so excited and was just so happy..i was estatic..i could not believe it all day...i went to work and i had only been there for an hour and a friend of mine came to meet me from facebook..she lives in another town around here and was in town to do some shopping..and wanted to come see me..we hadnt met til now and wow we are pretty much alike..we talked for an hour and a half and i didnt have one customer the whole time..i couldnt believe it ..i have not had an ordinary day..she is so sweet and a really great lady and i enjoyed the visit so much..we had to take a picture..just had too..hehe

then i was going to walk when i got home tonight but we are getting a storm in now and it had been thundering and lightening all evening so my walk is gone til tomorrow..i am really trying to see where i would like to go for my birthday..i know were going to cici's that evening ..but i wanted to go to the chocolate factory and just go in and look around ..its on main street here in town and i wasnt going to eat alot of chocolate ..probably share something..i dont know..my friend has been trying to talk me out of it because its like torture ..why go into the place if were not going to eat something there is what he is saying..but i dont know maybe maybe not..im still debating..but i know in my heart i do not want to gain this weight back again..not again..so now its good choices and being careful and cautious about everything..i have to watch it ..but what a day! it couldnt get any better today if it tried too..hehe...plus i drank 9 glasses of water today..whoohoo! water is good! pop is bad! hehe

so now its sleepy time..
goodnight and GOD BLESS YOU
KELLI

noticing how much of a emotional eater iam..

2010-06-23T00:39:00.003-05:00

this is the way i feel right now..like nothing is gonna ever happen..

today had been a good day..nothing out of the ordinary..pretty much like everyday..but i went to work this evening and decided since i was just sitting around..that this wasnt getting me anywhere..so i thought okay..i can get up and walk in place ..any movement is better than none..so i did and i actually did a mile and some exercises for my waist and legs and arms..all at the same time..it wasnt a busy day as usual and i needed something to do..i am always caught up with work there so i thought exercise would be the best thing..and it was..

it would have been a average day except for my emotions tonight..iam noticing how emotional i get after something happens that ends up hurting me..i did well though considering i could have eaten a snocone with the works but i didnt..i didnt eat anything while i was at work..in fact while i was at work i had only had 810 calories at that time and still needed to get to 1200 at least..and even now i havent gotten there..im close but not yet..i left work closed it down and was going home and decided i needed yogurt..so here is the ice cream..except its yogurt so its not as bad..but i am thinking here ..everytime something happens to me..whether my heart gets broken or something else i turn to ice cream..i always have ..i knew i had the calories and i needed something to eat..but i should have gotten something more nutritious and not a comfort food like i did..but iam now looking at it and seeing how anytime i hurt, i need comfort and that is the chocolate..it goes all the way back to when i was a kid..i always needed chocolate..i even sucked my thumb til i was 12 because i was bored and thought of my thumb as chocolate..i really did, sounds silly i know but i used to imagine it being a chocolate thumb..hehe

iam trying to use my judgment and eat when i need to and not when i feel bad..i dont want to be an emotional eater..you never know what your eating when your like that..you just eat because something inside you is hurting..but tonight i caught myself after that and came home and walked..i did another mile around my home and it was hot..i did it in 22 minutes..so i was moving pretty fast..so even though i ate the yogurt..i still worked it off..i have done 2 miles tonight and about an hour of exercise today..i drank 6 glasses of water and ate 1180 calories altogether..so really i didnt do badly..its just seeing what brings the onset of junk food on for me..is just starting to sink into my head..i think its important to know what brings these things on and try our best to steer away from it the next time..i know i am always going to have a problem of some sort that will make me wanna eat ..but maybe next time i will be able to see it ahead of time and realize that food doesnt do me any favors in the long run...we have to eat..but we dont have to live to eat..
my uncle always told us in my family how we always lived to eat and he always eat to live..he was 5 foot 8 and 110 pounds and couldnt gain a pound if he tried..and sometimes he tried really hard to gain a pound and we would always gain it with him..he lived with us and he was always cooking omelets, probably where sean got the omelet making from...he was good at it..but he would always get on to me and slap my hand if i tried to get into the fridge when i didnt need too..he would say you dont need that..but uncle jim im hungry..no your not..you need to lose some weight not gain it..he was a good uncle and probably my favorite..but it was my fridge and he wouldnt let me in it..hehe

i know he would be proud of sean and i and susie now ..he is gone and has been since i was 23..but he was a good uncle..i want to get to that place where i just eat to live instead of live to eat..i know i will someday soon..but i have along way to go..i think i did good tonight though..i was upset and instead of eating the house down, i went out and walked..a better solution..i will be better tomorrow and have an even better day..hope you all do too..
goodnight and GOD BLESS YOU
KELLI

we had a very good fathers day and a long day afterward..

2010-06-22T00:14:00.005-05:00

wow alot of pictures i know..but you know me .im the photographer..these were all taken on fathers day and the last two were on my way out to my friends house..he lives in the country and there are cows everywhere..isnt it a pretty sunset..enjoy them..

wow, it is already the official first day of summer, even though it has felt like summer for 2 months now..but this was a good long hot day..hehe can you tell i dont like heat..im not a summer person even though i was born in the middle of summer..my birthday is saturday and so it is coming up fast..42years young..thats the way i am going to be now..young, not old , not an old woman but a young soul..i want to feel young..i want to be here for a long time to come so that maybe if i ever do get married, i will be able to play with little children whether they are mine or my husbands..i want to have a child before i get much older..if its possible..but i know thats a dream and to most people a reality but for me it seems so far away..but if i dont get this done now, i wont be here to play with any kid..so this has to be done, and maybe thats what God is doing..He is getting me ready to be able to be a grandma to some little child..

i am so wore out tonight.i worked all day today and when i first got up it was late..i just had barely enough time to get dressed and get going..i open at 1 and close at 10 so this has been the longest day for me..especially when the people dont get out til the sun goes down..that was 9 tonight..i really didnt feel good either or i would have went out and walked when i got home..i am going to do that tomorrow..i have to keep it up in order to do anything..but now i am home and can go to bed and iam so glad...

we had a good day yesterday, we tried our best to make it that way..sean and his youngest came down and we all went to charlies chicken ..our usual place these days to go for special occassions..they have good food and its not real high calorie..i had the roasted chicken and a salad without dressing..i like it better that way..i did eat the roll and i had half of my mashed potatoes..i gave the other half to my brother..so my dinner came to 490 calories which i thought was really good..we took alot of pictures which we always do when they come down now..but my brothers are the men of the house now..my brother keith and my nephew/brother sean..so we got in some good pictures...my other nephew shane and my dad were the ones missing in our fathers day...i have 2 more nephews and a brother in law but they arent here at those times..we remembered my dad and we have good memories of them both..

it was a day of reflecting on the past and trying hard to move forward to the future..thats all we can do is keep going..sean and his young one went to the lake to do a 5k and we ended up following them over there and i got some shots of them walking..which i thought was pretty cool..then we came home and boy it felt good to be inside..we have had some really hot days and they dont seem to be over with yet..

i went out to my friends house last night and stayed out there til it was too late to do anything but go to bed..so iam doing my blog now because of that..but we had a really good time visiting..we enjoy being friends and encouraging each other along this journey..he has already lost 15 pounds and he looks great..he put me on his treadmill and wow let me tell you my pedometer must be set wrong or something, because i tried to do 3 miles and hour on his treadmill and i almost fell off..it was fast..tooo fast..i can do 2 and a half miles an hour which is really something since it was just a few months ago that i couldnt walk any at all without my cane..so iam proud of that..i know that as long as i keep going, then this will come off..it has too..i think i am going to be checked for that hypothyroidism..i seem to have gone thru everything it says..so i may have it and that may be why iam not losing alot..but either way i am just going to keep trying and keep moving forward..thats all we can do..

we had so much fun doing his treadmill last night, and i am so glad he is getting into losing his weight and counting his carbs..he means alot to me and i dont want to see him die an early death..so we are encouraging each other and that feels nice..i did walk last night for 15 to 20 minutes and then tonight nothing..so i need to get busy tomorrow and walk and do this every day and everyday and everyday..i was for a while but lately i slacked off since its so hot, but i cant do that anymore..i did well on my calories both days..yesterday i ended up with 1300 calories and tonight it was 1470..i had a snocone today since i was there all day and so i counted it ..but i am doing well and tomorrow i will do well again..i took my water pill the last 3 days and thats all i do now is live in the bathroom..so maybe when i step on the scales again i will be lighter..hehe we'll see..that will be friday..

i am going to bed early tonight at least early for me...lol i hope you all have had a good and prosperous day..it has been a good one..
have a good night and seeyou all tomorrow..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI

happy fathers day and im trying to keep it simple..

2010-06-20T01:33:00.002-05:00

happy fathers day dad..we miss you!
enjoy your day everyone!

howdy ya all,

i got up today trying to feel better about everything..i am just trying to figure it out, but i guess i better just keep it simple and walk more and eat some and drink water..that really does seem to be it, but im hoping it is just that simple..i am going to up my walking and make sure i am staying around 1300 calories..i ate 1400 calories tonight..i ended up having a few m and m's..they were good..i enjoyed them and now i dont need them..

i had a good day..i wasnt able to walk and i know that i shouldnt be making excuses..because if i dont put in the exercise, then why should i expect to lose..i have to make the effort myself if i think i am going to lose something in the end..i know iam going to walk tomorrow because i am off work..so i will be able too..i probably do need to invest in an exerciser of some sort..but i like to walk..

my friend has a treadmill and he is using it everyday now and so when i go out there, he is going to put me on his..so i will be doing it tomorrow..hehe i need to just start walking in place like i was doing before...i am just a little impatient about this..i just thought i would be able to see more weight loss than i have but i guess i just have to take the good with the bad..and keep going..

before when i was losing weight..i lost like 15 pounds a month and i was eating high protein and walking everyday and then drinking quite a bit of water..and now its almost the same way and i cant lose more than a few pounds..but i will wait it out..and keep going..i have my whole life to lose this weight, so why should i be in a rush anyway..it didnt take me over night to put it on..not much more than over night ..hehe but it did take a little while longer than that i guess..so it may take a little longer to take it off too..

well its fathers day and im missing my dad today..we always had a good time and i look like both of my parents and so i am just kinda wishing he was here..but i know one day i will see him again..we have 2 more men in our family to celebrate fathers day with..so were moving forward and keeping the past in our hearts..

well i am going to try and make tomorrow a much better day then today..i did drink alot of water today and i dont seem to have a problem in that area..i ended up with the water pill moving thru all day..so maybe i will lose some water weight before my birthday.. that would be nice..i better get to bed..gotta get up early ..
have a happy fathers day everyone..!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI

well i think i am doing it right..

2010-06-19T02:33:00.003-05:00

i have been doing this blog since march 4th and actually i started walking feb.22 and within those few months i thought maybe i would have lost like 30 pounds at least..but i started feb.22 at 329 and by march 4th i was 317..and now if i have lost any lately i may be 305 again..i just dont get it..i am walking and did walk today only 3/4 of a mile tonight but i was so tired and it was 1100 pm so i walked as much as i could..i drank 54 ounces of water today and i finally got to 1100 calories..i have given up my yogurt cone today, so that took 220 calories away..it just had tooo many carbs in it..33 carbs wow..

but i think i am doing it right..my sister and i go to a nutritionist next friday..to see what she says..my sister is diabetic so we need to know what she can eat..i did lose the inches right away but now iam not losing anything and its getting me down..i wanted to lose and of course it shouldnt be like a race..i never do races because i dont do well with races..its the pressure i guess..i know i have my whole life to get this weight off..and it will come off as soon as it needs too but i just wish it would at least drop 8 pounds a month..is that too much to ask for..?

i am having a hard time getting in my walking in the evening..it is so hot here and iam working during the evening, that i dont feel like going out into the humidity until its almost time to close..then its like okay i will just walk at home..our park right now is so dark, and new people have moved in all over that i am not sure i want to walk around the park after dark..i just end up walking in front of my home like i did tonight..it was the best thing i think..i did 3/4 of a mile in 17 minutes so iam staying fast..which is something..my friend cant hardly believe that i can walk that fast since all he has ever seen is me walking slowly..i would just stroll along side of him and now i am walking just as fast as he is..pretty good for just a few months..

my birthday is next week..on the 26th and we are going to go to cici's pizza for the day and then when my sister and her husband get here the next day or so we are going to the stockade the next weekend for my birthday..so i guess i get two birthdays..whoohoo..

i want to be a 100 pounds thinner by my birthday next year..that would be the greatest birthday present ever..i hope i get there..i know i will i just hope its by then..well i did just have 1100 calories tonight..i hope i dont gain weight doing that..but its hard for me to find food to have all the calories i need..when i went to work this evening i had only had 700 calories at that point..so now i have it up to 1100 ..

well i am off to bed now..it is really late and i am bushed..
have a great saturday and GOD BLESS YOU ALL
kelli

iam choosing to be better and hopefully get wiser...

2010-06-16T17:58:00.003-05:00

here iam sweatin up a storm tonight..i actually walked a mile in 21 minutes and did a mile and a half in 30 minutes..when i got back in i was pouring with sweat..this is how i looked..

Iam having a better day emotionally..I woke up late but for me anymore that's normal..
But I woke up feeling better about things..not completely worry free but I'm getting there..
I can't do anything but go out and get a job..and that's what I will do..but if I let myself go..then I will
Be doing more harm to myself..I'm realizing I can be an emotional eater..I guess I always was..ice cream was it for me and last night it was what I craved..although I had already overate because of the way I felt..

But I noticed today I have focused more.. and feel better about it..so many people have told me how I inspire them and that is something that humbles me everyday..I know who gives me the strength to keep going..God has always been my true inspiration and gives me strength to get through whatever comes my way..iam proud to be an inspiration to others and I hope I never disappoint you all..

I know I can kick this emotional eating and really understand where my problem really lies..
I just have to do it..my main problem has always been not enough money..I'm a poor girl from oklahoma who seems to still be poor..I'm rich in friends and family and poor money wise..but I guess who isn't these days..we get what we need and maybe that's enough..I'm sitting here looking at the nice sunny day we have now ..and I realize its a gift from God Himself..it has rained again today but now the clouds are gone and the sun is out..

I do feel good..I have been drinking a lot of water and by tonight I will get all my water in..
My friend just texted me to see how I was doing..he is such a sweet man..we are going to do this together and iam so glad of that...I will walk this evening..that is something I haven't been good about this week..and I have to keep it up..if I don't I won't lose..its all 3 things..walking water and watching calories..all 3 doing it together..
Well I hope you all have a nice evening and I'm going to try my best too..
Make it popfree this evening..
God Bless You All..
Kelli

well i came close to letting worry get the best of me..

2010-06-16T01:23:00.002-05:00

i got up this morning and it was okay..just another day only it was nice and sunny out so i knew i was going to work..but i got a phone call from one of the student loan places that is getting ready to become due next month since i havent been in class this last semester..well i preceded to tell them that i was going to be back in class soon and i would then need a inschool deferrment..okay when that happens but this is a private loan in which my brother is a cosigner and with private loans you dont have all the options that you have with all the federal loans..so they said i would need to start paying them back come dec and next april..WOW! a shocker..i didnt know i had to pay it while i was in school..

well this started my day going down hill..my payment was 463.00 i couldnt believe it..with all the other things i pay and then this too..i have to get a full time job even while iam in school..there is no other way to do this..i started worrying and havent stopped worrying yet..i worried so much today, that i gave myself a migraine..i was hurting so bad i ate 2 kiddie size snocones and 220 calories in candy..then i went after work and had a ice cream cone..i was struggling and thought i was going to lose it..i didnt drink any reg.pop and did drink some water today..not a lot but some..i was thinking all day long and my friends on fb were trying to help me and my friend i always go see was being very comforting to me..he was trying to help me so much..he hated to see me the way i was i could just see it in his eyes..i overate and now i have to get back on track..i have 3 more semesters before i graduate with a bachelors degree and then i hope i can find a good paying job to be able to pay these loans..i never got them with any intentions of not paying them back..but it is a real shock when you have to start earlier than you think..so now i am going to have to stay focused on this or i will not get this weight off and then i may end up in a wheelchair and i am not going to do that..i cant go back..i have to move forward and i have to depend on God for the help i need...He will provide for me as long as i ask for it..

well i will start again tomorrow and just try and focus again and hope i can find a job soon..so pray for me that i will..
and God BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI