well today i became stronger..

well i struggled and struggled today but i became stronger by the struggling i went through...i know that i dont have to have a candy bar..i dont have to be bored out of my mind and eat because its there..i found strength through my friends..relying on them to help me through the bad cravings..and even though i wasnt around them they were still helping me, because i knew that i had to be honest..so if i ate a candy bar i had to let them know it..and that would defeat the purpose for me ..i am trying so hard to become stronger with my cravings and getting past them..

my friend glen told me to go walk..so i did..at least i tried too..i was at work and had been there all day..i wasnt supposed to be there past 6 but one of the girls didnt show up and so i had to do it..not my idea of a fun friday night but it is what it is..

i hadnt gotten anything to eat so i was hungry ..its not a good thing to be hungry and be around candy..so i was being tempted..but i ended up overcoming it...i was so happy that i did...i really struggled with it today..and i know tomorrow may be the same way..but it will be another day to be a little stronger..i tried to go out and walk tonight at work..i went out and started to walk then i got a customer then i went again and i got a customer..i tried the last time and finally got to walk for 10 minutes before i got another customer..it was something...at least i got through the cravings and that was the important thing..

i ate 1300 calories right on the nose today but i didnt have any water..i didnt drink any reg.pop so that was good..im getting back on the right track..its just taking me a few days..

lets enjoy the weekend and pray for safety for tomorrow..
kelli

what am i doing to myself..?

its raining cats and dogs here today too..!

i just dont get it..i dont know why i get up wanting to do well and starting out good..and then by the end of the day i have done something to lose control of my focus..i dont know why..am i not wanting to get this off ? am i subconsciously not wanting to lose weight..? i sure hope not..cause i know on the outside i want too..consciously i need too, and i want too...i have so much support from my friends and my family..why do i keep doing this to myself..

i got up today and wanted to do good..i didnt have any sleep last night..i slept from 130 to 330 am and never again after that..i have jumpy legs and they hurt like everything especially at night and with this weather we are having it just keeps hurting..i wanted to walk this morning but it was raining and it hadnt stopped yet..were supposed to be getting 4 to 5 inches before the night is through...

but i got up and ate an atkins bar in fact i had two of them today..not a good start...but then we went to taco mayo and my sister and i ate the platter ..i know we didnt have an over abundance of calories in this but i did something i wish i hadnt done now..i got reg. pop in fact i got dr.pepper..not good..really not good.

look at all the empty calories i just had..thats why i say why do i keep doing this to myself..why am i making it so hard for myself to lose weight..? why cant i get my focus back..i want to lose this weight but it looks like i dont..and sometimes i wonder if i do..am i so scared that nothing is going to change when i lose the weight that i wont do it..am i scared of how big a change it will be..? am i just so hurt that people wont go out with me this way but boy wait til i lose weight and they will line up at the door..i dont think so but it could happen..hehe

is this the reason i am making it worse for myself...? i really dont know..i get up with good intentions and go to bed without my focus..something has got to change..

be safe..
kelli

well its day to day..

me in my cool hat..hehe

well today has been a day where i just had to take it one step at a time..i guess we have to do it that way every day..but i got up and weighed early this morning and i wasnt too surprised..but i wasnt liking it either..it wasnt what i wanted to see..i had gained 3 pounds back and i wasnt liking this..

i decided i had to get my focus back..i had to do something..i cant keep this up or i will be gaining all my weight back..i dont want that..so i decided if i couldnt walk tonight because it was supposed to rain but it didnt..so i said to myself..i have to workout..i have to walk or workout..one or the other..i had to get moving..i had too..i dont want to die early..i dont want to feel so overly fat that i cant move..or feel so awful that i end up with shortness of breath and not being able to walk..i dont want too...i really dont..

so i started out good..i started out focused and counting every calorie that i put in my mouth..i didnt drink my water though..for some reason i cant get started drinking it again..but i counted and did pretty good..i had around 1350 in calories..i was so happy..i did better than the last few days..

but i went to work today and had my grilled chicken go wraps..and then tonight the snickers bars kept calling my name..boy i wish my uncle hadnt put those candy bars over at my stand..they call my name every day..but i looked the other way and ate a piece of beef jerky instead..it was good..i decided i needed to go walk..so i went out and walked around the stand..a little boy kept watching me walk and looking at me like i was crazy..i was walking around in circles..but i didnt care..i felt good walking tonight..i did 20 minutes without stopping..whoohoo..it was fun..

so today i did better and i will continue to do better day by day..i have to take it one day at a time..thats all i have..so onto tomorrow and another better day..
lets all focus on the good stuff..
kelli

the weekend is over..

this is my cousin brittany and she makes all this jewelry..she is really good..

labor day is over now..were into september and hopefully cooler weather..i really cant wait..i love the fall and all the fall colors ..i enjoy walking in the fall..it is so much nicer outside..i have chosen to just not watch anything today..for some reason..i really dont know why but i did..

im not sure what is going on that i am not watching things clearly right now..but i am thinking about it and trying to figure it out for myself..i have been on my sisters computer all day trying to fix it and get it from freezing all the time..i didnt go walk tonight..i just dont know why..i want to do this but for some reason this weekend i just havent put my effort into it..

on saturday i went to see my cousins jewelry and she is making some new kind of jewelry which is really cool..its called the calorie counting bracelet and you wear it on your wrist and it has a charm that you can pick out..and you move it for every 50 to 100 calories ..you move it up from the heart in the middle..i have one and it does really help you focus on your calories..i was using it the other day and just kept moving it up..lol..i didnt like that but i was eating that much..
this is the link to it if you would like to look at it and maybe order some..they are very pretty and they would make really nice gifts for girls and women..www.CountOnMeJewelry.com, and www.BrittanysStore.com
both very nice websites..you know Christmas is coming up.. she is a very talented young lady even if she is my cousin..hehe
but go check her out..

i will do better this week..i know i cant keep thinking everything is going to be okay tomorrow unless i do something tomorrow which is today..and for some reason i just didnt have it in me to do it today..i hope i will feel better when i awake..

well i made my choice today..

me and my mamma at cici's...and my cousins with their mamma..
brittany makes the jewelry..its very pretty..i will tell you all about it soon..

today was a day where we went and had different choices to make considering food..we started the day getting up late ..but its saturday so i guess its okay..well this is the day we were going to have hot dogs and popcorn and cotton candy at work..we had regular pop and all we were trying to do was get the snocone stand started like a re-grand opening...anyway i didnt have to work this whole weekend which isnt what i wanted but it was nice anyway..well we went to see the whole thing at the stand and get a hot dog..i wasnt going to get the pop..i think as a pop addict..i really need to keep myself completely away from pop..its too addictive and i cant afford the calories..

well i had 2 cans of pop..not something i needed to do but i did it anyway..i ended up with a hot dog..no cotton candy though..so that was good..but we then went to cici's pizza so we had pizza and brownies and i had salad..and i had regular pop..i had so many calories tonight i didnt even want to count them..it was my choice..i didnt have to eat the food..i didnt have to drink the pop..i didnt have to eat the hot dog..

i ate so much today i made myself sick..not good..really not good..but i am not going to do this tomorrow..i am not going to drink the pop tomorrow..i will not eat like a pig tomorrow..i really did too..i didnt eat tons..but i felt like it..

anyway i am going to walk tomorrow and drink my water tomorrow..i will do so much better tomorrow..i will not fall off tomorrow..and i didnt fall off tonight..i made the choice to do it..i knew what i was doing..i made my choice..thats it and now i am living with it..

i was going to walk tonight but it just got too late and too dark when we came home..so i will make myself walk tomorrow..

have a great day tomorrow and make good choices..i am going too..
enjoy the weekend..
kelli

well its been 6 months and im doing pretty good..

the beautiful lake i want to walk soon..

well i was just thinking as i was walking my mile and half tonight...i have actually been blogging for 6 months..in 6 months i have done pretty good..i have went from weighing 330 to weighing 296..and i have went from not being able to walk except by a cane and barely able to walk around the block to walking 2 and a half miles at a time..i have gone completely off the pop ..and thats a major thing for me...wow i tell ya getting off of dr.pepper is so much a victory..

i have gone from not drinking any water to drinking 72 ounces of water..everyday..at least most days..hehe..but i am doing so much better..this is such a big thing for me..i still havent kicked the fast food..but im working on it..i have learned and realized that its up to me to make good choices..its my choice everyday ..i can make good choices or bad choices..i can be healthy or i can die early..i have learned so much in 6 months..i have figured it out that i am responsible for me..for my actions and my decisions in life whether its about the things i eat and the exercise i get or if its about what i do in life..its up to me..good or bad..i go thru it ...

i have so much more to lose and so much more to learn..i just keep going until i cant go anymore..this is a lifestyle change..not a diet..its a mentality thing..its all in how much we want to change..if we want it bad enough..we will do our best to change..its all about our choices..

i think the most important thing i have learned is its about my choice..i make the choice to change my life ..i make the choice to do better..if i dont well then thats my choice too..but now i am going towards the next 6 months and i know i will be learning a whole lot more..right now i am going for my goal of 290 by the end of this month..i know i will get there..because its my choice to do better..and i am ..

this has been a fun day..we had our 4th of july fireworks tonight and they were pretty..we enjoyed them...i got in 1300 calories and i walked after the fireworks and did a mile and a half in 30 minutes..so i am pretty much on track for doing 3 miles an hour..i want to walk boomer lake so bad..but i want to be able to walk the whole 3 miles so i have to get better...

i still made the bad choice of not drinking my water..now i didnt drink very much diet pop but i did drink some...i had a bite of a snocone today and it started my eyes and head again..just a bite..i couldnt believe it...i am going to the doctor as soon as i can and be checked for diabetes..

well its getting late so i am getting off..have a good night and good weekend..
enjoy the weekend and be safe..
kelli

i had a good day of good choices..

you can sure see the difference 60 pounds makes..in my appearance and my mood..my smile..

well today i went to work this afternoon..after i had been up several hours already..but i had not eaten very much today and so when i went to work i did buy 2 tacos from taco bueno and thought okay this will allow me to not look at the candy..

okay so i didnt crave the candy..i really didnt want to feel like i did last night..i wanted to feel good ..not like i was going blind..well tonight i did have a single dip of sherbert..web md said that diabetics can have sherbert..but i dont know..i ate it and now i feel like i did last night..my eyes are going dim..and they hurt..

i wasnt able to walk tonight just simply because of the rain and the fact i wasnt here most of the day..so tomorrow i will walk and make sure i get all my water in..i have had a good day..i was so pleased to find myself not craving the sugar..being as strong as i was about it all and not getting into it..maybe i can whip this craving for sugar and chocolate soon..

i feel so small even though i know i have along way to go..but i am really feeling it now..i am under 300 and going down even more..my clothes are getting big on me and it feels so good to be in big clothes now..cause when i bought them they were just right..hehe..but i know i will get to my goal of 130..it will take me some time..but everything worth it does...

i am starting to see changes in my face and thats a neat thing..i cant wait to see what i will look like around christmas...that will be nice..

my choices today were better..i ate 1320 calories
i didnt walk but will tomorrow..
i didnt drink all my water but i will tomorrow..
i didnt eat any candy bars..yay for me..

my mood is good and positive..yea for me
i think the positive moods really help with how we make the choices in our life..no matter what choice we are making..if its something positive then its going to be a good choice..

so lets make tomorrow a good day for us all..
make good choices and stay positive..
kelli