Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I feel like i have hit bottom


this is my nephew sean and his cover for his book that is coming out soon..go buy it this will help you so much..i hope it helps me..he lost 275 pounds in 26 months if you didnt already know that..the name of his book is Transformation Road the journey back from 505 pounds..
I know i havent been good about keeping up with this blog, in fact i really thought i was just going to let it go.i am so busy these days going to school and work and taking care of mom and trying to get my photography off the ground, that i have no time for myself. i know thats a really long sentence and probably not structured well but tonight i dont care, i am just writing.

i just feel like i have hit the bottom and no where to go. my nephew sean is coming out with his book which is exciting and i am very happy that he was able to get his weight off and i know i can do this..but i just dont feel like i can..does that even make sense?

i have gained back all the weight i had previously lost plus the weight i had already lost before that..so now i am actually close to the highest weight i have been..my weight is now 341..i lost a few pounds being really sick..i wouldnt advise it..lol

i am just so tired of being tired and sick and not being able to fit into chairs because people at the schools and at jobs dont realize that maybe we have bigger people than just what fits those little chairs..i have had to deal with this for 8 years now and i am really tired of it..

i just want to feel good again..i dont want to die early..i am only 43 and even though i dont have my own family i do still have my brother and sisters and my mom is still here..there should be so many reasons to want to live and get this weight off, why cant i feel like its the most important thing and just do it..

i had a really bad day today, and even though it was really bad i do remember not thinking about the food..that wasnt on my mind, now pop is another story..i think i am more of a pop drinker than a food addict to be truthful i can drink pop like its water..i have been trying to drink my water more the last few days..maybe by doing this i will get myself back into control..i sure hope so..i have to do something..
cause as sean says choose change before change chooses you, and it will be choosing me and it wont be good unless i do something now..

4 comments:

  1. Kelli, can I be brutally honest? This is a serious question and I won't go on if you don't want to hear it.

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  2. Thanks for putting this on FB Kel. Your not the only one that struggles with this as you see Sean has and well I think so many in our family has as well. Believe it or not we are the same in size and just a yr differant in age. So many yrs ago I could see us at grannys and if I could only know what I know now and turn back time. PLEASE tell Sean I am so proud of him and Kel you can do it and so can I!!!!
    Suzie

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  3. You've stated things well enough that I don't have anything to add...you know what needs to be done and you know how to do it...you'll just need to decide, when.

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  4. I haven't read through your whole blog so please forgive me if this is an ignorant statement...

    I know it's hard to let things go when you really like them and value them, but I think you should consider dropping some of the to-do's from your life so you can focus on taking care of yourself. I'm not talking about your mom, of course (although if there's any way to get more help in that area, I hope you do). I'm talking about school, photography, any other hobbies and non-essential activities.

    If this is truly a life-and-death issue with you, please re-arrange your LIFE accordingly. You won't be around to do photography or complete school or fulfill any other dreams if this problem does actually kill you. Maybe have some heart-to-hearts with your nephew? Sounds like he knows a thing or two about fighting to preserve his life and then re-building it from a place of greater health and strength.

    Wishing you well, always.

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