Sunday, May 30, 2010

well im finally back to blogging..its been a weekend..

this is me tonight in my size 20 blouse..not something i will be wearing out just yet but it fits..and my dad who was in the navy in WWII..

i have had a weekend..a very busy and not sure i like it all the time i woke up friday like any other friday, and knew i was going to work at 2 but thought i was getting off at 630..well i went to work and had only had a protein bar for breakfast that morning so i had a lot of calories coming and i was hungry..i had been drinking the water really well, and that was good..i was getting used to the water..but now about 4 pm my friend who was relieving me texted me and said she couldnt come in because she was stuck at her other job and didnt know when she would be i was stuck..i had to work til 10 that i told my brother and he had to go ahead and do the errands for the evening..but i was hungry..

so i told him okay i will go to burger king and get a grilled chicken sandwich they have good sandwiches and i have the calorie count for them..burger king is right next fact i am right in the middle of what we call resturant we have all kinds of resturants all over the place..its a wonder iam still going strong with

so i was there til 10..i went to burger king and got the meal so i had fries too but i counted all the calories and i ended up drinking 78 ounces of water that i was really floating..well i went home and thought i would do the blog then but i needed to go to walmart and get some underclothes..we all have to wear them..hehe
so my sister went with me and we didnt get back for an was a little late to walk and our movie night had just started and so i settled in to watch gregory peck for the next 2 was 1:30 am in the morning and i headed to bed..

so for friday i had 1300 calories and 78 ounces of water and i didnt walk but i was we are in to saturday and iam not going to work til 5 pm this day and so i have a new bra and it felt so so i get up and we do our normal thing for the day and we end up going to charlies chicken and get the chicken fried steak dinner before i go to work..and i had it without gravy and the mashed potatoes without gravy and only half of them ..and salad with no dressing..i love lettuce..i can eat it without the dressing and save 100 i had 365 calories in this was something..and i drank water..i cant believe how well i am doing with the is really neat..i love the is hard to drink at times..sometimes i am just not thirsty but i get it down me by the end of the yesterday i ended up with 52 ounces of water and had 1285 in calories all day..i even walked a half a mile at was just too late when i got home to do any walking..i had to go back to walmart that made it almost 11 before i got i got home and started not feeling well..and ended up going to bed by midnight..
so i did pretty good for the 2 days and now iam at today..and today has been a migraine day..i got up this morning thinking i was going to church again..and my head thought different..i ended up with a bad migraine so bad i couldnt handle the my family went to church and i went back to sleep..i got up and tried to get around sometime this afternoon..i know it was we went to wendys and i had 2 grilled chicken go wraps..they were 500 calories and i had already 385 this morning i ended up with 1200 calories today and iam working on the water..i wasnt drinking it really well again today but its getting down me..i had 5 glasses already and will probably have another before i go to bed..i tried on a blouse last night that was so exciting..i didnt think it would fit and really i cant remember when i was a 20 before..but this blouse is a size 20 and it fit...!
it doesnt look like a blouse i would wear right now..because it does show my rolls but it fits which is just too much..iam so excited..i didnt walk today and i am going to get back to it head has hurt so bad all day i wasnt too sure it would be a good idea..but this is my weekend..some good and some bad but its all been an experience...
have a happy and safe memorial day..!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

im a floatin...hehe

we took my momma to get her a perm yesterday..isnt she pretty..and she is 83 years young...she acts young for her age..i think its because she had me at 41 and so i kept her young..hehe at least thats what i

well, the last two days have been like night and day for me..i was doing well yesterday til last night when i ended up in a slight disagreement with my friend on my phone while i was i didnt feel good the rest of the evening, and ended up going to sleep and missing out on my walk last night..i should have walked and blogged, but the way i was feeling i just wanted to sleep..i did well though on my calories and my water for the last 3 days i have been drinking real water, no flavors or anything..just real water..and i have been doing well..i drank all water for the last 3 days..and what i do is drink it all yesterday which was wednesday, i drank 52 ounces of water, and for today i ended up with 78 ounces ..i just kept drinking today and i felt like i was going to float down the

it feels good to be in control though..something i didnt think i had in me to be in control of how much i eat and drink and what i eat and drink..i just always thought well i am a pop addict and if i drink any pop at all i will just keep you dont have to keep drinking..i have found that out...we have dr.pepper in our house, and it doesn't bother me a bit to see it..i know its there and if i want a few ounces then i pour a few ounces in a small glass and count the calories..but the thing is, i never want it..i dont miss it..iam so glad of that..i never thought i would get away from wanting dr.pepper..i never thought i would give up m and m 's..but i dont need them..i dont crave it..i saw it the other day and i bought it and thought i wanted it ..took two bites and got sick..the sweetness is something i dont crave anymore..

i like the water, and now when i go to eat somewhere, i just get water..i love ice water..i went and weighed yesterday..on wednesday to see if the water was working and also to see if the scales i weigh on is the same as the doctors..i had just went to the they were..they weighed me the same..i went down 3 pounds since monday so i was least i know iam not on a plateu anymore..i just need to drink the water...

i was so much better today..i was busy all day and worked all evening..and i walked tonight ..did a mile after i got home from work..and ate 1300 calories today and of course the water all i am hopefully going to reach my goal of weighing 299 by my birthday..11 pounds to go in one month..i hope to get there..

sean came today and surprised his mom and grandma real big this afternoon..that was a nice surprise.we dont see him alot anymore so its nice when we do..iam trying to figure out what kind of cake i should get for my birthday.iam not sure..i always like chocolate cake but i am thinking pepperidge farm cakes..iam a big chocolate fan but i dont think i have to have it..since i am leaving the m and m's alone iam finding i can control my own cravings..and that is a nice feeling..

well i think i am getting the hang of this now..i have been blogging now for almost 3 months and have been walking for over 3 months..i wish i had a big poundage loss to show for it, but it will come off when its ready too..i just have to keep doing what iam doing and enjoy it everyday..sometimes its a hard thing to do, but thats life..its not supposed to be i guess i had better go to bed..its gettin late..
goodnight all

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

a better day mentally!

here iam drinking my water all day..ya want some? well water yum!

well i can honestly say this has been a good day mentally for me..i got up kinda late..i woke up early but i fell back to sleep and then when i woke up again it was noon..yes noon..i go to work at 2pm and i didnt have anything to do today so my brother took the noon it was..well i woke up and drank some water..i have this 20 ounce bottle and i fill it with water everytime i want some i drank some then..of course i still hadnt finished it by the time i went to work..but i took it with me..i ate some grilled chicken at noon, and early this morning like 7am i ate a protein there were 310 calories but then i had to go to work and work for 5 hours with nothing to eat..i took my mom and sister to wendys to sit there til my brother got off of work and then he walked to my job to get my car..right now we are down to one car so we have to share it for the time being..

he got a good walk in was 90 degrees and he walked a mile to my job..he is trying to watch his weight too..he lost 100 pounds one time a long time ago and kept it off for a long he is getting older and putting some back we dont want that to happen..

when i was at work..i decided no diet pop and nothing that may have sodium or carbonation in i had water..just plain ordinary water..all day..i drank 52 ounces of water all day and it didnt even phase me..i liked was good..i normally dont like water but today i said in my own mind something was going to change..and i think it did..and you know those chocolate candy's i had bought yesterday and given them to my friend to eat..well she ate some i think, but she left them there on the counter plain sight for me to see..i looked at em all day and it didnt bother me a i know something mentality is stronger, and i am so ready to be fit and healthy..i dont have to be stick thin..just fit and healthy..i know iam getting there already..

i did have the yogurt cone tonight just 220 calories and had a grilled chicken go wrap from wendys just one and a piece of grilled chicken we had bought at my dinner was 600 calories including the altogether i had 910 calories and i know that isnt a lot but i am trying to see if i can lose something without going to 12 or 1300..

i watched the biggest loser finale and that is the best show..i am so in awe of these people, and i feel so much for them because i am them..i feel it too when michael had his breakdown and seeing ashley fall off the treadmill..that just killed me..i was so happy to see michael win tonight.he is so sincere..i am going to be the biggest loser for stillwater, oklahoma..i just know it..

i got my walk in tonight and i beat my time by 5 minutes..i was so happy..i made a mile and a half in 40 minutes tonight..i walked even in the dark..around here its so quiet and everyone knows what we are doing..they dont bother us unless its to say how proud of us they are..we have others walking now around here..its kind of a walking club

i am so humbled by my friends who say they are inspired by me..i try to be a good example of someone who is just struggling through to get to the other side..the thin side..the healthy side..the side i havent seen before and i hope i will keep seeing for years to come..i dont think i want to go back to the heavy i like the person i was, and the person iam..iam not conceited in any way but iam excited and i think that sometimes it comes out as conceit to people..i like myself and now iam learning to love myself..i think this is one of the true facts we have to learn in life is to love ourselves..if we dont how do we expect others to love us..something simple but its hard to do sometimes..

well i guess i better get some sleep tonight..i have to get up early again..have a good night..

Monday, May 24, 2010

i almost lost it..whew !

hope for a better tomorrow..a brighter future ahead of us..!

well this has been a sure my fb friends thinks so too..they have been my support through this whole day and iam so thankful for them..well this day started at 730 this morning and is just now ending and it is 1230 am the next so iam tired.

but today i took my brother to work, then i came home and got my sister and took her to get her hair done, then mom and i went to let me weigh..i wanted to see what i was going to be starting at for this challenge of getting down below 300 by my birthday!

okay i went into this place thinking i would be 305 i came out seeing 313 on the scales..that scale was not telling me the truth..even though i know its a digital scale and they dont lie..but something is wrong here..i have weighed twice now in two weeks and both times i have gone up on the weight..this isnt cant be..i walk every night, i keep calories below 1400 and i am drinking my water..something is the scales i have gained 8 pounds in 2 weeks..i couldnt have..

this made me upset..depressed and i turned to my friends on fb..these are people i went to school with and they know me really well..i know i am probably building muscle..i must be i felt it tonight..but i got things done and then i went to work..before i got there..i got a drink but i saw the m and m's ..oh my i lost it..i bought them..i hadnt bought any in a long time..i saw it and i bought confidence was down..i wanted was my friend..i thought but it wasnt..for a few minutes i let myself believe it was okay to get a big package and eat it..i almost got the big package of hot tamoles..600 calories worth..

but i got it and i went to work..okay i opened it and then i told my friends..i said help me..i have chocolate..they said throw it away..! dont eat it..everyone kept telling me and so i took 2 bites and got sick..i actually got sick..can you believe that..m and m's my favorite candy and i didnt like it thankful that i didnt..i put the rest back in the package and i gave it to my friend who was coming in later..she is she liked it..the snocones dont even bother me, and now the candy dont either..iam so glad..

we sat at wendys tonight cause i had to work til 630 and past so we didnt get out til we all are tired in my family..everyone is in bed now but we came back home and it was 10 pm already..normally we have our walk done before this..i layed down on the bed and stretched out and almost didnt walk..but i said to myself you have need to do have to move even though i had a busy day and was completely exhausted already..but i went out and walked the ramp..i ended up doing a mile in 30 minutes.i cant get off the 30 minutes yet..i guess because i was tired i just couldnt move..but now i am getting the rest of the water in...i have had 5 glasses of water and have done a mile and had 1365 in calories including the two bites of the not to shabby of a day to end glad it ended like this instead of iam going to bed..have a good night all

Sunday, May 23, 2010

fibromyalgia is no fun!

this is brooks and dunn tonight and my shots 2 years ago and now..

well i thought i was getting up to go to church this morning..i hate to miss and try not too, but today just couldnt be helped..i got up and couldnt move very well..i was in so much pain that i just couldnt do it..i have fibromyalgia and arthritis ..oh so fun..i usually can take some pain pills and be okay..but today i couldnt do it..i hurt all day long..and the pain just never would let surprised im able to do this tonight..i have had these two illnesses for along time and usually can get through it without hurting so much that i whine about it..but today was a whiny day for me on this.

i had the day off today and was glad i did..i like to have sundays off ..but i hurt all day..what a fun day well it wasnt bad ..we went to wendys of course and the were so busy..i saw a guy there that used to work there, and he noticed right off how i was losing weight..that was nice..i said thanks and yes i am...people are actually noticing and that feels friend last week noticed how i was getting smaller too and that was a real nice thing..

we came home and watched the last concert special of brooks and dunn..i loved brooks and dunn..they have been my favorite country duo until sugarland came about, now they are..but my sister and i got to go to see them in concert one time a few years ago and that was cool..we went and met my cousin deb and her mom aunt violet..and that was fun seeing them with both of them..of course i went crazy with my camera but didnt have as good a camera as i do now..

so after the show was over it was 9pm and was dark..but i didnt let that stop me ..i went and walked anyway..i thought i could do a 2 mile walk in 35 minutes again..but no luck..i dont know what happened i couldnt do anything but a mile in 30 minutes..i couldnt believe it..i was walking just as fast and was certainly getting up a sweat..but didnt make it..maybe it was a fluke the other night..i dont know..

but i did do the mile and i stayed at 1350 in calories..just ate some empty calories just now to get to 1350..ate a couple of cookies..50 calories a piece..i usually dont but i thought okay i need something..i have to go back to work tomorrow and get up early in the a few things to do in the iam making it out of bed really early...i am going to weigh in the morning to see what i do weigh and whatever it is iam going by it..i want to lose down to 295 by my may be too much to hope for but i have one month and 3 birthday is june 26th and i will be 42 years old..and i would like to be under 300 by you all have to help me get there..keep telling me i have to do this ..just keep getting me if i try to slide off..i have to walk more and drink water everyday..i thought about it today but didnt do it..and its one of the key factors..i know it i have to do it..

hope you all have a wonderful monday...!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

well i got thru the day..

well the day started out was a saturday, and was going to be a good day...i went to work at 4 this evening and we had only done a half page then...well we had only been open two hours, so i thought okay we will get busier..surely we will..nope i was wrong..we got slower..i sat there and sat there and nobody came..our other stand was going strong..but we werent..and we just cant figure this out..

so i got bored..deathly i thought about a snocone..but then NO..i said..not a snocone..iam not ruining this day for a then i looked at my pedometer and it said i had only walked like 200 steps today..i couldnt just sit there and not i went outside and i walked..but for some reason i couldnt get the powerwalking like i was last night..i did a mile but it took 25 minutes to do it..last night it took 35 minutes to do 2 miles..i just didnt understand that..i was walking fast and i got my heart rate up..i was even sweating when i got done..but i did it i went back in and looked at my watch and i still had 2 hours to what a just took forever to get to 9pm still not rested..i will probably have to take some pain medicine to relieve my pain all pretty exhausted tonight..but i did drink 6 glasses of real water..not flavored water but real honest to goodness water..and i liked tonight i had 1300 calories and 6 glasses of water and walked a mile..not to bad for a saturday ..

i took a full figure picture tonight to see if i do look thinner in these other pants, and i do..its pretty cool i actually look smaller..some of my friends who saw me walking tonight at the stand was telling me on fb how nice i really look, so i needed to see it sure feels good to be noticing a difference and others notice it too..hope you all have a wonderful sunday..

i powerwalked 2 miles in 35 minutes..whoohoo!

we usually watch a john wayne movie on fridays, but tonight it was gregory peck..he was good too..

wow iam so excited tonight..well to start the day it was just like any other day..i get up and go to work by 2pm and off by 6 and doing family things after that..well tonight we wanted a change in the we went to cici's pizza..yea its a buffet of pizza..and i ate too much and actually my sister did too..we ate til we were sick..not good..i had the calories but really thats a bad choice..its a change though, not one we will do again for a come i can control myself at the stockade, but not at cici's..?

anyway i kept telling my sister we were walking..we was walking this pizza off..even if we walked for an hour..we were going to do she knew we were coming home to walk..neither of us felt like it but as soon as i hit the door..i grabbed my ipod and out the door i went..i told her she could follow up when she she was pretty much behind me..but i was walking..i couldnt believe how fast i was pushing myself tonight..i was really walking, and i wasnt running it was walking..i guess it was powerwalking..cause i felt the i looked at my pedometer and it said i had done a mile in 15 minutes..whoohoo 15 minutes thats a record for me..! so i kept walking and i did 2 miles in 35 minutes..i was going..and really i could have gone longer but my uncle was here now and we were getting ready to watch a thats what we all did tonight..this was western night..every friday night we pick out a western we had taped some time during the week and watch it in honor of my dad..he loved the westerns...tonight was the gunfighter with gregory what a good movie..i could watch that movie over and over..can you tell i take after my

well after we got done and got everyone ready to go to bed..i came in my room ready to sit down and do my blog for today..which is what iam doing now..and i decided to try on a pair of new pants i bought today..this is a pair of 22/24 pants and i wasnt sure i would fit yet...but wow i put them on and they are not even tight..they fit great and soon i will be in an 18/20 because these are really actually loose..which is so nice..i hadnt been this size in sure feels nice to get there..

well i guess i have described my day..sometimes its not as exciting as i would like it to be..but then i really dont want too many of the days we had the other day either..that was tooooo
you all have a wonderful weekend..i will blog more tomorrow..

Friday, May 21, 2010

well not the day it was yesterday..

this was the nicest day yet for this wasnt too hot and not a bit cold..and no rain ..whoohoo no tornadoes..that was nice..we finally got to open up the stand and work the whole shift..i even made a few tips fun was that..we had a good day today and i felt good as well..i really had a good day..i went to work and got some least for this stand..and then i came home and got my family and did the things we do all the time..we went to charlies chicken tonight instead of going to was meatloaf night..and so we had the meatloaf..but we counted every calorie..

i had 1400 calories tonight and walked a mile..that was hard to do tonight for some reason..i dont know why but it was..i think i was already tired from walking around at the stand..anyway it was late and so we just did a mile..i need to step it up more though...cause i cant seem to get this weight just isnt coming off for some reason..and i dont know why..i still weigh the same ..i know i havent been good about drinking the water and i do need to be doing that..

i went and visited with my friend tonight, and he gave me a different kind of is a diet pop made with stevia..its called zevia..and it has zero calories and zero carbs..and no sodium..its great and it tastes great too..i took a picture of the can so you can recognize it if you find it in the store..around here there is only two places you get it we are hoping more people want to buy it so it will go into the stores..he got it at a drug is a little higher than your normal can of pop is 1.20 a can or 6.00 for a 6 is a picture of comes in a lot of flavors..

we talked a while and he is trying to get into better health too..and iam so glad he is..i want to see him live a long time and he is diabetic, so he has to take better care for himself to do that..we seem to be getting along so much better than before and it feels nice..but it has been a is a picture i took of the clouds this much prettier than yesterday..have a good night everyone ..its friday!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

torando coming thru time for feeling blah today!

well this was not the same kind of day as yesterday..WOW! we knew it would be severe, but we never thought we would have the tornado in our town..we are usually pretty lucky and they pass us or go around us for some reason..this time they were coming straight down the highway for us..right down hyway 51..well we dont live very far from there and this was a huge tornado..and it was going 140 miles an hour..can you believe that..well when we heard that it was coming for us, we were waiting on my brother to get done was 5pm and he was coming but so was the big bad tornado..

i try not to be too scared of these doesnt do anyone any good to go chaotic about them..but we do need to be weather aware all the we had the weather on at wendys and then they were on the radio and ya know the weathermen freak out too..and that doesnt do anyone any good..we have good stormchasers and good forcasters but it sure is scary when they keep telling ya to get to cover..they kept saying the name of our town over and over ..kept saying it was coming straight through and it was mean...

well now we only had about an hour to get somewhere before the whistles blow..and we have to get our mom down the stairs...not an easy task..once we got ready to leave the house..i kept calling people to get them to shelter and others kept calling us to get us to shelter, then everyone had to go to the bathroom, and i tried to tell the cats to get under the after all that we had maybe 20 minutes to get somewhere..when we got to the student union parking garage everyone was thinking the same it was a mile long wait to get in, but by the time we made it to get in, it was completely we had to think sean is calling us and telling us to get somewhere fast and i am texting everyone i know..and so we head to the clubhouse where we live..well this is the shelter for us but we cant get mom down the we normally dont use it..

this time we had too..we got there and the other half of town was there..full boy but we made it in..we saw all our the whistles are blowing and mom is not going down the stairs..okay i will stay with her..but we finally coaxed her down and everyone helped get her down..iam so grateful for the ones who helped was not something i wanted to do either but we had we got down and i got to sit next to santa claus..isnt that cool..yep he was down there half the people stayed upstairs and let us all know what was going on..and my brother went out and took pictures of the horrible thing...

our cousins and aunt made it over to us too..and we couldnt get our aunt downstairs because she cant walk very well at i went back up with my brother while my mom and sister stayed was an experience..we dont normally have them but this time we did..and so when they sounded the all clear then we all mad eit back upstairs and sat around there to visit until the rain stopped..i dont think the rain cleared very much..but it did produce the prettiest double rainbow i had i have a lot of pictures over the course of the night and i hope you get to enjoy them..we are back home now and it did do damage around town..they said it touched down in the middle of town and it shows that it tomorrow is supposed to be better least i hope it tired now..i did get all my calories in before this happened..but no walking tonight..i kinda feel bloated today..all day long..not a good feeling...have a good night..

hereya go..this is the big bad tornado..

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

another day another walk..

this is how i feel tonight..just blah..and getting my associates was a very proud moment..may my bachelors year 2012..

this was a day of just working and not knowing what else to do..i walked tonight and did almost 2 miles altogether..but earlier today i walked in place at my stand..i am not sure if this is as effective as walking somewhere or not..i know it made me sore and i felt the i guess something was happening..

iam feeling like a rut right now..i dont know why but i am..i just feel like blah tonight..not knowing how i feel or what to say tonight..i did my walk and continued on my calorie count..ended up with 1390 and i hope its doing something..i took my hose off tonight, so now iam going to have to struggle with getting them on in the morning..i really hope my legs dont swell up tonight..i got a message from a guy i used to talk to on myspace and he wanted to meet with me soon..but i am just a little scared to do it..i dont think there is anything wrong with him.i dont feel like there is, but i just dont like this..i know what it is he kept talking about before and i dont like it then or now..i just wish that the right man would come along even as a friend right now..and just make me feel a little more secure..iam just having one of those nights i guess..not feeling like much, and just living in a rut..

i know iam not going to go meet him or anyone else for that matter that i dont know..i dont want to go through that ..i think iam going to go to bed and try to sleep..maybe i will feel better in the morning..have a good night!

a backwards day!

this was the clouds we had today..tomorrow might be another story..more rain..and this is me tonight..i cut my bangs and washed my i was playing around..

well this is the latest blog i have done to is now 2 am on tuesday morning, and i am about to talk about monday well it wasnt a bad was a monday..i got up early and took my brother to work..i can never wake up in the morning..i guess iam always going to be a night owl even when i have to get up early..its just in me to be asleep til noon..but i made it up and back cats wanted to be fed early so i did..but i told them to not get used to that..i dont like being up at 730 in the morning..anyway i got the things done i needed to do and then i went and got my brother for lunch and we went home..well when i took him back i had to go to work too..we have two stands and i usually run what is called #2..but today #1 needed some is our busiest one and even if the other one doesnt get open this one always does..

so i went there thinking someone would come in and replace me so i could go to the other one and open it too..not a one came in til 4 pm and by then the crowd is usually gone for the day..but i went over there anyway and thought i was going to open and then my uncle decided not too..i dont blame him, he would be losing money if he i got to go home early which is nice and not nice..i need the money..but working in the first one made me realize i am getting smaller, because i used to never be able to stand on the step stools and get the mixes down, and today i could and not overbalance myself..i was excited..i am going to be a normal size i cant wait..everything is so tall in this building that i cant reach anything unless i stand on a step i normally woudldnt work this stand unless it was an emergency..but whoohoo i did it..

i know it sounds silly to get excited over little things, but its all the little things that make up the big things and make it exciting to go down this road..its a mystery and you never know what you will find next..but getting back to the backwards part of this..well since i got off early and worked the different stand..that starts the backwards day..i then went home and got my mom and sister and we left..well we only had a few minutes til we had to pick him up so we went and got our yogurt cone first..and then we picked him up and then we went to eat..see how backwards we were today..and the last thing we did was go for our walk..we had a very backwards day ..but it was fun..we had cucumbers tonight instead of eating anything else we cut one up and ate was i had 1350 in calories and i walked almost 2 miles tonight even after i worked and walked thru i am tired now..

but i found out my friend is okay..he is going to be back online here i was so relieved..i would not know what to do if he was badly hurt or worse..i am just thankful he is okay..i did have a snicker earlier today..but i needed some calories and the snickers was the best was 280 calories and i hadnt had chocolate in a long i wanted some..but i counted it ..see how easy it is when all you have to do is count the calories you eat..thats all..just be mindful of everything that goes into your mouth..

i guess i better get to bed soon..its pretty late..but it was a good day and iam enjoying it so much..i never thought i would enjoy trying to lose weight, but i actually do and the crazy thing is i dont have to make myself walk or exercise..i just do it..its just me now..i go out even at night and walk the ramp..i walked in place tonight for 30 minutes outside and loved it..i felt the burning in the muscles and it felt good..i even exercised today at work..i figure as long as i am standing up on my feet..i might as well be doing something productive if i am not so exercise for me is now just part of my life..and i am so glad it is..
i hope you all can make it the best part of your life as well..
have a wonderful tuesday..

Sunday, May 16, 2010

well im just not sure about this day..

well its fun to look dad died in 2007, and my nephew shane which is seans brother died in 2001..and our aunt passed away in 2009..the others are of me when i was younger..i was a makeup artist on the set of a movie which was done here in stillwater and was directed by anson williams and produced by ron was cool i got to meet some really neat people and learn the ins and outs so to speak..also the other one is me when i was 21 and sean had just had amber she is one and she thought she was she never would go to anyone but was nice..
well i just wanted to share some oldie off to bed now..the top picture is me when i worked for a covenience store here in town..i was 25 then..probably 290 then..

i dont know how i feel about this day right now..i got up feeling bad i didnt go to church.. i ended up feeling weak and just kinda blah today..but i did go out and walk this evening..but even that i did almost a mile..i forgot to tell you about my measurements yesterday..i was so excited..i lost 15 inches all over in the last two months..and it is certainly something i am seeing too..i got behind the seats at braums know where you have to scoot over and over to get seated..well i got to scoot and scoot and i fit..behind the tightest one ..i fit..yay! a big victory..iam getting smaller and it is coming off..i never thought i would be able to do it and stick to it..but its so easy..really its easy..just count the calories and exercise and drink the water..thats all you got to do..and keep praying that God will help you through it..He will too..

so i guess my day isnt too blah..just the way i feel..i didnt even get to 1300 today..i needed too but i got up late and doing that its hard to eat the amount you need..i ended up with 1265 by pushing it..and i walked real close to a i kept doing it even though i didnt feel like it..

i have just been so sad best friend jeff, well he is missing off of fb..and ms..i dont know what has happened to him..i cant find him and i cant get ahold of him..his number and address is unlisted..iam so worried that something is wrong..its not like him to be this way..he reads my blog every night and he talks to me every day..if he had another heart attack his mom would have told us on his fb..thats what she did when he had the heart attack a few weeks has been a full week and nothing..not a peep not a you know that poking on fb..he always pokes me back within i just pray he is alright..please pray for him too..he has been one of my biggest supporters..and one of my best friends...

iam trying to get through this day..sometimes its just not easy to do..somedays are awful hard to go through..we finally had some sun today, so we will open up tomorrow..thank you for all the nice comments last night..i try to write from the heart..its whats in my heart that i would like to say to everyone..what i feel..i spend a while sometimes writing down my thoughts...sometimes i think about it all day, what iam going to write..its important to me to say something that is worthy of reading and how i honestly feel inside..i like to write and it is a theraputic tool as well..this is something like an online diary..for everyone to see..i never used to write down my feelings, but it might have been a good thing if i had..

i guess while i am talking maybe i will tell you my most embarrassing moment..
i was 14 when this happened..when i was 9 to 14 i played a game in the summer called junior putters of america..jpa..well this was a good sport for kids and a cheap one at that..5.00 for the whole summer on tues. and thurs..we could play all day and there were pop machines there and the baskin robbins was next sean and i played every year...sean was always good at this sport..i was too but he was better..
at the end of the year we had our family picnic and handed out the ribbons and trophies..well we got to go on a trip and play at the nationals in memphis, fun..we sold our tickets every year and we went..

well this year i was getting older and i was now on my little girl know what it is..i was 14 and being that young i was flowing very heavily...not something you want to be around..i also liked the boys of course and they knew cousin who is a girl went with me ..she is only a year younger and we both have fun when were together..we went on this trip with all these boys and only 2 more girls..well the embarrassing part is coming.

i started and it was a mess and i hadnt brought anything with me because it wasnt the cousin started too..and we had to drive for 12 hours with all these boys being boys..they were silly and teased us all the way there..we were cramped in the van and unfortunately we were bleeding badly..this was not fun..once we got to the hotel, we thought we were okay..we had pads and had put them on..of course everyone now knows we were on we went to the room and the boys followed us to the rooms and decided to take the pads and throw them they did and i had to run around this hotel trying to catch these boys so i could get my pads back..i did get them back but i dont know if i will ever forget that trip..and actually i ended up bleeding for 30 days that month..i ended up in the emergency room when i got back and found out i had an infection of some sort..i was told then i couldnt have children..i guess i have healed last doctor told me i was fine..but that was my most embarrassing event..and it was something..

well maybe i better get to bed and pray for a better day..

Saturday, May 15, 2010

i made 2 and a 1/2 miles tonight..yea!

these are all pictures of my family way back when we were at the heaviest.i think it must have been back in 2001 or 2002..somewhere in there..boy we let ourselves sure glad we got a hold of ourselves now..

i actually walked twice tonight and the first time around i made a mile and a half..i was so excited..i knew i needed to step it up from last night, but i didnt know just when i would really feel like doing it..but today i thought well your not tired, so why dont you go around a couple more times and see if you can make it..and i could..i was tired then..whew was i tired..i was sweatin when i went in..

so when we came back from charlies chicken..this is 3.99 chicken fried steak day..and yes i said chicken fried steak..but i didnt have any gravy and the chicken fried steak was only 190 calories..then i shared the mashed potatoes with my brother and no gravy there i ended up with 470 calories with this meal.i had a serving of rice and a roll and half a serving of mashed potatoes..i know tooo much starch..but its once a week..its a change..anyway we went around the lake and over to braums to get our yogurt cone...and then has been a cloudy day and kinda humid today..but we didnt open up again ..i think he is waiting til next week to make sure it isnt bad weather anymore..but as we got home..i thought well i need to do another off i went to do another mile..and i made it..i did 2 and a half miles in 65 minutes..that wasnt too bad..not the best for me but not too bad..i am wanting to do 3 miles in 70 minutes but that will take time..

i was tired again..but i sure do enjoy the really feels good to get out there and exercise...i havent been doing anything else today..just watching t.v. and exercising..i feel better today..i dont know what it was, but it hit me fast..i was looking at all my old pictures last night after i did my blog and thought man i dont ever want to go back to that again...iam trying to find pictures and music to do a photoshow as part of the requirements for the blog awards..i like doing that kind of stuff but iam finding it to be kinda hard to come up with my own pics...but i will and get it posted on

i have so many pictures and each one reminds me of different times in my life..and then i think was i actually happy or was i pretending to be could i have felt good at the weight i was could i even think men would be attracted to me at this weight..i remember meeting a guy here in town who was and is a very cute guy, and i was walking on a cane at the time and thought okay iam a nice person we have alot in common why wouldnt he like me and want to go out with me..we met for lunch and talked for a while and we did hit it off..but looking back at the pictures, why would i think this guy would even be interested in me..i was 356 pounds. it made me upset when he just wanted to be friends..i knew it was my weight..he said it wasnt all that but i knew it i thought well if he cant see past my weight into my heart, then he isnt the one i hurt hurt to go through it with every man i have ever had a crush on or thought i was in love with..enough to even make me cry as i write it down..

i dont ever want to go back to this weight again..not ever..i see my looks getting better and i think my personality is the same..i have always had a good personality and i have always had a good heart..and i know one day something will happen if its supposed too..oh he was the one who introduced me to the guy i was going to marry later on but he and i did stay friends for awhile..but he got married and things changed..i know one day it will happen..i just have to keep telling myself that and praying for it...

i really cant wait to see what i look like at 130 will be so exciting to be that weight and now iam also growing my hair long we will see how much i am really going to change..this has been a good day..i ended with 1350 in calories and walked twice so i think i burned a few off today..i guess i better get ready for church tomorrow..seeyou all then..

Friday, May 14, 2010

a better weight and wow i caught some kind of flu bug..

these were such cool pics of the cats..oreo was the one looking at me..he is such a cat who needs the attention..tux is the old one who thinks he has to guard me, and then the bird was eating out of the cat dishes..he wasnt even scared...the other picture is my mom and my wendys of course..and me walking tonight..its cold but the sun did shine for a minute..i caught it when it did..

i didnt blog last night, because i was sick..i didnt wake up sick but i got sick during the was a typical rainy day for us all..i havent got to work hardly at all this week because of the weather..and were looking for more this weekend..but we went ahead and went to wendys and my aunt went with us..aunt connie is my moms baby sister and one of the last aunts we have left..she grew up with my older sisters and so they feel like sisters instead of aunt and sean and i do..well it was a really nice visit and we went riding around and looked at the ducks again..we always enjoy going to theta pond and seeing the ducks..but after we came home last night, i went and layed down on my mommas bed and stretched out..sure felt good..i dont sleep in a bed because of the sleep apnea i have ..i have a chair but now the chair has broken and it goes downward and so it isnt very good for my i lay on my moms bed awhile now..i fell asleep and didnt wake up for an hour and a half..but when i did it was getting dark and i wasnt feeling good then..i was freezing and couldnt stop chillin..i got nautious and my head was hurting and i just couldnt stand it..i hadnt felt this bad for a long time..

so i went back to my chair this time..i hadnt walked but i was so weak i couldnt walk a block much less a i fell asleep fast and didnt wake up til the middle of the night, and even then i went back to sleep pretty quickly..i was sick..

well i woke up this morning and i didnt feel as least i wasnt freezing still chillin but not freezing..i have lived in the bathroom all day and thats something i hate never know when its going to happen and we of course went to wendys again..we live at we like them and they all like us there..they actually know our order so well that sometimes they have it ready when we walk in the door...then we change it on them..hehe but not lately we have two grilled chicken go wraps and a diet sister and i do the same order..that is 500 calories and for breakfast we usually have a protien bar at 200 by the 5pm we have had at least 700 calories if we hadnt eatin something with the bar...then after wendys we drive thru braums and get the smll yogurt cone and see this was one of my mistakes i was getting the ice cream and calling it 220 when its the yogurt thats 220 i should have added another 150 calories to be right..but before we went anywhere i went to the health center and weighed again just to see what it would say since i had been doing better lately..and guess what i lost 3 pounds

whoohoo..3 pounds closer to 300 ..the real 300..i am not sure i hit 300 before because of the wraps..i never could tell very good what the real weight was when i was wrapped up..but now i am back to just being me and it said 306..i was pleased...
i came home tonight and the skies look nicer rain today just 54 degrees..but it feels really i thought okay i am still weak, but maybe the walking will help i went out and walked a mile..i wasnt even tired so now i think its time to up it to a mile and a half to walk next week..i am still weak even now but i will be better soon i imagine..hope you all enjoy your friday night..

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

iam wearing pants i hadnt wore before

me tonight all fixed

i have had another day of watching out for storms and looking out for the sun which never came to go to uncles business depends on the weather, i dont like it that way but if he pays us to just sit there, then he ends up losing when we have days like the week we have been having, then i have to watch for the sun to pop out..but the sun never poped out and he decided i needed to go to work around 3 i did..i did 2 customers and they were free to begin unfortunately he didnt make a dime off of me today..but its a job so i need to stop complaining about it i guess..i have done it forever and i can do it in my sleep..i probably have

but after i got off work then we all headed home and got in just in time to watch out for the weather ..we kept watching but we only got a windstorm tonight..which is good..we are still expecting more tomorrow and friday..these spring days are not always fun..but this morning i actually got to do my last session with my therapist..she is a really neat lady and i am going to miss her..i am going to have to go by and just say hello..but she said she would keep up with me on my blog..
i went down in size on my legs at least around my ankles i did..the calves seem to be up some but hopefully they will go down too..

i went and walked the ramp tonight..i thought man i have to keep walking..i dont care if it storms for forty days and nghts..i have to walk i walked the plank as we call it..and it hurts more than the walking does...i did a mile again..iam going to have to go up on that..i cant keep at just a mile..i wont get too far that way..but i was sweating when i came it was good..
i watched every calorie again..this is what i have to do always...i ended up with 1300 all day..which is good..i like that..i am actually wearing some pants now i hadnt ever got into before..i fixed my hair and makeup and was just playing around tonight being silly..and so i tried on this pair of pants i bought at walmart last year and was not able to wear said a size 26 and i thought i was..but appearantly i wasnt yet..but now iam ..yea! these are pants you zip and these are skin tight clothes and they arent skin tight..iam so glad to see make me feel so much better..i know i will make it to my goal..i know i will..i just have to keep doing the same thing and step up the walking..i drank 5 glasses of water 5 glasses..i was pleased..

i took a few pictures of me full length i said i was playing..something to do on a rainy night..hehe

i do feel pretty good..i can see my double chin though..i dont like that..but it will go away soon and for good..hope you all have a good night..

not the weighday i wanted..

me and my brother/nephew sean..his blog is awesome and so is he..

well today was a day of more storms but not around here..i was so glad..yesterday was not the best day for oklahoma..but were okay and most of us are used to this weather..its still scary when it happens..well this morning was my friends funeral, but for some reason i just couldnt make myself go to it...i knew early on i couldnt do it..i kept thinking about her all day and kept wishing i had gone but it was almost like a panic attack, i remember having one of those when i was in school 20 years ago and had to give my last speech and just couldnt make it ..i ended up failing the class because of the panic wasnt fun to go through..and today it started to feel that way..i guess i was just nerves have not been the best lately and i just get all emotional around these i thought about her all day..

but this afternoon i went and weighed and saw on the scales what i didnt want to see..i went back to 309 and i wasnt pleased..but i am there and all i can do is keep going...i have to get past this 300 mark..i have too..i know it is probably the peanut butter that i have been eating and the ice cream instead of the yogurt and not walking the past 2 tonight i walked..when we got home i walked..i only did a mile but i tellya a mile felt like a couple of felt like i was starting all over again..i had only been away from it for 2 days and it felt like i was carrying heavy weight all over again..i dont like that feeling..i did make it in 20 minutes though..i did a mile in 20 minutes not bad for me..

i kept a strict count on my calories tonight and i started to drink my water again..this is what i have to do to really get this weight off..iam going to do it now and nothing is going to interrupt my focus..i watched the biggest loser tonight and they are something..of course they havent lost as much as my own nephew has but they have done well for themselves and they dont even realize it..sean has been the biggest inspiration for me...i see how he is always positive and upbeat and how he sincerely wants to help people with this problem we all have..he is a very special brother..i have several brothers is my own brother but iam close to all my nephews and even some friends and my cousins, all my family seems to be pretty close..its a nice feeling to be like that..

iam not happy with the weight iam at but all i can do about it now, is keep going..i have to move forward and get stricter with everything and no slacking with the calories..i went and saw my friend tonight and he was eating his supper..he had a big sandwich and favorite i sat there and watched him eat this supper and i drank my water..i couldnt believe it..i didnt even get into his bag of chips..i used to but not now..iam so glad i am in control of all of it..its nice to have that feeling..i know one day i am going to be 130 pounds and not even want to go back to being this way again..i know that because i want it now..its in me now to do this..i didnt want it bad enough before or i would have stuck to it..and not made excuses as to why i couldnt do it..

i feel good even being this small and it is far from being small..but today i had to open up the stand, and that means i have to put out about 10 to 12 balloons i used to do this but i felt awful getting in and out of the stand at 356 wasnt today i just zip in and out of there like nothing at all..its very easy for me now..i felt good getting out there and walking around putting out the balloons..i was 47 pounds slimmer..and a whole different mentality...

and then tonight, as i went to see my friend i was able to sit in a chair he has at his job and feel good in it..i mean i felt good.i wanst too big for it and it wasnt snug iam losing something its just now i have to get those 9 pounds back off and get going with the rest..just keep going forward..thats all i can do..!

i better go to bed..last therapy session in the morning..hooray!
i do feel better in these hose..if i can just keep them up..
have a great tomorrow..

Monday, May 10, 2010

a very scary day..

well we knew we were going to have some severe weather today, but didnt know how severe it would end up being..i live in oklahoma ..a place where you can have all 4 seasons in one day..we have tornadoes every year, but we never get used to them..we have some of the best forcasters in the country but sometimes they are not fast enough with the news..we had several tornadoes today and they seemed to have been all around us where we live..where sean lives they got close so he was probably on weather duty like always..we watched it from wendys this afternoon..or snocones didnt open up simply because it wasnt the kind of weather for it..

so with my mom and sister in the car we headed to wendys to be near the tv's..they have 2 there, and we had both weathermen on..the wind and the trees kept blowing and the clouds got dark and it was cold..not the nicest day in the world..i kept relaying messages on fb to tell my friends who wasnt around where the weather was what was coming..of course our family has always been a little anxious when it comes to storms so we never like to be out in them..but today we were..we had to pick my brother up from his job and got caught right in the middle of the hailstorm..

apparently that is all we got here..a big hailstorm from the scary sounding weather from today..the weathermen got anxious too..and sounded that way on the air..but we got home and i fell asleep, i guess i was tired from the day..i ended up with 1340 in calories and felt pretty good about that..i didnt get to walk today simply because i wasnt going out in this stuff..but i will tomorrow..

i ate an orange and got sick..boy did i get sick..i cant take citric acid and i had forgotten since i had not had one in a while..iam still not feeling good even now..we are okay now..we did have some fatalities in this tornado which is was everywhere and most people were very lucky to be safe..but i feel for the ones who lost their lives today..tornadoes are so mean and they just dont give you a warning..
iam going to my friends funeral in the morning to honor her memory..i guess i better get to bed comes early and i am still not well..goodnight everyone

Sunday, May 9, 2010

happy mothers day!

wow this has been a great day..we had a good sermon at church and it was alot of fun afterward..well we went to the stockade today..and i didnt feel intimidated like i used too..i just knew it was up to me how much i ate..whether i felt alright or i went to the salad bar first and got a big plate of salad..that was good..i tellya i saw the biggest strawberries i had ever seen in my life...really good though..

after the salad i went and got a good meal..i ended up with green beans and a touch of mashed potatoes..and some roast beef and turkey and a small piece of meatloaf..just a bite really..we had to wait in line just to get was a busy day..they had people waiting all the way to the was something..

but sean had come to stay with his mamma last night, so it was me and my sister and brother and nephew today..seans girls were with their mother..i took lots of pictures..we are all looking is pretty neat..after we ate we went home and then everyone wanted to go for a we did..we drove around and went to the boomer lake to look at the geese..and it was so cool..we went to one area and they were everywhere..they had all the little geese with them..even the geese were celebrating mothers day..that was funny..then we went to theta pond and looked at the we have seen plenty of ducks today..we all like riding around and now iam out of the wraps, its easier to drive..

so we had sister and i took a day off from walking is so cold today and has been like 50 degrees all we didnt feel much like it ..but we have to give up our peanut butter..i guess i need too..i didnt realize how many calories was really in it..sean kept telling us what he thought we should be doing to get the weightloss moving..and so we are going to have to get going on it..because we should be losing..anyway it has been a fun day and tomorrow starts another day..they are calling for severe weather like i hope not..

anyway here is the slideshow of today..hope you all enjoy your evening..

iam taking control of my food..

this is me and the ladies in my sisters and my mom and my cousin who is a sister too..happy mothers day..i loveyou all!

i have had a difficult day trying to get through having these cravings for all the wrong foods..i keep wanting snaky stuff and my mind keeps telling me its okay go ahead and eat, its alright its mothers day..go ahead and eat through your depression..i cant go back to those ways..i have had a day because i found out last night that one of my friends from high school who had been battling cancer for two years passed away, and it was quite a blow..she was the same age as i am and was a very nice person..she had two little girls whom i am sure will miss her very much..i remember her smile and how kind she always was to me...her name was cami and she was a christian lady..i know she is much happier and without pain now..i miss her already..

i kept thinking about her all day and it just made me sad...when i get sad i go to least i used too..iam really trying my best to look at how iam feeling and think about it instead of just eating and never learning why i feel like i do..iam a psychology major shouldnt i be better at rationalizing this anyway..?

well i ended up telling myself no you cant do this to cant start eating again and saying its okay..because its not..i dont want to end up killing myself because of food..if i die because of cancer or diabetes okay thats a reason..not because of glutney and it is what it is..

so i did better, i had 1400 calories today and no snocones was so cold tonight i am surprised we were open..i had a total of 2 people this evening..not you can see i had plenty of time to eat the snocones..i kept telling myself too you dont have to walk tonight..its okay its cold out one walks in cold weather..oh yea i said..well iam..i kicked myself out there..and did 30 minutes..i walked a mile and was still going..i never stopped to take a rest because i never got tired..i couldnt believe the hose, how good they feel on my legs once i get them positioned to not slide down all the was such a inner voice whom i am not listening to when it comes to food..just didnt do me right tonight..but i showed i got back at it and did just what i needed to do for me..i walked and watched the calories..whoohoo iam taking control now..

we are going to sirlon stockade today..i know a buffet..but i know we can control it and do well..we shouldnt let food make us scared..i have to control it myself and say your not going to make me fat anymore..because its not the food, its the person..if we can control how much we eat, then we have won the battle..and so iam not going to ignore the buffet line tomorrow..iam just going to eat the right way and enjoy the day..

i hope you all do the same..have a wonderful mothers day..

Saturday, May 8, 2010

walking in the hose is a blast..

this is me with no makeup on..just lipstick!

i will put the video on later..firefox keeps crashing..

i went to therapy again this morning, not knowing just what we were going to do...after all i wasnt being wrapped was fun.i will miss talking with my therapists..she is really nice and someone i know i can get along with..i may have to go by there sometime just to say hello..i have one more time next week so i may get some pics then of me with her..iam doing well with the hose and it is really making a difference with my legs..i can walk better and even faster now..

i went to work this evening thinking i would get a crowd, after all its friday and the kids are getting out of school..i had a total of 3 customers on my shift..i couldnt believe was so disappointing..but i made it work for me..i went out when the weather started changing and it was cooler and i walked..i took my pedometer this evening and wore it, and it said i walked a mile and a half in 30 minutes..i was so excited..i was breaking my record and it was due to these hose..i was walking and i wasnt even tired..i just kept walking to see how long it would be before i got a customer..but we never did so i got closed up and went was cold and no one was thinking of snocones..i did however have some pain in my heart while i was walking fact i have had it for 3 nights now..the first night it lasted for 30 minutes and last night not too much..but tonight it was while i was walking and it lasted 10 minutes..its a heavy pressure in my heart..and i dont know how to deal with it right now..but iam watching it..i made a video on here to show you me walking tonight..i was bored and i am sure you can tell that..hehe

i took a few pictures of me today and i didnt have any makeup on just the lipstick and i actually looked okay..i usually dont like myself without makeup but now iam starting to look at myself a little different..i dont look so bad..we took our mom to the doctor today and she turned out was just a check up and he said he didnt want to see her again for 4 months..and he was very pleased to see me in the hose..this has been a long time coming and i am so glad it came..its a whole change of life..i think my life is just beginning to change for the better..and i think its about time i did ..

we watched a western tonight that reminded me of my friend and i was called the wild and the innocent..can you guess which one but sandra dee was the innocent and audie murphy was the wild was really good, and one we hadnt seen before which is really defenitely reminded me of how my friend always is ..and how i end up was cute..the brown eyes always gets the

iam a night owl if you havent already figured it out..i get up in the morning but iam never awake til just isnt in me to be awake at 7am..i was born at 506 pm and so i can get used to anything but iam a night person..when i went to work tonight, i had only had 1120 calories and didnt even touch a snocone..iam getting so used to not touching the snocones that i dont think i will even be bothered now..but when i went home i was starving and had to eat i ended up with i think about 400 calories i had a total of 1500 calories today..i guess its not too bad..but i cant seem to lose the pounds..i know i am losing the inches because i can sit in the chairs different places..we went to the doctors today and i was able to get into the chair without hurting my sides..i couldnt believe it..i had never done that before..i know i will be able to fit into the chairs in the fall..isnt that just a cool feeling..well i will wait to do my photoshow and my most embarrassing moment..i will do that tomorrow..i need to find the pictures..i want to put a bunch of pictures together with the music of my years and show you who iam..its one of the rules for the blog awards..but i think it will be fun..

i better go to bed though..its later now than it was last least i dont have to get up at 7am in the have a great mothers day..

Friday, May 7, 2010

a day that feels like freedom..what a nice feeling..

well here are my new hose, they look like socks dont they..they sure dont feel like and i get to wear my shoes now..and i saw this truck tonight and thought yep there is my favorite chip in the whole world..and me tonight being bored again..hehe

today was going to start out as any other day..i was going to get rewrapped and go home and do all the things i have to do. and actually i almost didnt go get wrapped because i didnt feel good..but i am sure glad i did..i went outside and wow i saw a package laying on the porch..not a big package mind you..but a small one just big enough to fit a pair of hose in...and guess what..thats what was in hose came and now i am in my hose and not having to wrap myself anymore..oh freedom never felt so good..

i went to the therapy session and she taught me how to put the hose on, and then she said i did better than she did..amazing..i thought how cool, maybe i can get this after all..but wow it is hard..and it hurts oh it hurts..if you dont get it the right way it digs into you and hurts the ankle..but i got it up and that was good..i tried it again and was able to do i was so glad..but then i realized i didnt have my shoes or socks with me..all i had was these flip flops and i dont like flip flops..i never have and i still was hard enough to drive in them when my feet were the right size for them but now they are so much bigger than my feet, that they just come off, and can you see me driving in

so i said wow i get to go home and get my wonderful..i cant wait to walk..
i have been walking in them all day and it feels really feels like freedom.i didnt know how much it would affect me but it legs are slimmer and i feel so much better..iam so glad there is someone in this town that knows what she is doing when it comes to this problem..she told me its not just the weight issue with this problem..its mainly cancer patients ..because the lymphatic system is destroyed when the chemotherapy is there then the lymphadema starts in..i got mine because of a staff infection i had in my legs..thats how it began..

i tried to walk this evening in the stand, but that didnt work out too well..and i was going to walk tonight, but i went and saw a friend of mine instead and visited with him..i enjoy his company and i think he enjoys mine as well..but i have been watching my calories and i dont eat the snocones now ..which is something to me..i used to eat two or three a i dont even think about it...

but i tellya being able to drive again the normal way is a gift all by i had the hardest time trying to learn how to drive with the legs wrapped the past 4 weeks..but it sure feels good to look normal.. i am trying to get myself in better health and maybe thats why i dont have any kind of relationship with anyone right now..maybe i am supposed to get me in order first.and then it will be the right time for who ever..talking to my friend tonight, i still feel all the feelings i used to have with him, and i dont know if he feels the same, he never wants to discuss it anymore..were not a couple and he doesnt want to talk about we dont..but its nice to be friends ..i like that..

well another day starts in a few hours and i get to learn how to do these hose again..i hope you all have a wonderful friday..its 1 am here i guess i am going to get into bed and hopefully get to sleep..