Friday, April 30, 2010

a windy and blustery day! where are you pooh bear?

these are just some of the women and me at our meeting tonight..

wow what a does no good to fix your hair when you have wind like we did and still do has been the windiest day i have seen in a while..i went this morning and thought i was going to be blown all the way across it was terrible..

it is supposed to bring in rain tonight..and i do believe it..i went to therapy this morning early this time ..i was so tired..i couldnt hardly keep awake..but i found out i will be getting into the hose next week..yea! i can do next friday i will be in compression hose and not having to wear these wraps again...go me! i did get used to these things, but i tellya driving in them is a real chore..but i have nade it thru and iam so i have to learn how to put the hose on..thats a chore too..

we did our usual thing going to wendys..i dont know when i am ever going to get to make food for my family..i guess when i can afford to go to the store and get it..maybe soon..iam starting a job on saturday and iam so excited..iam helping my uncle with his snocones..going to be something to try and stay away from those..i tried last year and it backfired on me..i do hope i have more wilpower this summer..
well it has been a fun day.when we came home i walked and my cat walked was so cool..he is so loyal..he walks with me side by side..and when i stop he stops..its something to see..he is so supportive and doesnt even know it..

i went to my first ladies prayer meeting at church tonight..i know i should have been going all along..but at least iam going now..of course i am working evenings now so its going to be hard to keep going..but i really enjoyed it..i knew some of the women from along time ago, but there were new faces i had never met before and had only shook hands with, so it was nice to get to know these women..but oh the snacks they had..i had 400 calories left for tonight..cause i knew i was going so i thought that might be no wasnt..they had brownies and cookies and ice cream and crousaints..and different kinds of pasta a whole line of was good..i think i did okay..i sure hope i did..the brownies are just too much for me lately..i have seen brownies twice now at church..i had a brownie and a crousaint and some chicken salad with it..and one more i dont know..i may have had more than what i am used too..but i didnt go back and get anything else..

iam so tired tonight but i know with this wind and this storm i will probably be awake..when i walked that mile it just blew me all around this park..this wind is like the wind in winnie the pooh..its just a blustery day..hopefully tomorrow wont be as blustery as today..

have a good night everyone..

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

a big hug from me to you!

i have had an awesome day..i started out this morning getting up late but made it ..and was looking at my facebook on my phone and saw so many comments from people who are my friends stating how inspiring i am to others and i thought nice to have such great have such support..the support means so much to me..without it i dont know if i would care as much as i do and keep doing this..

i noticed before if i didnt blog and people really didnt know anything about me changing my foods..then i would say well no one is going to care if i get a box of candy for tonight..i used to buy the 1.00 box of hot tomales over at the dollar store..and eat them in my room so no one would know about it..600 extra calories cause i would eat the whole box in one evening..i didnt think anything of you are never gonna catch me eating 600 empty calories way..but i didnt hold myself accountable and i didnt tell people what i was supposed to be i would get off of it in a hurry..

this blogging is so neat..i can put out all my feelings and hold myself accountable and try and support others as everyone is supporting me..and i am so so thankful for all my friends and family who are so supportive on here and fb..and myspace..and my family who is always supporting me in everything..

giving someone positive support is so important to a person..what you say to someone can make or break the persons self esteem..i try and keep a positive outlook on things all the time now..i wasnt always like this..just a few months ago i was a mess but iam so much better and so much stronger for everything i have went through..and my friends and family are a big part of why i am doing better..the biggest part of course is JESUS..HE got me through it but not without the help of my thank you for that..and thank you for this..i am grateful for the positive support that all of you bring to me..

i was just overwhelmed today by all the nice messages i receive about being an iam just trying to get this weight off for real this time..all iam doing now is just sharing my journey..iam glad to being sharing it with everyone..i know we all need positive support and a kind word to get thru the day..its such a small thing but it means alot to just be kind..

i have done well today..i have gotten my 1300 in and i walked my mile tonight in the wind and the night air..but it felt nice..i almost walked a mile and a half but i decided to do that i came in ..and started this..i got some good news today..i can get into the store bought compression hose..anyone who knows about these knows how expensive this stuff is..the store bought is around 80.00 and the custom made is 900.00 and i thought i was going to have to do the custom made which is something i cant do to begin it is a blessing today to find out i can do the store yea!..

i am getting better with the legs, i only have maybe 2 more weeks until i get the hose on..and then i will be walking all over the place..i got my time down tonight too while i was walking..i am now doing the laps in 6 minutes..i want to get each lap down to 5 minutes so i can do 3 miles in 70 minutes..but that might be a few months..i have a year til the heart

well i just wanted to let you all know how much the support means to me and i will always try and be as supportive as i can be too..i love you all


a good day and i didnt have to force myself..

i feel like this sometimes..hehe

i have had another day were i was tired..i was so sleepy this morning and now i am so wide awake..i guess i am a night but i had to force myself to get up this morning, but i thought if you miss this appointment, you will have to stay in these wraps all day..oh no i wasnt doing that..i got up as fast as

i got to therapy and got these things off and oh i could breathe..awwww i sure feels good to scratch..and it does too..i always go to the shower and get in and that feels good to get the warm water on my legs, but oh man if you scratch before you do that it will burn..but still feel good..

i jumped out and got rewrapped and it really feels good to get redone ..and then by nighttime it is back to coming off again..we had a good day, and it felt good today..not too hot and not cold i enjoyed walking..i walked this evening and it was getting sorta hot then..but was okay..i decided i have to do this for has to be done and it has to be done now..i will not lose it any other whether i feel like it or not, i have to walk..and i did..i went out and did a mile in about 40 minutes..i would like to do a mile in 20 minutes but thats a while a for now iam doing fine..

i am enjoying knowing that my consistency is what is going to pay off for me..its what is going to be the key..i have to walk everyday and i have to focus everyday..its the main thing..if i have a bad day its to be expected..we all do but i still have to walk and i still have to focus on what i am doing and how is it affecting me..but iam trying hard to keep my days positive now..its not always easy but its the best thing to do..

i hope you all enjoy your day on wednesday..its the middle of the thats good..
enjoy every moment..we are blessed with the gift of life..

Monday, April 26, 2010

i had to kick myself out the door i did!

here is the crow and the sunsets and me walking tonight..and my friend mandy who lives around here stopped by to tell me how proud of me she was..isnt that sweet..

well i have had quite a day...the first thing was that my wraps were killing me so bad last night, that at 4am i ended up taking one of them off and scratching it til it bled..not good..but i couldnt help actually didnt have tooo many bleeding marks..but there were a i kept it off til they wrapped it at 1030 this morning..but oh did that feel good to get out of those wraps and let me breathe..

i was so relieved and tonight doesnt even seem to really bother me..i guess its because i was in them for 3 days and tonight is only 1 day and i will rewrap tomorrow..but after i came home it was raining on me and so going out to walk was out for least til tonight..we went to wendy's and had the grilled chicken go wraps which are only 250 a this is good..and then tonight i had one plain hot dog and it finished out my calories for the day..i ended with 1400 calories for today...

i came home and really didnt feel like walking..everyone was sleeping and not talking about walking, so i was like maybe i can go to sleep too and not worry about it tonight...nope..i couldnt..i felt bad by not walking..i literally had to kick myself out the door and say you are going to walk..and i did and i enjoyed it..
i am going to do this heart walk a year from now may 1, is 3.2 miles in 70 minutes around the lake..i havent tried going around the lake yet but i bet i will be when it comes time for thanksgiving..we have started a holiday walk around the lake now instead of sleeping off the food, we are walking off the food..sean thought of this and it is a great idea..i guess this year i will be joining in with them..

anyway, as i was walking i was trying to set my pace and see how fast i can go around the laps by themselves..i can do one lap in 6 minutes and thats in these i know i could be faster in regular tennis shoes..but a year from now i will be 120 pounds thinner too i hope..and that will make a big difference..doing it the way iam doing it..i can do 2 miles in an not too far from that..

i stay focused everyday and it seems like its just natural so glad. it will be nice to see a thin kelli ..i havent seen that person since i was 18 years i guess i will need to introduce myself all over again ..hehe but it will be fun!

we had a very pretty sunset tonight and thats when i went out of course i took my camera with me...and we were at walmart this evening in the car and we saw the biggest crow i have ever seen..and it was just sitting there on top of a car looking at me..probably wondering why i had a camera in the first so here are some of the pictures..

have a good night..

Sunday, April 25, 2010

what a fun sunday..

and this is minidog ..isnt she cute..she is our neighbors little dog and she watches me walk around the park..she is getting ready to move soon and iam going to miss her..

and here are 2 of the cars..actually this is the plane that won..

this is me and my friends heather and pam..

this is my brother watching the races..

this is the little girl..isnt she cute!
well this was family fun day at church this we went and my brother and i went to the was really cool..we had a nice meal prepared by the church people and that is quite the responsibility..there must have been a couple of hundred people who stayed afterward and ate and watched the car races..that was the big thing..the different sunday schools had each built a car for the race..kinda like the was neat brothers car was a john deer tractor..go figure ..its oklahoma..hehe

i had not went to the activities before because my mom always wants to go home, and we have to stay with her..but today i went ahead and went with my brother and my sister stayed with our mom, we were only gone for an it wasnt long..but it was fun.and it gave me a chance to meet some of the people who go to this see i went to this church as a child and was actually raised in this church..but as i got older and turned 18, i wanted to pick my own church to attend and thats what i did..i went to a non-denominational church and was there for 12 years..serving in the choir and as a deacon and the music ministry as for some reason i stopped going and when i started back it was over here with my family..
we have been going now for a few years and it is a nice church to go to..i am just now getting to know some of the people whom i didnt know back then..

so this was a day to have fun and it is just what i did..i took pictures of the races and of the people watching the races..this one little girl was smiling at me til she saw the camera and then put her head down as i took the picture..they all seem to know i am coming..hehe
the one thing i wasnt too sure about, and i feel bad about is i got 2 brownies which were bite size..i gave half to my brother and so it wasnt too bad..but i didnt eat alot..just now iam starting to actually feel bad if i eat something that i know is chocolate or a brownie and cookies..i mean if i know it is something with a bad amount of calories i start to feel guilty..i ate like two bites of pork and beans and 2 bites of pasta salad and a hamburger and hot dog piece..just the patties..and i hadnt had but 180 calories at that time so i watched it the rest of the day..i made sure i walked today too..i did a mile and would have done more but my legs were hurting from these wraps..

i did 2 miles i am pleased with the walking..iam doing it..not giving up on that..even in these things...and believe me its hard..i know next year at this time i will be a whole lot slimmer just by being consistent. i am thinking of doing the heart walk next year for the heart is 3.2 miles in 70 minutes around boomer lake..i think i can do it by next year..that will be fun..even if iam just walking it will be fun..well i am so ready to get these wraps off..i havent had them off all weekend which is good..but they have itched and itched all weekend much so they tomorrow they come off for a few minutes..hehe

well tonight i watched the tv land awards and that was pretty cool..seeing betty white in her 80's and still going as strong as she is so awesome..she doesnt look 86..i guess i better get off here and get ready to go to bed soon..
have a good night and an awesome monday..

Saturday, April 24, 2010

i made 2 miles in these shoes..

okay here iam with crazy hair caused by the rain..and the other picture is me and mark lowry at a gaither concert in 2006..i love the gaithers..

well today i started out the day like last night, but i thought man you have got to get out of this ..its not helping you, your not doing what God wants you to do by being depressed for something you dont have..i started watching the 48 hour mysteries and as much as i love that show, i didnt need to keep watching was only making me more i got up and turned it off and went was so and windy and the clouds were all over the started sprinkling and i thought okay i can do this before it rains..sprinkles are i kept going..i had got almost a mile and in my last lap, some cloud came over me and poured down on me while i was in the middle of the walk..i had to keep going to get home..

so i went in drenched and i was sure glad i got in when i did..when i got on our ramp the rain got even harder..i couldnt believe it..and in a few minutes it ended..and didnt rain anymore just had to rain on me..hehe but i felt good outside and it made me feel so much better doing something ..

we went and had our meal and came back home..i made it to 1300 calories and didnt go over and i feel great..i hope i end up losing weight here getting tired of being around the same weight..but all i can do is up the when we came home i went out and walked again..i thought well i need to try and make 2 miles i went back outside and i saw seven geese flying overhead and was wishing i had my camera with was so cool..and the sunset was so neat looking..such fluffy clouds and so different looking tonight..

i made the 2 miles and i wasnt even tired..i feel so does so much for the attitude that its amazing..i kept thinking i need to just let things go and wait for God to work things out..and then i turned on the tv and there was a preacher i like to hear and he said the same thing..i need to wait on God and be okay i think He is letting me know something i will and be patient..

i feel so much better than i did last night and i know i will keep going with this til i get it off and keep it off..its just me now..its what i do..thank you for the nice comments and advise last night..i am so grateful for all the friends on here..its so nice to have such support..i hope you all have a wonderful sunday..

Friday, April 23, 2010

a journey to a new life..really?

this was me a year and a half ago with my former fiance..and now friend..and the other picture is me today..

hey ya all its friday and i didnt walk today..i know its bad i didnt do it..but my legs were hurting so i legs are wrapped so tightly this weekend, that its hard to even walk regular much less power walk..hehe i have had a pretty good day..i have stayed on my calories and dont feel hungry or deprived about anything..

we sat at wendys and talked with my moms cousin tonight..and we were there for like 3 hours..just talking and listening to how hard her life was back when she was younger..she is my moms age so it was a while ago.she is a very interesting person and has lived quite a life..

i have been thinking too much tonight..maybe its because i didnt go walking..didnt get my emotions out like i usually do..but tonight i have just been thinking about how come im not married, and wishing i was..why am i not married..? im a pretty a good almost 42 and all i really wanted out of life when i was young..was to become a wife and mother..of course i wanted to be an actress and singer.that was a given with me..but deep down i just wanted to be a wife and a mom to some kids who might look like me some ..and have my singing voice..i just wanted what every girl wants..a nice husband and a cute little kid..

i suppose one day that might least the nice husband part..i am really too old to think of the cute little kid..i could adopt i guess..i always thought i would if i needed too..i live in a college town and you would think i would be able to meet people..but i take care of my mom and stay at home with everyone, i never know how to go out and meet anyone...i was engaged once and he is my friend now..he and i kinda rushed things and it was just too fast for both of us..but we are becoming good friends..he has been my therapist tonight..he has some good advise..i guess i just need to get out and meet just not a person to get out and do things anymore..

i think i might join a gym soon and kill two birds with one stone so to speak..hehe i need to start working on my strength and doing the treadmill would be a good thing for me..i need to focus on my weight and getting my legs in shape instead of wondering why i am not married..i guess i need to stop worrying..when its time hopefully i will be ready..

i was thinking about the title a journey to a new this really going to be a new life..? or is this the same life we are having just a little slimmer body..i know its all mental..we need to understand why we did the things to our body that caused us to be i guess it is a journey to a new life..hopefully we can claim a new life when we get to the goal we are going my life going to be different when i reach 130..? am i going to feel better about myself..or am i going to still be the same shy person i am today that doesnt know how to go out and meet people..will the confidence be something that is in me naturally, or am i going to become self centered because i am now a small person..i dont know..i think about this am i going to be affected by all the changes that will occur when i am small and still single..and is this new man liking me for me or 130 pounds ..sometimes i dont know if its a good journey to a new life or not..i know i will be much healthier and if i dont do this i wont be here long..but i just hope the mental aspects of it arent too great ..i hope i dont get totally depressed because nothing is happening to me and iam slim..i tend to be depressed at times..i think tonight is one of those nights..i just think too much..and then i cry..its just me..

i know one day God will allow the right man to be around..i just need patience..maybe i am supposed to get in good health before that happens..i guess i need too anyway..thanks for listening to me..have a good night..

another interesting day..

these pictures are of me when i was little and actually small..hehe
i was 3 in one and 7 in the other one sean was 4 on his bike..hehe

well this has been an interesting day..not alot different but it was still interesting..i go to therapy every morning and i have been seeing older people going to workout..this is so cool to me..but it is so funny too because they are dressed in workout pants with the stripe down the middle..and they are like 75 years old..i am only hoping i live so long...hehe

i got up this morning late enough to where i couldnt have any cereal til i got back and so when i got back i got into the cereal..i was starving by legs are going down slower than we wanted them too..i may be doing this for 3 more weeks til the hose..but i guess thats okay as long as we get them down..i cant afford the custom made ones..they are like 900.00 ! i dont know anyone who can afford those..

thank you all for all the nice comments..i love taking pictures and really this is who iam..if i could be a professional photographer i would be...i think too sometimes i take too many..i am cutting down..but i was so glad i had it with me last night ..

its not everyday my cousin comes to town..but today was good..i had a hard time getting to my 1300 but i made took me all day and night to get there but i got there finally..i walked too today but not as was starting to rain this evening and i had to go make a pottie run too..with these bandages on you live in the bathroom..hehe so i lived in the bathroom today..i hope the fluid is gone tomorrow..but i walked a half mile this evening and then the rain stopped..i had walked in the rain and just as i went stopped..i couldnt believe it..if it hadnt been for going to the restroom i would have done my mile..well tomorrow i will do it before the rain..

i ended up eating peanut butter and jelly sandwich tonight just to get my 1300 in..i used to never like pb and j..but i love it now..of course not too much of dad used to take it in his lunch everynight..that and a bologna sandwich too..everynight...

it hasnt rained started to tonight when i was outside talking to my friend at his we had to cut it short..just then it stopped again..i think someone is telling me something..hehe well this has been a good day and i think it will be a good day again..but i guess i better go to bed so i can get some sleep to start it again..hehe


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

an awesome surprise!

well today was a very good day..and a picture day for me..i took lots of pictures today and alot of them were nature pics..i went to my therapy this morning and got my legs done ..we took them off and they were going down still not quite where i was last thursday but close..

we were going to wendys of course...this afternoon when my cousin called me while we were waiting for my sister ..she called and wanted to know where we would be later my cousin lives in missouri so we didnt know she was in town..this was a big surprise and a nice one for my we got to wendys and she had gotten there right before we did..this was cool..and before we left something kept telling me today to take my camera..i hadnt been all week and this time i im glad i listened..

as we walked in my cousin walked behind us and came over and really surprised my mom..she had just talked to her on the phone and thought she was in shock was her expression..of course we dont want to surprise her too much..but she was pleasantly we took a few pictures and we sat down to visit and then my other cousin came in to visit too..she lives in town but we never get to go see them much anymore with mom just not wanting to do we took some more pics..we are a picture taking family..hehe but we have fun..

so we all had a nice visit and they both went on their ways to other towns..and we went on our way to go home..we went past the campus pond and saw the ducks and then we headed out to the lake to see some more ducks and geese..i saw some ducks walking around on the grass instead of swimming in the water..they looked i took more picss..

then we went home..we had quite and afternoon and was very tired when we got back..i rested some because of my having the toughest time driving because my leg is in so much pain going down on the peddle and then the just hurts to do it like when we rested a bit ..i went out and walked my mile ..and i was pushing myself with my mile was just the hardest thing..but i did it..and as i was walking i saw some horses and watched our cats walking is so funny to see them walk with girl cat sophie she was jogging in front of me and then she was ahead and had to stop to wait for me and so she would look back at me and then if i caught up to her she would go ahead was funny..

but it has been a really awesome day..i know my mom has enjoyed it and thats what counts..i curled my hair tonight to just see it curly..hehe i wanted to take a good picture of me with my hair here it is..hehe so this has been my night..i have gotten to 1300 calories and im not the least bit hungry and i walked my mile im doing good...i feel good and i know i am doing something good for me..

so now onto the next day to make more good choices..
hope you all do too..

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

a good evening to finish a good day!

this is my favorite christmas decoration in town..isnt it cool!

i got up today feeling good..tired but good..this is one of those long days but it always feels good to get up and get the day started..i wish sometimes that i was a morning person, then i would feel like getting up when the sun came up and get some awesome pictures..i love taking pictures of the sunsets and the sunrises when i wake up in time for it..i have alot of a night owl but im learning to go to bed earlier finding out if i dont i will feel lousy when i get up early..of course i knew this but now iam feeling it..hehe

i had to get up and when i woke up i should have stayed awake..i ended up falling asleep and almost missed my appointment to be wrapped..oh no that would be awful and it would i ran out of the house without my makeup on..oh how awful i had no makeup on..i never leave the house without my makeup ..unless iam sick and deathly sick at that..hehe but i thought well these are women and they know im not always going to look descent i would rather show my real face then be late..i got there on time..couldnt believe it..i had woke back up at 943 and i was there at 1003..i made it..i was sure would have been awful to have to keep these things on again today..

i was taken in right away and we went to work on them..they are both getting better and iam getting back to the way i was last week at the end of the i will look normal soon..and hopefully be in a compression hose in a couple of weeks..they are both doing good tonight..i must be losing a bunch of fluid today,because i have been in the restroom all day long..its like i have a water pill..

we did go ahead and go to wendys again today..but i changed it around for me..i got two grilled chicken go wraps like i was getting for awhile..its just its a little more expensive for me when i do that but its better..calorie wise its lower in calories but it does have alot of sodium..iam looking at the sodium now and noticing how much is in everything..and i wanted to thank you all for wanting to help me do this, im sure i will be emailing you all about this, and if you want to friend me on facebook , you can im under kelli anderson..but then when we came home this evening i had another piece of grilled chicken with a sliced cheese melted on it and it was good..another 290 calories with a slice of altogether today i have had 1300 calories ..i had a small ice cream cone and i really need to start limiting that..but i count it..

i dont go over my 1300 and it works..i havent weighed lately because of these legs..i know i have put back some fluid over the weekend so i dont want to see it..hehe but i keep walking even in these..and its hard..its a 10 pound weight on these legs ..and it feels like it believe doing better not drinking so much drinking alot of crystal light and i love it..we have the pink lemonade and it is good..well this has been a nice day and turned into a nice evening..and i know tomorrow will be too..i am trying so hard to be positive all the time..

i know this is not a race..its the rest of my life and i just have to live it and do what i have to do..if i dont well only God knows that..
have a good night everyone..

Monday, April 19, 2010

a very positive day..

these images are from the okc.bombing and now the memorial site..

today was so much better than the weekend had been..this morning my mom and i both went early to my therapy and she got to watch the therapists do my leg..she was still just in awe as how to do this and how do you walk like that she asked..its not easy i say..and its not..but i am getting better..
i went and walked this evening when we got back from iam going to tell you all what i eat and you tell me if its okay..i know i probably should change the burger but its the cheapest for me right now..i eat for breakfast a cup of cereal ..honey nut cheerios..and very little milk..then in the afternoon i eat i get the jr.double cheeseburger i was getting the side salad instead of the fries but i have been just counting the calories and its only 630 when you have the i always count it in..then i always have a small diet drink..and we usually end up going thru the drive thru of braums and get a small cone..just 220 calories and of course breakfast is 150 calories so i have something small in the evening if i have enough calories and never drink reg.pop now..i used to drink so much reg.pop that i would put on a pound a day just in pop..i now just drink dt.pop and i am trying to get used to water again..

i had a good walk today..i walked a mile this evening without the walker..and that was a hard thing to do because my legs are just not balanced yet..but i did good..and i came back felt like i had 10 pounds of weights on my legs..not a fun mom and i had a good was us most of the day together and we enjoyed watching television and sleeping some..hehe

my therapists thinks that i will be in compression hose in two iam excited about that..but wow they are expensive..i hope they will do the getting so tired of these legs not looking normal..i was talking to my friend tonight about things i could learn how to not a cook, but i would love to learn and i intend too..i just dont know what to fix anymore for my family and what to learn thats not expensive to buy..but i will learn it and become a cook one day..

this was the day of the okc.bombing and he killed 168 people babies as well..its been a somber day all day for everyone..even if its a good day for us individually, its been a sad day thinking of all the people who died because of 2 men who were sick in the head..15 years ago came and went..i remember on that day that minute i was picking my sister up at her house and i was turning on her tv to regis and kathy lee and all of a sudden i felt felt like an earthquake and all of a sudden the tv went to the was something i wont ever forget..

well this has been a very good day..and i am looking forward to another great day..
have a good night..

well another weekend ended...

this was me sometime last was another celebration probably a birthday..and this is how i have felt all day today..

well another rainy day has come and gone..and i didnt get to go walk..i didnt get to do anything as far as exercise with these legs i have..i think i wrapped them wrong yesterday and the fluid starting going places it shouldnt became very was hard for me to even walk right to be truthful i havent had them wrapped all evening..i didnt want to wrap them wrong again..

it is supposed to stop raining tomorrow and boy i hope it does..but i never like the sun either..hehe i guess when it comes to the weather iam just a spring and fall person..dont like it cold and dont like it hot..we didnt go anywhere legs were hurting and i didnt feel like getting out in this we were home all day and i ended up making dinner again..we had some that were left over from last night, but i made fresh mashed potatoes for my mom and whoever else was going to eat them..i did so well today..used to when i made mashed potatoes and mac and cheese, i would go back for seconds if i made enough..not tonight..i had eat my calories and that was it..i was done and nothing was going to be good enough to go back and ruin my calories ..i was surprised and pleased..

we had peas and cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes and mac and it was a good dinner..mine came to around 600 calories and i had 400 still as i was watching the country awards tonight i popped a bag of popcorn and ate came to about the amount i needed to get to 1300 ..i think i still had 75 to go was a good night..we had fun watching the awards felt weird with my sister being gone though..she usually watches with us but this weekend she is seeing sean..

well i am going to start another monday and hope it is a good one..i will be getting wrapped tomorrow and the rain will be stopping so it should be a good day..hope your monday is good too..

Saturday, April 17, 2010

a very rainy day..i wish it would go away..

these are just some pics i took last school..i like black and white was at wendys with our fav..manager for wendys..and my moms cousin who is the same age she is..we always enjoy visiting with her..the others are my family and me last year at school..

this has been a very cloudy and rainy day..a day where i almost let it affect my has been a lazy mom and brother and i slept most of the afternoon, and then didnt do much after that..we went and had a coke just to get out for the day..i had a double dip ice cream cone and it was good..i hadnt had a double dip for a long time, and i wont have another one for a long time again..normally i dont eat more than a single dip but i had plenty of calories and today i wanted it..i didnt need it but i wanted it..

we sat there and watched all the people eating french fries and cheeseburgers and banana splits..and all i kept thinking was wow the calories and the grease..thats alot..if people would only realize what they are really eating, they may not eat it all..

i sure dont like rainy days..i know we need the rain..but it just doesnt make me happens everytime it rains i seem to be gloomy..i want to walk and i cant because of the weather..and this rain is supposed to last til monday..yuk..

i guess tomorrow i will walk the ramp and do some strength exercises for my arms and waist..its hard to do anything with these castes on my legs..i just have to keep trying harder..we came home and i fixed our food..we had mashed potatoes and mac and cheese and sweet potatoes..i know alot of starch..iam trying to fix my mom soft foods she can eat..and my brother loves mac and we had a good dinner..i estimated it at 500..i still had that many calories left and i reached 1300 by the time i finished eating..

thank you all for all the nice comments i received last friend was just giving me his impression and i appreciate his honesty..i just have things i need to work on..i also appreciate all of you who enjoy my pictures and here is not what he was talking about..he thought i took too many pictures of myself and thought i was becoming too conceited..but i really am not..well i actually wrapped myself today..i was so excited to be able to do this brother was wiling to help if i needed it and i did need his help for a minute but i got it myself..whoohoo! i hope i dont have to do this forever though..and to answer any questions about is something that i may not have once i get all the weight wont be as bad anyway..sean had it too and now he is fine..

well this is another weekend and im ready to get to walking again..i hope i get too all have a wonderful sunday..

Friday, April 16, 2010

what is self esteem..?

the recent one is of me at 300 pounds like yesterday..whoohoo! and the one with the black hair is when i was at my highest at 356 pounds..and the one in blue is when i was getting ready to get married but didnt..and i was yea! for me..iam going down..

today i have been thinking alot about what self esteem is and what people consider to be vain..because i like to take pictures of myself, and i do admit i was taking too many of myself ..but because of this i am considered to be vain by a friend of mine..i went thru and cleaned out my pictures on myspace because of this and did notice i had many of me in the same pose just because i was bored..

i dont ever think of myself as being vain or concieted in any way, it hurt alot to hear this..but iam going to try and work on it..i like the camera a little too much i guess..but it made me very depressed today..and i could have went and ate the fridge like i would have before but not tonight..instead iam in here writing my blog and pouring out my feelings to all of you..i asked my friends on facebook about this and they are people who have known me my whole life..i really think they know me better than this person does ..and they said they have never known me to be this not trying to be vain..i dont want to give that impression to people..

i always thought of myself as having self esteem..but what is self esteem then..if you cant think highly of yourself then what is it..i have always known that i have a good personality..i like my personality..but im not vain in that way..i have had confidence in myself..not in my looks but me as a person..i know iam a smart person and iam proud of that..

iam a good person, and i care for very compassionate and i am a believer in christ...what else can you ask for..! i let this get to me and i shouldnt...he is my friend, and he was giving me his impression ..not always what others think..
iam just going to go on and try and be a better person thru all of this..i may not take as many pictures but i will do progress pictures of myself..after all God doesnt want us to be vain..He wants us to love ourselves but not be in love with ourself..hehe..

i guess i am doing better now..i feel better when i write this like this..iam so glad you all are out there to read it..even if it were just one or two of you i would be so happy to have your opinions..

this has been a rainy day and i didnt get to do any walking wraps came off and i have had a very hard time putting them back on, until sean came in and he wrapped me pretty tight..but i will survive..and i will survive this day my calories stayed in place..and iam going to get to 130.

have a good weekend everyone..

Thursday, April 15, 2010

wow i made it to my first goal..300

okay these are my legs today..there is a huge difference when you see them in person.. and this is me today at 300 and the other one was 317 ..i need to find me at 356..but iam getting smaller..

well the last two days have gone really therapy keeps me pretty busy and it does take time to do it..but iam sure glad im getting it done..i needed it a while back, but now i am doing it and loving it..

my legs are going down is so amazing to see it when i unwrap the legs and just look..i can see a normal ankle legs are taking shape and it is so cool..of course i take pictures everyday of what it looks like..i have to see for myself how it is coming along..i have been walking too the last well all week..i went a mile everyday til tonight, then tonight i thought hey i can do a little more i went a mile and a i not too slow getting faster again..soon i will doing 2 miles an hour..

i went and weighed today just to see how much fluid is actually leaving my legs..i am now officially 300 pounds..WOW i thought this isnt so..i couldnt believe it ..i havent been 300 since i was 30 years feels so good to see a lower number and to get excited over weight loss again..iam so pumped i could not even see myself going back and getting off this is too simple and i have come so far already, why would i want to go back to being more than 300 way..never ..iam focused and ready to go..eating 1300 calories just seems too easy and walking everyday is just a habit now..i couldnt go back anyway..i would feel too guilty because of all the bad habits i was getting into my whole NO i will always watch my calories and always find something to do to be active..its just me now..this is my new life and i plan on living it to the fullest and being a normal healthy weight, i will be able too...isnt it great to feel good about yourself..!

i was so excited to see 300 i started posting it on facebook and texting my friends and family..this was my first was so nice to be able to see had been so long since i was there..i was 27 when i was 290 and believe me i kept going up from there..i had just gotten off the podemin and had lost from 290 to 215 on that..well it didnt take me long to get back to 290 and this feels good..and now iam onto twoterville..yea!

well iam excited and flying high to see how much weight i actually lose with this fluid..i would love to have 20 pounds off with this fluid..wouldnt that be nice..hehe
iam so ready to be thin for once..i cant wait..
i hope you all have a wonderful friday..

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

well my fluid is leaving my body..


this has been a good day..i went to therapy this morning, i actually almost missed it because i fell asleep and just barely woke up in time..but i got there and they got me in, and we started unrolling my legs..there were two women who did the unrolling and it was amazing..i hadnt seen it this small in such a long almost shocked me..

i had to take a picture..just to remember iam posting it here..but it was good..the leg i was hoping would really get the fluid out has gone down but not like the other right leg is really bad and had such a huge lump on it ..i was always embarrassed about it...but not now..its gone down to nothing..iam sure hinders the walking for causes so much pain around my legs and besides looking awful it just iam so glad i am getting it done now...

they told me i would lose weight because of the fluid..well i went to weigh and of course i added the 2 castes..they had to be at least 10 pounds is what the therapists i got up on the scale and was i know 303 sounds like a lot ..but i hadnt seen 303 in a long time..probably since the time i had seen iam on my way to my first goal..300 and then under..i guess thats twoderland..hehe i want to go to onederland..hehe

these castes have been hurting tonight..but i went ahead and walked a mile anyway..i have to keep up with the walking or i will get out of practice and believe me ..i dont want to do that..iam a little faster, it only took me 10 minutes now to walk around the park once..last night it took 15 minutes for each that was cats are so faithful to me..they walk side by side with me and dont let me out of their sight..

i am so grateful for all of you commenting on my blog is so nice to think that so many people like hearing about how things are going for me..its a pretty awesome really helps me too..i can sit here and think about my day and how iam feeling about everything..i like that...and now that iam going to be a counselor it might not be a bad idea to do something like this..

iam so tired tonight..been tired alot today..these castes make it hard for me to drive my legs are wore out..i was trying to scratch my legs but i couldnt feel them..they were padded up so much it made it hard to get to i had to let it go..

i guess i better get to bed though right now..i have to be up early again in the morning..i hope you all have a good night..
the pictures are from today..

Monday, April 12, 2010

what a difference a day makes..!

these pictures of me tonight getting ready to go walk..and this is what my legs look like now..

today has been so totally different than yesterday was..our moods and our whole outlook on everything changed in one day..overnight, we all became the smiling and happy family we was before..i dont know what happened to everyone over the weekend, but we are all back to normal now..that feels nice..i like that feeling when everything is going good..

and this being a would think it would be a long awful day..i kept hearing everyone today say this is monday all day! ..yep it sure was..and it was a great monday..all day! i got up so early this morning would think i would be tired by now..but i have my second wind right head stopped hurting and were all doing well..i had to go to leg therapy today and get my legs iam in 2 castes and boy is it hard to do anything..i wasnt sure i could even drive with these things on..they are hard as rocks and they go all the way up to the knee..i guess they have to be this way..they are compression wraps so they are there to get the fluid out of the legs..but wow both at the same time..well we got it done and then we discovered i couldnt put my shoes i had to drive home in my socks..hehe actually the socks do better than the castes shoes i have on now..

but i am really having a hard time walking in them, and just trying to get my balance is really hard to do..but i have 3 weeks to do this so i had better get used to it..i will see in the morning how much fluid i lose in the beginning..that will be therapists told me i would lose alot weight with the fluid coming im shooting for 20 pounds..hehe wouldnt that be nice..

well i surprised myself tonight..i went out and walked a mile in these shoes..hehe joke ..but i did..i walked a whole mile in took me twice as long to get around here but i did hopefully i will get better at it before long..

this has been a very productive day..i am very glad i got up this morning and went to i have to do it all over again tomorrow..maybe tomorrow will be an even better calories dont ever seem to be a problem anymore..and my walking has become habit i know i am on my way to a brighter future..

hope you all have a good night..