i gained the weight back , but i have to get if off..

our fall weather is now turning into winter..

i know i keep going back and forth and i say one thing and end up doing another..its like i dont know what i am talking about or even care..like i am just talking and not meaning anything by it..well i do mean it..i just dont seem to know how to do it..or i am making it hard for me to do..i think that it is it..i am just making it hard..i mean sean did it and he made it the easiest thing in the world ..even though we know its not..but he lost it all in 2 years..i can do the same..i know i can i just have to be consistent thats the key..

i weighed today..oh my i weighed and wasnt too shocked just disappointed i guess..i weighed 322..i have gained back 26 pounds from when i had lost down to 296..i dont know what stopped me but something did..something stopped me bad ..cause i started to drink pop and didnt care about my calories anymore..and walking what was that..now when i go walk i will probably have to go back to a block the first time..i am just so disappointed in me..i could be closer to my goal by now and now i am starting over again..

well i have such great support on facebook and here..i know writing my blog everyday is something i need to do consistently as well..i need to be accountable for myself and for what i eat and drink..because drinking pop is the biggest addiction for me..i can leave some food alone but pop..let me at it...lol

today so far i have had 1130 calories ..i am at the calorie counting stage..i know i need to count carbs as well but i am going to make it as simple as possible and count my calories..i have had diet pop some not alot..and i will have water before the night is up..i ate roasted chicken ..what i ate with it is not the best in diet food but i am just counting calories so its how many calories i eat not what i eat that i am looking at today..

gaining this weight back just makes me feel like i am never going to get it off ..no matter how hard i try..but i cant feel like that..i cant give up on it..i know God is with me thru everything i do and everything that happens to me..and i know i have control over what i put into my mouth and how much i put into my mouth..so what i need to do is use the control i have and eat the right portions..its all portion control..its all mental how you think about it..if you can see yourself doing this then it will happen..but if you are around too much negative vibes you wont do this because you wont believe you can..

i believe i can now..i know i have too..i want too because i want to live..i want to see myself thin for once..i want my mamma to see me thin..my dad didnt get too but now i have a chance to show my momma what i would look like thin..i want to because i know i can do this and i want to do it..

i dont want to be full of talk..i dont want to be just a dreamer..i want this to be a realistic dream..my goal for right now is 2 pounds a week..i really think i can manage that goal ..and if i lose more then great but 2 pounds is what i am shooting for..i am going to walk or do some sort of exercise ..right now its so cold i cant seem to get out and walk..plus its raining..i want my legs to get better and stop swelling up everyday..since i gained the weight my legs have really swollen up and somedays i cant even put my shoes on..so i want that to go away..i want to be healthy..im too young to not be healthy..

im going to do this and do it for me..thats why i want to do it..for me!
thank you all for supporting me thru this..
think good thoughts..
kelli