Monday, October 11, 2010

i feel fat..



me when i was 15 and me and sean with my dad when we were little..

i really feel fat today..i feel like i have gained all my weight back and now i have to start all over again..i just dont know how to keep doing this..i feel lost right now..everyone i know has been trying their hardest to get me back on track ..nobody wants me to die..i dont want too either, but i just dont know how to do this..i feel so lost..like i have wandered into the woods instead of being on the main highway to weightloss central....lol

i have been off the pop today..dont think i did badly on the calories but i dont think i did extremely well..i didnt walk and walking seems to be the hardest thing for me to do right now..i dont know why..i was really going after it for a while..and now i cant walk without my legs swelling really badly and hurting just to walk..i dont even feel like doing these blogs much anymore..i think i have really hit bottom on this and i dont know how to get back up..i really have too ..i keep remembering my doctor told me i had no choice..that if i didnt do something now i wouldnt be here when i am fifty.. well 50 is not too far away..i really just have to do this..i have to start watching the calories and not making this such a mountain..

im just tired and i just dont know how to keep going ..even though i know i have to keep going..i did go to the doctor a couple of weeks ago..he did some blood tests and they came up that i am anemic and have to take iron and a vitamin..he didnt know what was causing the blood in the urine but it has stopped now..so i am not sure myself either..thank you all for the concern..

i hope you have a good monday..
kelli

5 comments:

  1. hugs kelli, spend some time in the actual woods with your bible. Get clear in your mind.
    talk to God.
    We can yammer yammer yammer, but God can speak to your spirit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, Kelli, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. I am heading out for my run and that's when I pray for people. You will be one of them. Sometimes we just have these "no mojo" times in our lives. That's when others need to lift us up. I will be lifting you up in prayer.

    Hugs,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  3. Praying for you girl. Don't give up on yourself, ok?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kelli, I got an early morning phone call telling me my second cousin Robin is 3 months pregnant with her first child- she will be 45 in February and just got married for the first time last November. I was thinking about you and how you hope to have a family of your own. Don't give up- you can do it!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it.

    No matter what you have eaten today, start making those good choices starting now. Remember one piece of pizza will always have fewer calories than two. If pop is your trigger than you must give it up permanently, like an alcholic must not ever imbibe or risk going back to his life of hell.

    I want you to suceed! Do what you must to get that life you want. You can do this.

    ReplyDelete