Thursday, September 16, 2010

im not sure why i am not trying as hard as i should!


i made this of my nephew sean today..he is amazing..going from 505 to 234 is a miricle..and God allowed him to do it..

i know the title sounds like a statement..and it is actually..its the main point for this blog tonight..im just not sure why iam not giving it my all..why am i staying at this weight and even gaining back up to 300..why arent i excited about losing and keep going..i keep thinking i will get right back on track and then i dont..and i talk about it everytime i write a blog..i feel like i am being a big talker and not a doer..

i dont like to just talk, i never have liked it when people just talked about what they were going to do all the time..i actually would rather just do and not talk about it at all..in fact it took me along time to start writing this blog because i just didnt think it would help me..why would writing my feelings down help me lose weight..well i think mentally it does help ..it helps me to understand where iam at in my mind, and what is going on to get me where i need to be..

tonight i just didnt walk..i made the choice to not do it and i didnt do it..i didnt drink my water and i didnt watch the calories..i am finding myself right back in the same boat i was before i started losing..i am seeing myself being stressed and my mentality is just i am not caring ..even though i do care it certainly looks like i dont by the way i am doing things right now..i guess i am just really stressed...

i have got to do this..i have to for me ..for my health..i cant just stop because i feel like it..this is a life or death situation for me..my walking is a life or death situation for me...so i will have to get this into my head that its not that hard..just walk and drink water and 1300 calories..thats all its really simple..so how come i cant see it as clearly as i did before..i need some help with this..i just cant do it by myself...

enjoy the night..
kelli

7 comments:

  1. Kelli, the only thing I ever saw that was wrong with your mentality was the idea that once you got to goal weight you would find a boyfriend...or that your life would somehow change drastically. You will be you, but smaller.
    Maybe as you lost weight you realized that most of your life was the same, that not much had changed..(except your physical limitations had lessened)
    You have to want your life to be different and then believe that you can change it. Hopelessness is a momentum killer. You seem to be stuck in a kind of rut with your job and your life. I am not saying you don't like parts of your life, but you have to shake up some major things to get moving. The biggest thing is your job. You need a new one. If you could shake things up on that front, it might break you out of your mental rut. write down what you hope to get from losing weight....
    big clue..number one is feel better.
    number two is do more.
    A smaller body is a guarantor of health and fitness, not a relationship.
    You could find that now.
    You do by doing.
    What are you saying in your mind, as you don't walk and you don't drink and you don't eat right.
    You have a tape playing...it is telling you what your brain perceives to be the truth.
    fix that tape and you fix the problem.
    Big hugs kelli...I know you can do this.

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  2. kelli, i can send you a link for my diet plan that i'm on. its menus for about 4 weeks. its a 1500 cal a day deal but easy to modify down. its balanced and the food is good... though you will cook more. still the recipes are good. you know its easy to get apathetic. i'm kinda there myself. and i'm not doing everything you are. i find myself sliding here. i guess i should get out my labwork. that DOES make it more real. everything except my blood sugar and A1C was good. then i got my c reactive protein. normal is 1 or lower. 3 is considered high. mine is an 8. crp is one of the predictors of heart disease. it measures inflammation in your body. inflammation is the underlying contributor to many major illnesses. diabetes, heart disease and cancer to name a few. you have the head knowledge. tellya what. you let me know if you want that link and i'll send it. i'll pray for you and you pray for me. we can say it all we want, but the REALITY is, it IS life or death. so what are we gonna choose? it also goes to self love. i'm not feelin real loving towards myself right now. so even though i KNOW i NEED to do this, i'm slipping. yep, i'm stressed too. for a myriad of reasons. do i give up or keep striving. one of the things my coach says is "win the day". make that your focus... one day at a time. win the day. win the breakfast, win the lunch, win the supper and snacks in between. win the water. win the exercise. love yourself (you deserve it). and so do i. i'll begin again tomorrow. will you? love you, tami p.s. i really like what the lady above has to say. it makes sense. thank you to her from me.

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  3. Kelli---You can do this. Chris's comment, spot on true---she speaks the very truth, some core principles that have enabled me to have this kind of weight loss.
    Change the tape. Read my Day 327, please---it's all about that.
    I love you. One thing I've learned is, you have to eat what you like---giving you set menus for four weeks doesn't address the issues with food. That's why pre-set menus and meal replacement plans do not work long term. It's a temporary fix, at best. Make your battle less about what's on the plate, and more about what's in your head---and you will happily and confidently run toward your weight loss goals...You simply will not be able to avoid your success.

    I love you sis, always...

    And, no offense to "anonymous" on the menus deal---but really, I'm right. Been there, done that...analyzed it and discovered why it isn't a good idea. Need to know more? It's all in the blog.

    I hope that wasn't too bullishly bold, you know I'm not like that normally---I just love and care about you Kelli---and it hurts to see you struggle. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon...if you're at work, I'll come by. We'll talk. Smile for me sis...it's going to be alright. I'm here for you! Always,

    Love
    Sean

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  4. My best Tami, I know your intention is to help...We all care about Kelli. Thank you, and again---didn't mean to come off so bold.

    Forgive,

    Thank you!
    Sean

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  5. I think you speak for everyone on this journey, Kelli. We've all been there again and again. It's the reality of the process. It's hard. It was a lot more fun and a lot easier getting in the shape we're in than to get to the one we want. If we "want" chocolate, we can have immediate gratification. If we want a new blouse, again, immediate gratification. If we want a new car, it's there to be had. Now we want this, and THIS takes time...there's no immediate gratification...success comes by the ounce, but we're measuring our success in our heads, telling ourselves we're not successful unless we're "done". We want to be at the end of this battle, all the pounds gone, NOW. Take a step back and realize how far you've come. Pat yourself on the back for the changes you've made so far. True, there are more to be made, but when you get to where there's this swirl of hopelessness and doubt, don't give up. Think of where you were a year ago, 5 years ago, whatever benchmark it takes, and commend yourself on the improvements you've made and your accomplishments. Take a deep breath and do a little more. You're not alone in this.

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  6. Hi Kelli,
    It's such a hard journey and so much of it is mental. I have recently found my way back to a place of being excited about, and having fun, losing weight. For me, I realize that I was being too hard on myself. I would get it in my head that I had to lose weight fast! Which meant hours of exercise and being very restrictive with my diet.

    Maybe you should write, just start writing about how you feel, if you're afraid, what you're afraid of. Just try to get it all out and see if you can find some answers there!

    Also, maybe you could commit to making one change this week. And build on that to make it more manageable!

    You are not alone! I have been where you are, but know that you can crawl back out to the other side, one small change at time!!!

    Good luck!!!

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  7. I'm stealing your scrap booking page idea for myself!!! Thanks Kelli.

    Can you read my entry called Learning from Elephants? Picture that story when you think it's just too hard.

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