Tuesday, September 14, 2010

today is today..a new day for us all

well these are alot of the past family pictures..i had auburn hair when i was in my teens of course i colored it that way..but i wanted to be a model and this is one of my headshots back then..then we have amber and courtney when they were small..seans kids..and then me again after a few years..i was big and still am just not as big..
still a nice person though..

i haven't written in a few days..i have been busy working and busy visiting with my friends..last night i went through my old pictures and found tons of them..so you will probably be seeing some on seans blog as well as mine..i keep these pictures for the memories of all our family..we dont need to dwell on the past but enjoy thinking back with fond memories of the past..of course in these pictures sean and i are both heavy and it will be fun to see what we look like slim..of course sean is finding out now what thats like and that is why he likes to see the pictures so much..

i know what he is going through there..he has changed his whole life and he likes to look back and see where he came from and how he got there..believe me he never used to like to take pictures..i fact my whole family was and is like that..but i like to preserve the memories for everyone..im a family photographer..an historian..

but i really wish it was as easy for me to lose weight as it is to take a picture..boy would i be small..hehe but i guess sometimes the things that are the hardest for us to do mean the most when we get them done..i know when i have all my weight off, this will be the biggest accomplishment in my life..second is getting my degree..2 big things and i am trying to make it happen at the same time..wow that will be a lot of pictures..lol

i am not sure why i have been putting off walking..i know walking makes me feel better and i know without it i will not lose the weight..i truly think you have to do all 3 together to lose ..you have to watch your calories and your carbs and you have to drink your water..and you have to exercise..whether your walking or do some cardio ..you have to do it..and you have to be consistent with it..if you want results you have to put the effort out there...so now why am i not doing this..?

i keep talking everyday that i am going to walk..i am going to drink my water and everyday i mess it up..i dont consistently do it at least right now im not..i know stress can play a major role in weightloss or weight gain..i know it has for me..right now i am trying to look for a full time job in an economy where the jobs are not around..i have 2 weeks to find a job ..it doesnt even matter to me now if its a good job or just a job..because in 2 weeks i will be out of a job and i know i will be more stressed than i am now...
i am doing pretty good being around these candy bars all day..at least i dont sit here and eat them all day long..boy that would make me sick..well i have had plenty of calories already because i did something i dont like ..i went and got a dr.pepper..to take with me to work..i knew i did something i wasnt supposed to do but there was the rebellion side coming out and in my own mind it was saying well if people like you they can like you fat..you dont have to do without all the stuff you enjoy just to please others...have we all heard that voice..the one we would like to slap everytime it opens its big trap..hehe

well i let it talk today and now i wish i hadnt..it added 400 calories to my food bank and i didnt want that...but now i know enough to not listen to it when it tries to tell me its okay ..because really im doing this for me and my health..and i need to do it..so that voice is going to have be on my side or else it just better be still..hehe

i am hoping i will walk tonight before i get off of work..i can walk in front of the stand and i think i will..it feels pretty good today so it wont be too hot..i am going to get some water down me too..i dont know how much but i am going to drink some..today is a good day mentally its a good day..and i am very aware of what i did wrong to mess my calories up so now i will just try and keep going and do the best i can for the rest of the day.

enjoy the evening


  1. "But there was the rebellion side coming out and in my own mind it was saying well if people like you they can like you fat..you dont have to do without all the stuff you enjoy just to please others...have we all heard that voice..the one we would like to slap everytime it opens its big trap."

    Kelli, my dear sis---Listen---when you tell yourself that people can just "like you fat," you're rationalizing bad choices. This journey isn't for anyone else---we love you regardless, always. This journey is for you my dear Aunt. And you know, that if you're looking at this as "giving up things you like," then it sounds like you're fighting the wrong battle. We're not battling the food--we're battling ourselves, we're battling that inner voice that tries hard to make us feel better about bad choices. Self-honesty is key. When you have the thought of "People are just gonna have to like me fat," you're focusing an energy on a problem that doesn't exist in reality. It's a way to feel some anger and resentment toward something or someone else---real or imagined, the bottom line is very simple. WE ARE THE ONES Kelli---We're the only ones that can do this for ourselves and we're the only ones we should be doing it for...If we take care of ourselves--our life will dramatically change for the better. Please read the Ralph Marston piece on my current blog---and go back a couple and read the entry titled "The Wrong Battle." Seriously read it Kelli---and again...

    On a lighter note---

    I love you dearly! And I want this for you badly---I want you to feel the freedom---and be free from the constant struggle. It is possible.

    OK--that wasn't necessarily lighter---
    Uh--OK---Yes, pictures!!!!! I'm so grateful to you for being that picture taker and family historian...You're excellent at it all!!!! Thank you!!! And I love you dearly---I'm so sorry I didn't get a chance to see you yesterday---I'll see you this weekend for sure, ok??? I love you Kelli---hang in there. Please go read those two things. Please---sis, like right now...;)

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. It was a duplicate post...I erased the extra one...said the same thing. Love you!