Wednesday, September 8, 2010

what am i doing to myself..?

its raining cats and dogs here today too..!

i just dont get it..i dont know why i get up wanting to do well and starting out good..and then by the end of the day i have done something to lose control of my focus..i dont know i not wanting to get this off ? am i subconsciously not wanting to lose weight..? i sure hope not..cause i know on the outside i want too..consciously i need too, and i want too...i have so much support from my friends and my family..why do i keep doing this to myself..

i got up today and wanted to do good..i didnt have any sleep last night..i slept from 130 to 330 am and never again after that..i have jumpy legs and they hurt like everything especially at night and with this weather we are having it just keeps hurting..i wanted to walk this morning but it was raining and it hadnt stopped yet..were supposed to be getting 4 to 5 inches before the night is through...

but i got up and ate an atkins bar in fact i had two of them today..not a good start...but then we went to taco mayo and my sister and i ate the platter ..i know we didnt have an over abundance of calories in this but i did something i wish i hadnt done now..i got reg. pop in fact i got dr.pepper..not good..really not good.

look at all the empty calories i just had..thats why i say why do i keep doing this to myself..why am i making it so hard for myself to lose weight..? why cant i get my focus back..i want to lose this weight but it looks like i dont..and sometimes i wonder if i i so scared that nothing is going to change when i lose the weight that i wont do i scared of how big a change it will be..? am i just so hurt that people wont go out with me this way but boy wait til i lose weight and they will line up at the door..i dont think so but it could happen..hehe

is this the reason i am making it worse for myself...? i really dont know..i get up with good intentions and go to bed without my focus..something has got to change..

be safe..


  1. I do sympathise with you, I think we all have been there. I personally believe that this weight loss journey is so much about mindset than anything else. Sending positive thoughts your way. Martine

  2. We all can relate to this Kelli. I call it the "crazy cycle" and I was living it for years. How do we finally get off and get consistent about changing our lifestyle? If any of us knew the answers, we'd be rich and famous!

  3. That's true, Dawne, but I also believe planning ahead is the key. For me knowing what to buy, and to cook at home and take when I'm not able to eat at home really keeps me focusing!! I am leaving soon to spend the day working 80 miles away and I have my cooler packed. I freeze my reusuable water bottles and pack plenty of ice packs since it's still very HOT here.

  4. Oh Kelli... {{{hugs!}}}

    I sympathize... I understand... I've BEEN there. But I'll do one better. I'll recommend you go to your library and check out Dr Phils book: The Ultimate Weight Solution. I'm not saying read the whole book.

    But please at least read the parts about INSTINCTUAL DRIFT. It explains EXACTLY what you are going through, and what to do about it. Really, it does.

    That bit of knowledge has helped me SO MUCH in those types of situations.

    In a nutshell: we are learning new ways, right? But under stress and pressure we tend to drift back into the old ways that are so ingrained into us, that are so a part of us, they are instinctual for us to use under pressure.

    I'm sure I am not explaining it as well as his book! But I know for a fact that this knowledge can arm you with the power to be aware and get on top of it. He doesn't just yammer about a topic, but gives action-oriented solutions, simple and doable.

    Don't beat yourself up, and second guess yourself. Of COURSE you still want to lose, Kelli. There is no big mystery here. You are doing so well, you just hit "the wall" that Chris just talked about in her last post. :-)

    I know you can do this. And this is just an action-oriented suggestion to help you get there! :-)