Wednesday, September 8, 2010
what am i doing to myself..?
its raining cats and dogs here today too..!
i just dont get it..i dont know why i get up wanting to do well and starting out good..and then by the end of the day i have done something to lose control of my focus..i dont know why..am i not wanting to get this off ? am i subconsciously not wanting to lose weight..? i sure hope not..cause i know on the outside i want too..consciously i need too, and i want too...i have so much support from my friends and my family..why do i keep doing this to myself..
i got up today and wanted to do good..i didnt have any sleep last night..i slept from 130 to 330 am and never again after that..i have jumpy legs and they hurt like everything especially at night and with this weather we are having it just keeps hurting..i wanted to walk this morning but it was raining and it hadnt stopped yet..were supposed to be getting 4 to 5 inches before the night is through...
but i got up and ate an atkins bar in fact i had two of them today..not a good start...but then we went to taco mayo and my sister and i ate the platter ..i know we didnt have an over abundance of calories in this but i did something i wish i hadnt done now..i got reg. pop in fact i got dr.pepper..not good..really not good.
look at all the empty calories i just had..thats why i say why do i keep doing this to myself..why am i making it so hard for myself to lose weight..? why cant i get my focus back..i want to lose this weight but it looks like i dont..and sometimes i wonder if i do..am i so scared that nothing is going to change when i lose the weight that i wont do it..am i scared of how big a change it will be..? am i just so hurt that people wont go out with me this way but boy wait til i lose weight and they will line up at the door..i dont think so but it could happen..hehe
is this the reason i am making it worse for myself...? i really dont know..i get up with good intentions and go to bed without my focus..something has got to change..