Thursday, July 22, 2010
well im trying to come back..
am i ever going to get this weight off..?
okay i know im supposed to do this everyday..it is supposed to keep me accountable for how much i eat right? well i have to do this from now on..cause i can see right now i cant seem to keep myself accountable without it..i havent watched the calories lately..oh i watched them go into my mouth..but watching how much i eat hasnt been a big thing lately..and i dont know why..i think maybe i am still not feeling my best yet..and i have just been so depressed about not ever having anyone in my life..one of my friends is now getting married and still being rejected by my friend whom i care so much for..but i should know better than that anyway..im just tired i guess..and the way i feel right now..i just dont care ..iam trying to get back to walking and watching everything..but right now i just am at the point i dont care..i need to get back on my water today..i know i felt better when i was drinking water..but for some reason i havent been drinking any for three days now..i havent walked in a week..and i am finding myself looking heavier again..i hate it and i dont want to be there again..i want to get this weight off and get back to feeling good..im just not sure how to do it anymore..im tired ..
im up early because i took my friend to the mechanics and now i have to pick him up later..i really care for this guy and we used to be engaged ..but now were friends and most of the time its okay.but for some reason now i just want to be more and he doesnt..i guess i cant force it with him but im sure tired of being single all the time..i just feel like im never getting married even if i got thin..and what does that tell ya anyway..that i have to be thin to be attractive..i dont think so! i think im attractive now..i always thought i was a pretty lady..just a heavy lady..but i know i need to do this for my health ..and reality shows that people need to be attracted to you before they can get to know you..so i guess i need to get it off..but i need it for me first..i dont want the pain again..i dont want the bad legs again..i know i need to start walking and really watch the calories..i have too..im just tired..and feeling depressed..
well im going to try and walk today and drink my water.. and watch all my calories..i have too if i want to get going again..my sister bought a used stationary bike last night and she is really doing well with that and her water..she is rockin the water..im so glad she is..now i have to get better with it again..so wish me luck tryin to get started again..have a good day!