Thursday, July 22, 2010

well im trying to come back..


am i ever going to get this weight off..?

okay i know im supposed to do this everyday..it is supposed to keep me accountable for how much i eat right? well i have to do this from now on..cause i can see right now i cant seem to keep myself accountable without it..i havent watched the calories lately..oh i watched them go into my mouth..but watching how much i eat hasnt been a big thing lately..and i dont know why..i think maybe i am still not feeling my best yet..and i have just been so depressed about not ever having anyone in my life..one of my friends is now getting married and still being rejected by my friend whom i care so much for..but i should know better than that anyway..im just tired i guess..and the way i feel right now..i just dont care ..iam trying to get back to walking and watching everything..but right now i just am at the point i dont care..i need to get back on my water today..i know i felt better when i was drinking water..but for some reason i havent been drinking any for three days now..i havent walked in a week..and i am finding myself looking heavier again..i hate it and i dont want to be there again..i want to get this weight off and get back to feeling good..im just not sure how to do it anymore..im tired ..

im up early because i took my friend to the mechanics and now i have to pick him up later..i really care for this guy and we used to be engaged ..but now were friends and most of the time its okay.but for some reason now i just want to be more and he doesnt..i guess i cant force it with him but im sure tired of being single all the time..i just feel like im never getting married even if i got thin..and what does that tell ya anyway..that i have to be thin to be attractive..i dont think so! i think im attractive now..i always thought i was a pretty lady..just a heavy lady..but i know i need to do this for my health ..and reality shows that people need to be attracted to you before they can get to know you..so i guess i need to get it off..but i need it for me first..i dont want the pain again..i dont want the bad legs again..i know i need to start walking and really watch the calories..i have too..im just tired..and feeling depressed..

well im going to try and walk today and drink my water.. and watch all my calories..i have too if i want to get going again..my sister bought a used stationary bike last night and she is really doing well with that and her water..she is rockin the water..im so glad she is..now i have to get better with it again..so wish me luck tryin to get started again..have a good day!

loveya all
kelli

9 comments:

  1. Kelli, have you tried to get out to meet some new people? Maybe start going to the Y or join a walking group or something. Sounds like you need some new friends and some kind of diversion so you can get out of your head for awhile.

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  2. Don't make me come over there!
    JoAnn is right, you need to put yourself into new situations and meet new people. It's hard, I know.

    Drink your water! That isn't hard. I'll do it with you.
    Go walking! I'll do that along with you too.

    There are a lot of people here who are really cheering you on, so don't feel like you are alone or doing this alone. You're not.

    I want to tell you to stop worrying about being single, but I know that doesn't help. What does help is to learn to love who you are - as you are.
    Our society tends to make single people feel like they are less than deserving, that there must be something wrong with you because you are single. God forbid that you should be single AND not have any children. Might as well just pack it up, cuz you got no reason to exist at all.
    Ha! I say!
    You have so much to offer to the people around you. It doesn't matter if you have a partner or not to someone who needs your help and your love.

    From experience I can tell you that there are much worse things than being alone. Being single and unhappy is a situation that you can change simply by changing your attitude.
    Being married and unhappy - not so easy.

    God has put you here just the way you are for a reason. Have faith that He'll see you through whatever it is He wants you to do.
    You can do this.

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  3. Kelli -

    My prediction is that as soon as you really start enjoying the fact that you are a single person, you will meet someone.

    You have a lot of things going for you and it will happen. You have to work on your health and your weight loss just for yourself, not on the promise you will meet someone. That is how you will be successful.

    I love the black and white pic of you - you look terrific!

    Good thoughts

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  4. Kelli,
    So many of us have felt like this. It sounds to me like your self worth is based on a relationship, someone finding you beautiful and wanting you. BUT...you are worth so much more than that. Become healthy for you, but your self worth will NEVER be equated to a number, big or small. Find worth in yourself today, right now because others do...in real life and in blog world.

    I'm rooting for you Kelli.

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  5. You have a multitude of friends, family, and total strangers rooting for you. We're in this together. Take care of Kelli right now and the rest will come. Set your sights on the peaks and get out of this valley! You CAN do it! You know you want it!

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  6. Hi, I am now following your blog. I am on a weight loss journey as well. I think you are beautiful! Hope you can come by and check out my blogs. I have 2, one is about living in Tx and raising a family, the other is about having a child with autism. :)

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  7. {{{{ Hugging Kelli }}}}}

    I know you know this... so it's just a reminder: these feelings come and go... and feelings aren't facts. It will get better, it really will, if you'll just do simple basics that will keep you physically stable. Like drinking water. Getting enough sleep. A little walking.

    We ALL go through rough patches. And we hang in there, regardless of how we feel... and in a few days the sun comes out in our soul, and it gets better again. :-)

    Dawne said some very wise things to you... about your sense of worth not needing to be tied in with another person.

    And guess what? When Lori Ann said: "My prediction is that as soon as you really start enjoying the fact that you are a single person, you will meet someone."... I blurted right out loud: That's what happened to ME, exactly!!

    You know what to do.. you really do. Just never quit... these feelings are only temporary. Let no one or no situation--even your own feelings-- take this from you.

    I know you will be okay, cuz you just have too many people cheering you on!! Yaaayyy Kelli!!

    Now get a good night's sleep, girlfriend, and that will help a lot!!

    Loretta
    =^..^=

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  8. Kell,
    Remember that APART from all the other stuff, you are doing this for YOU! You are WORTH IT.
    REMEMBER HOW MUCH BETTER YOU FEEL NOW.
    Hang in there hon...adn tomorrow, walk whether you feel like it or not.
    When you do that.
    You feel powerful.
    You need that.
    I am cheering for you.

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  9. Greg has loved me at my thinest and even more at my thickest. Even in disability he has loved and cared for me like no other person has ever done before.

    I know there is someone for you too, it took me a few tries, but, you will know when they accept you for your inner beauty, precious heart and giving spirit.

    Ok...manopausal moment..gottta go.

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