Sunday, June 6, 2010

im tired of the tears ..



this is me today with my hair up when i wasnt all teary eyed..and the sunset tonight where i was working at..

i have had a week of emotions and i dont know why..i am getting ready to turn 42 in 3 weeks and for some reason this year is really bothering me..im tired of the tears everyday..i tear up and feel like iam going to cry and then i get a customer..it happens every evening at work ..i guess i am thinking too much...im thinking about why am i not married and why dont i have kids..why am i single and feeling like iam going to be single forever..

i cry to my fb friends and i whine and really no one wants to hear me whine..i know one person who hates it so i better just stop it altogether..i really think its my hormones that is doing this to me..i just hate being a girl sometimes..it would be nice to not have to go through all this mess..

i did pretty good today..i ate 1300 calories and drank 48 ounces of water...i didnt walk again..i had to go to walmart after work so i walked all around walmart..they are remodeling the store so you cant find a thing..so i guess that counts..anyway i will walk tomorrow...i bought a new heart rate monitor that i wear on my arm..since the bodybugg is just a dream..i could barely afford the heart rate watch..it will tell me how many calories i am burning...thats what i wanted..well my hair is now getting longer..long enough to put up now..so i did today..and i liked it..

i better get to bed..i have church in the morning..have a good sunday!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI

5 comments:

  1. You'll get there kelli. Just put your energy into what you can control and the rest willl follow. HUgs to you hon. feel better.

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  2. Kelli,

    I have read this from you for a couple of days now and I need to let you know what my gut response is from my neck of the woods. I just turned 42 in April. I have a 17yr old and a 14 yr old who refuse to do their chores or homework and we are mainly just happy they bathe semi regularly. I am a chauffeur, maid, Laundry attendant, bank roll. Right now its totally normal for my teens to be self absorbed but I am really tired of taking care of them and then being disrespected in small ways. Most of the time they are so stuck in their own teen drama they don't even realize how hurtful they sound to me. Add to that a hubby who has cheated and prolly will again, one who is a good step daddy to the kids and one that helps my mom and you see me...

    stuck being leeched off by 3 personalities in my family that cause so much work and dismiss me so much I often feel like shel sivlersteins "the giving tree" when she is just a stump and has no more else to give.

    I am in no way discounting your situation at ALL... but want you to see the other side of the fence green grass, dead grass patches and all... be careful what you wish for ..

    a husband and kids does not equal being loved.
    the hubby will do ... what he does
    the kids will do what is appropriate for their age ( and they do grow up quickly into snotty teens) and you as the wife and mother would have NO time for yourself or to work on yourself. You would have to fight your family and feel guilty when you left to work out no matter how supportive they are. You would have to cook for them and not be able to focus on your journey near as much.

    When you are ready woman, wonderful things will happen for you.

    I love my family, and I hope deep down they mostly love me. But having the family is a LOT of HARD work and at times a mixed blessing.

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  3. Kelli, I agree with the post above. A husband and children do not guarantee happiness.

    It probably is a hormonal thing, but you should count your blessings of family, friends, home, church family, health, job, and on and on. From time to time I have to do this myself and get a grip on my negativity.

    Just focus on being healthy and putting good things into your body. And on making your body move more. You are doing great!

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  4. Kelli, all I can say is, some of the best years of my life were the ones when there wasn't a man in it, and having children was great, but even they brought a whole host of problems with them, some of which still cause me a lot of heart-ache.

    You sound like such a giving, considerate, loving person. You'd make a great partner for someone, but until that happens carry on with living the good life that you do. A partner doesn't complete us - sometimes it's difficult fitting them in to our lifestyle! (I am finding this..)

    You are inspirational - such a hard worker and so dedicated to your weight-loss plan. I really admire that. Just weigh up all the good things you have got going for you...and dry those tears. x x

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