this is the way i feel right now..like nothing is gonna ever happen..
today had been a good day..nothing out of the ordinary..pretty much like everyday..but i went to work this evening and decided since i was just sitting around..that this wasnt getting me anywhere..so i thought okay..i can get up and walk in place ..any movement is better than none..so i did and i actually did a mile and some exercises for my waist and legs and arms..all at the same time..it wasnt a busy day as usual and i needed something to do..i am always caught up with work there so i thought exercise would be the best thing..and it was..
it would have been a average day except for my emotions tonight..iam noticing how emotional i get after something happens that ends up hurting me..i did well though considering i could have eaten a snocone with the works but i didnt..i didnt eat anything while i was at work..in fact while i was at work i had only had 810 calories at that time and still needed to get to 1200 at least..and even now i havent gotten there..im close but not yet..i left work closed it down and was going home and decided i needed yogurt..so here is the ice cream..except its yogurt so its not as bad..but i am thinking here ..everytime something happens to me..whether my heart gets broken or something else i turn to ice cream..i always have ..i knew i had the calories and i needed something to eat..but i should have gotten something more nutritious and not a comfort food like i did..but iam now looking at it and seeing how anytime i hurt, i need comfort and that is the chocolate..it goes all the way back to when i was a kid..i always needed chocolate..i even sucked my thumb til i was 12 because i was bored and thought of my thumb as chocolate..i really did, sounds silly i know but i used to imagine it being a chocolate thumb..hehe
iam trying to use my judgment and eat when i need to and not when i feel bad..i dont want to be an emotional eater..you never know what your eating when your like that..you just eat because something inside you is hurting..but tonight i caught myself after that and came home and walked..i did another mile around my home and it was hot..i did it in 22 minutes..so i was moving pretty fast..so even though i ate the yogurt..i still worked it off..i have done 2 miles tonight and about an hour of exercise today..i drank 6 glasses of water and ate 1180 calories altogether..so really i didnt do badly..its just seeing what brings the onset of junk food on for me..is just starting to sink into my head..i think its important to know what brings these things on and try our best to steer away from it the next time..i know i am always going to have a problem of some sort that will make me wanna eat ..but maybe next time i will be able to see it ahead of time and realize that food doesnt do me any favors in the long run...we have to eat..but we dont have to live to eat..
my uncle always told us in my family how we always lived to eat and he always eat to live..he was 5 foot 8 and 110 pounds and couldnt gain a pound if he tried..and sometimes he tried really hard to gain a pound and we would always gain it with him..he lived with us and he was always cooking omelets, probably where sean got the omelet making from...he was good at it..but he would always get on to me and slap my hand if i tried to get into the fridge when i didnt need too..he would say you dont need that..but uncle jim im hungry..no your not..you need to lose some weight not gain it..he was a good uncle and probably my favorite..but it was my fridge and he wouldnt let me in it..hehe
i know he would be proud of sean and i and susie now ..he is gone and has been since i was 23..but he was a good uncle..i want to get to that place where i just eat to live instead of live to eat..i know i will someday soon..but i have along way to go..i think i did good tonight though..i was upset and instead of eating the house down, i went out and walked..a better solution..i will be better tomorrow and have an even better day..hope you all do too..
goodnight and GOD BLESS YOU
KELLI
It's hard to believe it's been 17 years since we lost our Uncle Jimmy. He was such a good man, he was. And his no-nonsense straight forward advice seemed harsh at times, but I know now---He was so right, and his number one motivation was his love for us. Yes---I got the omelet thing from him---fond memories indeed. I can hear him now---"You have to eat to live, not live to eat," it was his favorite mantra.
ReplyDeleteWe're getting it Kelli---and Uncle Jimmy would be so proud and happy.
I'm proud of you---I do wish you would remember what we talked about earlier this year---about focus. You deserve the very best Kelli, and you'll have it--but you must focus on you. Embrace yourself---and the rest will fall into place.
I love you sis,
Sean
Kelli, if you can be aware of the emotional eating, and do not give in to it, you are going to be fine! It is not easy, but by recognizing it and trying to do something else instead of give in to it is a HUGE step in the right direction.
ReplyDeletebeing aware is the BIGGEST step.
ReplyDeleteonce you know something you can't unknow it.
Now it's just catching it.
Good job.
They (above) are right. If you have become aware of this behavior you are on the road to being able to rein it in when emotions get the better of you. It takes a while, though, so don't be too hard on yourself.
ReplyDeleteWe are always learning and trying.
Margie M. writes at:
www.myhealthylivingthruweightcontrol.blogspot.com