Saturday, August 7, 2010
i messed up today..
okay these pictures are of me 3 years ago the day before my dad died..my dad doing what he liked to do best sitting in his chair watching westerns..my mom just recently.. and my moms parents..my grandma and grandpa..
boy did i mess up today..i am going to have to quit going thru the drive thru..i cant do this anymore..i messed up so bad today..but i am not going to let it stop me..i wont mess up tomorrow..this will just be a day off i guess..cause i dont even want to say how many calories i think i just ate..
what it is ..i went to braums right before i came to work..now really i wasnt hungry but i was getting something to go for later and ended up eating it now..at least half of it..im saving the other half for later..but i got a combo meal with med.fries and a drink..real dr.pepper..i know i cant go back to that..and i got a 1/3 pounder..the big sandwich..if that wasnt enough..i wanted ice cream so i got a peanut butter cup mix..loaded with calories...im sure its loaded..so now i am here at work where i know i am not going to burn enough calories to eat this..but i did anyway..i ate it and it wasnt that good..not when i know it was loaded with calories and sugar..just not the good tastes it used to have when i didnt care what it had in it or how many calories it was..and today i acted the same way..like i didnt care ..just ordered it and went..
well that is going to stop..i cant do that and expect to get anything off..no more pop and no more ice cream and no more burgers for me..none..i cant do this ..i cant keep lying to myself and say im doing it if i keep going thru the window and getting ice cream and burgers...and why do i keep doing this anyway..? am i depressed because i cant walk outside..? am i depressed because my knees are giving me pain and i cant walk as good as i did..? i dont know maybe i am..maybe i dont feel like i can get it off ..but i am going to try and do my best..i have too ..i have to try i cant just give up..i cant go back to the ways i was before..i didnt feel good then..why would i want to go back to that..?
well, today i ate it and messed up..tomorrow i start it again..and i stay with it..no more messing up for me..no more eating what i shouldnt eat and drinking what i shouldnt drink..water is my friend and salads are my friends ..no ice cream..
have a good saturday..