Friday, August 6, 2010
thinking about my life when i was a kid..
different look now than it was 3 years ago..wasnt too happy back then..and didnt feel good ever physically..
just looking back at some of the old pictures..it really shows what i have done and what my nephew and sister have done since my dad died 3 years ago..the young pictures are of me when i was 3 and 6..
i am just sitting here at my job just thinking about how my life was back when i was a chubby kid in school..i remember kids making fun of me when i was in kindergarten all the way up to 3rd grade..but what is so nice now ..is those kids decided they were being mean when they got older and they asked me to forgive them..isnt that something..a kid actually realizing what they did was bad and wanting forgiveness..of course i did..i was even friends with those people after that..that was nice..i remember this one girl in the 3rd grade who made my life miserable everyday..i would go home crying everyday because this kid decided that she wasnt going to like me because i was heavier than she was.so she would hit me and call me names and do what she could to make me cry..i even ended up transferring to another school away from her the next year..and that was the best idea yet..i loved the country school i went too ..and i went there from 4th thru 8th grade..it was cool..i felt like a big deal their..it was small ..only 200 kids or so..sean and i both went there and his little brother for a while went with us...even though sean had such bad luck with the kids there..i on the other hand had the best luck with all of them..only once did a kid ever call me a name while i was there..and i was already in the 8th grade..i looked at this little kid and went..really? your going to say that to me..? but your 6..! i guess they come in all ages..
i could never be a bully..i care about people too much..i dont want to make them feel like they already made me feel..i guess that comes from knowing about JESUS at a very young age..and knowing that it isnt right to be this way even if someone is to me..but God has a way of making us humble..when i was 14 and going to bible school, i had to ride the bus home..and there werent any seats left except by me..well the person who got on the bus next was the girl who made my life miserable when i was 8..i knew who she was, and she knew me as well..i didnt want her to sit next to me..i kept asking God no please put her somewhere else..not by me..well my seat was the only one left..and so i said okay you can sit down here..she started talking to me and told me how sorry she was for doing all the things to me that she did..she said she was angry because her brother was dying and he was just a baby..and he did die that year and it was sad that she was under the pressure like that and lost her brother..i really felt for her, but it still didnt make up for hurting me so bad that i would change schools...
but i forgave her and went on..i never saw her again..God certainly has a way of placing people in your life when its time too..every person that has caused me pain like this has said they were sorry at one time or another..so i can forgive because i have to forgive..if i want God to forgive me then i have to forgive them..sometimes it still hurts to think that people would judge me for the weight i have on my body..i always thought ..you are supposed to look at the inside..not the outside..i couldnt imagine a person not liking me just because i weighed more than they did..it just didnt make sense to me..i tried to never judge a person by the outside..we all probably do even though we try hard not too..but i do try and get to know each person and not go by what they look like..i have not had anyone since those times and so i guess i am really pretty lucky in that way..i know my nephew sean had a lot of problems with bullies and has a lot of hard feelings over it ..
i really try and forget it cause it dont do any good to keep thinking about it..i just wonder if the kids who are bullies ever spend this much time thinking about the kids they bullied in school and wondering the same thing..i dont know..they might if their conscious bothers them ..i guess they would..but really i think the kids that are doing the bulleying are kids that are crying out for some kind of help and they just dont know how to ask for it..so they do what they know will get them the attention they are craving even if its the wrong attention..and it hurts someone else in the meantime..i dont think anyone would hurt someone on purpose even if they dont know them not intentionally..
but i am glad i am a grown up now..i think the bullies today are alot worse than they were in my day..30 years ago..i think it would do all of us good to just look in the mirror and tell ourselves just how good we are..just say it..i am a good person..i deserve to live a great life..and i am going to live a great life..no one is going to put me down, and no one is going to make me feel bad..i deserve to live just like everyone else..this is my life and i will live it to the fullest..its a great life ..God gave us this life and God blesses us each day with another chance to do better..this is our chance to do good in this world..to do good for ourselves and for others..were in this together..
yesterday i ended up at 1500 calories and i didnt get all my water down me just because i had gotten a pop..noooo..no more..no more pop over water..its a hard thing for me but i have to keep doing this and drinking the water is part of the plan..i want 49 pounds off by christmas..that will put me at 250 and i think thats a good weight for 5 months down the road..i didnt walk either but its because right now i am taking care of the stands ..my uncle isnt feeling well and i am in charge now so i am working all the time..even if i get off at 9 the other stand doesnt close til 11..and so i have to take care of the money and figure out the next day and it gets into the night by then..but tonight i am going tooo..i am really iam..hehhe
i am drinking my water today and actually today i had pizza..i went and got a little ceasers pizza for 5.00 and ate 4 pieces and gave the rest to my family..so not too bad..right now i am at 1100 calories and wont be eating much else..so i am good..
hope you all have a wonderful weekend..
enjoy the journey along the road..