Sunday, May 16, 2010
well im just not sure about this day..
well its fun to look back..my dad died in 2007, and my nephew shane which is seans brother died in 2001..and our aunt passed away in 2009..the others are of me when i was younger..i was a makeup artist on the set of a movie which was done here in stillwater and was directed by anson williams and produced by ron howard..it was cool i got to meet some really neat people and learn the ins and outs so to speak..also the other one is me when i was 21 and sean had just had amber she is one and she thought she was mine..lol she never would go to anyone but me..it was nice..
well i just wanted to share some oldie pics..im off to bed now..the top picture is me when i worked for a covenience store here in town..i was 25 then..probably 290 then..
i dont know how i feel about this day right now..i got up feeling awful..so bad i didnt go to church.. i ended up feeling weak and just kinda blah today..but i did go out and walk this evening..but even that i did almost a mile..i forgot to tell you about my measurements yesterday..i was so excited..i lost 15 inches all over in the last two months..and it is certainly something i am seeing too..i got behind the seats at braums ..you know where you have to scoot over and over to get seated..well i got to scoot and scoot and i fit..behind the tightest one ..i fit..yay! a big victory..iam getting smaller and it is coming off..i never thought i would be able to do it and stick to it..but its so easy..really its easy..just count the calories and exercise and drink the water..thats all you got to do..and keep praying that God will help you through it..He will too..
so i guess my day isnt too blah..just the way i feel..i didnt even get to 1300 today..i needed too but i got up late and doing that its hard to eat the amount you need..i ended up with 1265 by pushing it..and i walked real close to a mile..so i kept doing it even though i didnt feel like it..
i have just been so sad tonight..my best friend jeff, well he is missing off of fb..and ms..i dont know what has happened to him..i cant find him and i cant get ahold of him..his number and address is unlisted..iam so worried that something is wrong..its not like him to be this way..he reads my blog every night and he talks to me every day..if he had another heart attack his mom would have told us on his fb..thats what she did when he had the heart attack a few weeks ago..it has been a full week and nothing..not a peep not a poke..lol you know that poking on fb..he always pokes me back within minutes...lol i just pray he is alright..please pray for him too..he has been one of my biggest supporters..and one of my best friends...
iam trying to get through this day..sometimes its just not easy to do..somedays are awful hard to go through..we finally had some sun today, so we will open up tomorrow..thank you for all the nice comments last night..i try to write from the heart..its whats in my heart that i would like to say to everyone..what i feel..i spend a while sometimes writing down my thoughts...sometimes i think about it all day, what iam going to write..its important to me to say something that is worthy of reading and how i honestly feel inside..i like to write and it is a theraputic tool as well..this is something like an online diary..for everyone to see..i never used to write down my feelings, but it might have been a good thing if i had..
i guess while i am talking maybe i will tell you my most embarrassing moment..
i was 14 when this happened..when i was 9 to 14 i played a game in the summer called junior putters of america..jpa..well this was a good sport for kids and a cheap one at that..5.00 for the whole summer on tues. and thurs..we could play all day and there were pop machines there and the baskin robbins was next door..so sean and i played every year...sean was always good at this sport..i was too but he was better..
at the end of the year we had our family picnic and handed out the ribbons and trophies..well we got to go on a trip and play at the nationals in memphis,tenn..fun fun..we sold our tickets every year and we went..
well this year i was getting older and i was now on my little girl thing...you know what it is..i was 14 and being that young i was flowing very heavily...not something you want to be around..i also liked the boys of course and they knew it..my cousin who is a girl went with me ..she is only a year younger and we both have fun when were together..we went on this trip with all these boys and only 2 more girls..well the embarrassing part is coming.
i started and it was a mess and i hadnt brought anything with me because it wasnt the time..my cousin started too..and we had to drive for 12 hours with all these boys being boys..they were silly and teased us all the way there..we were cramped in the van and unfortunately we were bleeding badly..this was not fun..once we got to the hotel, we thought we were okay..we had pads and had put them on..of course everyone now knows we were on this..so we went to the room and the boys followed us to the rooms and decided to take the pads and throw them around...so they did and i had to run around this hotel trying to catch these boys so i could get my pads back..i did get them back but i dont know if i will ever forget that trip..and actually i ended up bleeding for 30 days that month..i ended up in the emergency room when i got back and found out i had an infection of some sort..i was told then i couldnt have children..i guess i have healed since..my last doctor told me i was fine..but that was my most embarrassing event..and it was something..
well maybe i better get to bed and pray for a better day..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL