Saturday, May 1, 2010

thinking about the day!

well i know its late and i should be in bed..but i cant go to bed without doing my blog..its like a part of my routine now..i clean my face and do my i need something to pep me up..i was having such an awesome day and then tonight, i came home and spoiled it for myself..i went and layed down on the bed and became depressed..i guess i get that way too easy now..or i let myself get that way..but it seems like fridays just seem to bother me more than other days..i dont know why unless its because i just dont have a date...but i am trying to let that has to go or i will never get past it and onto my new life..i need this new life..i need to be happier than i was a few months ago..i need to get this weight off so i can live a little longer..i know i will..with my determination and Gods strength and support and courage he gives me to keep going, i know i will..God gives me my life everyday and iam forever grateful for it...

like i said i layed down and was resting my legs ..tomorrow starts working so they will not be resting much, so i thought well i will get up soon and go i didnt go walk..i stayed on the bed for 4 hours tonight..just laying there..wasnt asleep, just laying down and feeling down because i wasnt out tonight with someone and was wondering why and when it would ever happen...or if it would ever happen..i love being friends with people, but i am so tired of always being the guys friend..always i am like their friend..or this one i loveya like a sister..okay it gets old to hear that from everyone..i know i am supposed to have more faith than what it seems like tonight..i do have faith in God ..its just frustrating that it hasnt happened yet..i know in Gods timing is the right time...i have to wait and i will wait..i guess i just get frustrated like everyone does..its not happening fast enough..even my weight loss its not happening fast enough either..but it will come in the right time..and the right man will come in the right time..i need to just keep my spirits up everyday and quit whining about what i dont have ..because what i do have is very important and a real blessing..i have family and friends all over who care about me very much, and i have the love of God who loves me very i have alot..

we all do, we are all blessed and sometimes just dont realize it..i listened to seans lose to win speech tonight and that was and is a blessing in itself..he really can motivate people and inspire others to get out there and do it..he is so motivated..he got me to thinking i needed to just let go of how i was feeling tonight and just keep doing it..iam making the right choices everyday and i am walking i took a tomorrow i will walk again even while i am working..its an everyday lifestyle change and its something we have to think about all the does become a routine..just like this blog is for me so is the calorie counting and the walking..and i am so blessed for that..i am thankful i dont drink dr.pepper anymore..oh my the calories i had in was awful..i used to drink 4 32 ounces of dr.pepper a day..the calories and the pounds i gained with that..

i guess i better get to bed.i have to work tomorrow and iam grateful for that goodnight and make good choices..


  1. Its easy to get frustrated and let the lonliness acost you! I know. but its funny, in my personal experiance I was always worried about being with some one else and I didn't take time to work on my self. Now I make myself a priority. What do I loike to do, what hobbies I want to participate. I really needed to learn myself(and I am still learning). I went from daughter to mom to wife and realy had never worried about me. Now that I do life in general is getting better day by day. I am happier. Just in general. I hope that helps

  2. How you handle those down and depressing thoughts is critical to your success. And you did well!

    You acknowledged them (instead of eating over them), and then answered them with the truth. And CHOSE not to wallow in self-pity. And to remember your "motivating thoughts" as Sean calls them. Good job!

    When I read your post, I kept thinking of the word "preparation". You are being prepared.... getting ready for the future God has for you. If it were revealed too soon, you would not be ready yet. You are being prepared in all kinds of ways... like all the plans and preparation a bride goes through getting ready for a big wedding... there is a lot to do, to be ready for the big day.

    I know patience is hard... it is one of those things I work on myself.. but try to remind yourself you are being prepared for something wonderful! And enjoy the process. :-)

  3. I'm with loretta and chunky chick..
    God is getting you ready for what he has planned for you.
    And you are lot closer than you were when you started.
    Next time you have a down thought about being alone on a Friday night simply say to yourself...
    "Well, lying here aint goiing to get me what I want, but walking will'.
    I would get frustrated.
    Sometimes walking up and down this dirt road near my subdivision I would be plodding along and frustrated. Thinking bad thoughts.
    Then I would just say "I'll feel bad about myself tomorrow'.
    I used to be a master at procrastination.
    Now I procrastinate the bad stuff. lol.
    i hope you feel better today kelli.

  4. I know where you are coming from, but perhaps in a slightly different way. I'd work so hard to be good to myself and that I was ultimately seeking some kind of reward...something to recognize all my hard work.

    Perhaps your Friday night frustration has something to do with want a companion as a reward for your hard work...I completely understand it...believe me.

    It'll happen, right on already have faith for it...just tough to remember it.