Wednesday, May 12, 2010

not the weighday i wanted..



me and my brother/nephew sean..his blog is awesome and so is he..

well today was a day of more storms but not around here..i was so glad..yesterday was not the best day for oklahoma..but were okay and most of us are used to this weather..its still scary when it happens..well this morning was my friends funeral, but for some reason i just couldnt make myself go to it...i knew early on i couldnt do it..i kept thinking about her all day and kept wishing i had gone but it was almost like a panic attack, i remember having one of those when i was in school 20 years ago and had to give my last speech and just couldnt make it ..i ended up failing the class because of the panic attack..it wasnt fun to go through..and today it started to feel that way..i guess i was just nervous..my nerves have not been the best lately and i just get all emotional around these things..so i thought about her all day..

but this afternoon i went and weighed and saw on the scales what i didnt want to see..i went back to 309 and i wasnt pleased..but i am there and all i can do is keep going...i have to get past this 300 mark..i have too..i know it is probably the peanut butter that i have been eating and the ice cream instead of the yogurt and not walking the past 2 days..so tonight i walked..when we got home i walked..i only did a mile but i tellya a mile felt like a couple of miles...it felt like i was starting all over again..i had only been away from it for 2 days and it felt like i was carrying heavy weight all over again..i dont like that feeling..i did make it in 20 minutes though..i did a mile in 20 minutes not bad for me..

i kept a strict count on my calories tonight and i started to drink my water again..this is what i have to do to really get this weight off..iam going to do it now and nothing is going to interrupt my focus..i watched the biggest loser tonight and they are something..of course they havent lost as much as my own nephew has but they have done well for themselves and they dont even realize it..sean has been the biggest inspiration for me...i see how he is always positive and upbeat and how he sincerely wants to help people with this problem we all have..he is a very special brother..i have several brothers ..one is my own brother but iam close to all my nephews and even some friends and my cousins, all my family seems to be pretty close..its a nice feeling to be like that..

iam not happy with the weight iam at but all i can do about it now, is keep going..i have to move forward and get stricter with everything and no slacking with the calories..i went and saw my friend tonight and he was eating his supper..he had a big sandwich and doritos..my favorite chip..so i sat there and watched him eat this supper and i drank my water..i couldnt believe it..i didnt even get into his bag of chips..i used to but not now..iam so glad i am in control of all of it..its nice to have that feeling..i know one day i am going to be 130 pounds and not even want to go back to being this way again..i know that because i want it now..its in me now to do this..i didnt want it bad enough before or i would have stuck to it..and not made excuses as to why i couldnt do it..

i feel good even being this small and it is far from being small..but today i had to open up the stand, and that means i have to put out about 10 to 12 balloons everywhere..so i used to do this but i felt awful getting in and out of the stand at 356 pounds..it wasnt easy..now today i just zip in and out of there like nothing at all..its very easy for me now..i felt good getting out there and walking around putting out the balloons..i was 47 pounds slimmer..and a whole different mentality...

and then tonight, as i went to see my friend i was able to sit in a chair he has at his job and feel good in it..i mean i felt good.i wanst too big for it and it wasnt snug either..so iam losing something its just now i have to get those 9 pounds back off and get going with the rest..just keep going forward..thats all i can do..!

i better go to bed..last therapy session in the morning..hooray!
i do feel better in these hose..if i can just keep them up..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FOR THE CONCERNS ABOUT THE TORNADO..IT WAS A FRIGHTENING DAY..
have a great tomorrow..
kelli

8 comments:

  1. yeah...being strict on the calories is 80 percent of it. exercise will make you feel good and does all kinds of things, bt if the calories aren't under control, it does no good. Great job on skipping the doritos..hugs to you and have a great night.

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  2. thank you and it was so hard to skip the chips..i love doritos..but i did it..have a good night..hugs to you too..

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  3. I found the link to your blog as I was reading Sean's blog. Losing what you have already is a huge accomplishment. I know what you mean about hitting a wall and trying to get past it. I really want out of the 230's. I bet you want past the 300 mark so bad, and I know that you can do it.

    If you ask me exercise is definitely the key. Of course counting calories is a huge part of it too. But for me exercise is an absolute must. I could eat just 1200 calories a day and I still would not lose anything. I know this because I have been through that scenario many times.

    I know that it can be a challenge to get up and move but really the more that you do it, the more it becomes a habit and you can't live without it.

    I watch The Biggest Loser too and tonight I was just so sad for Michael. But my favorite is Ashley so I was very happy to see her slide into the final four. I also like Daris and I don't live very far from him at all, but I am in Texas. Koli kind of ticked me off tonight with his arrogance. I am sure he is just proud of himself and he has come such a long way so who am I to judge. I think I would be the same way in his shoes but that doesn't mean that I have to like it!

    Come by and check out my blog sometime. We all need the support and later today is my weigh in for the challenge I am doing so I am a little nervous.

    www.fightingtobehealthy.blogspot.com

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  4. First of all, don't you dare believe that all of that is fat. Some perhaps, but maybe some water gain too.
    Still---You're discovering the most important element along this road: Self-honesty.
    You have to be very real about your calorie budget---and battle that voice inside that says "it's ok, go ahead and eat that."

    Remember---consistency will get you there Kelli. Be strong, be consistent, walk, watch that calorie budget like a hawk...and occasionally have a few Doritos---I suggest a little 35 cent snack pack---enough to enjoy, but not enough to lose control.

    You're going to make it Kelli---I love you sis!

    Sean

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  5. I'm a fan of the Biggest Loser, too! I think maybe you are feeling a little bit like Michael was at the beginning of yesterday's episode: like you're trying to find the finish line, but all you can see is that there's just so far to go. I think that if you turn around, you'll see that you've come a long way, too, and you need to be proud of what you have accomplished. If you can embrace the hard work you've already put into this, it will help to motivate you to move forwards and break that 300 number barrier! You can do it...it's so close! Drink your water, walk your mile, avoid those Doritos....oh wait....You already did all those things! Yeah, you're well on your way. Keep up the awesome work. :-)
    Cheers!
    Christine
    www.phoenixrevolution.net

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  6. I agree with Sean. Not all of that 9 pounds is fat. In fact, ALL of it may be water! I weigh 219 pounds and have been known to step on the scale after a high-sodium weekend and be up anywhere from 10 to 12 pounds! Eek!

    For me, I wouldn't say there is a specific "key" to this venture. It is honestly about keeping a balance: exercise, nutrition, hydration. Getting out and walking is a huge accomplishment!! A 20 minute mile?! Amazing! :)

    You can do this. WE can do this. You have my support! I really enjoy your blog. :)

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  7. I wandered over here from another blog too. I know exactly how you feel. I was at 315 when I started and I have have been hovering around 260 for a few months it seems. The road is long and hard and as "older" women we have slower metabolisms so it can be a little more difficult

    I think one of the biggest keys to success is to shoot for progress not perfection. In the past I always thought I had to be perfect on my diet/eating plan and I was just setting myself up for disappointment. Little steps add up to big steps and eventually we can get there. It will be so worth it too!

    Glad I found you and looking forward to seeing your progress.

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  8. I think these are sobering moments, but healthy to have. It is so easy to get complacent with the process when things are going well and seemingly easy. Reality checks are great...we're with you!

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