iam taking control of my food..

this is me and the ladies in my family..my sisters and my mom and my cousin who is a sister too..happy mothers day..i loveyou all!

i have had a difficult day trying to get through having these cravings for all the wrong foods..i keep wanting snaky stuff and my mind keeps telling me its okay go ahead and eat, its alright its mothers day..go ahead and eat through your depression..i cant go back to those ways..i have had a day because i found out last night that one of my friends from high school who had been battling cancer for two years passed away, and it was quite a blow..she was the same age as i am and was a very nice person..she had two little girls whom i am sure will miss her very much..i remember her smile and how kind she always was to me...her name was cami and she was a christian lady..i know she is much happier and without pain now..i miss her already..

i kept thinking about her all day and it just made me sad...when i get sad i go to food..at least i used too..iam really trying my best to look at how iam feeling and think about it instead of just eating and never learning why i feel like i do..iam a psychology major shouldnt i be better at rationalizing this anyway..?

well i ended up telling myself no you cant do this to yourself..you cant start eating again and saying its okay..because its not..i dont want to end up killing myself because of food..if i die because of cancer or diabetes okay thats a reason..not because of glutney and it is what it is..

so i did better, i had 1400 calories today and no snocones ..it was so cold tonight i am surprised we were open..i had a total of 2 people this evening..not good..so you can see i had plenty of time to eat the snocones..i kept telling myself too you dont have to walk tonight..its okay its cold out there..no one walks in cold weather..oh yea i said..well iam..i kicked myself out there..and did 30 minutes..i walked a mile and was still going..i never stopped to take a rest because i never got tired..i couldnt believe the hose, how good they feel on my legs once i get them positioned to not slide down all the time..it was such a day..my inner voice whom i am not listening to when it comes to food..just didnt do me right tonight..but i showed it..lol i got back at it and did just what i needed to do for me..i walked and watched the calories..whoohoo iam taking control now..

we are going to sirlon stockade today..i know a buffet..but i know we can control it and do well..we shouldnt let food make us scared..i have to control it myself and say your not going to make me fat anymore..because its not the food, its the person..if we can control how much we eat, then we have won the battle..and so iam not going to ignore the buffet line tomorrow..iam just going to eat the right way and enjoy the day..

i hope you all do the same..have a wonderful mothers day..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI