getting to know me..

it has been a beautiful spring day here..i love this kind of weather, even though iam not into tornadoes..i still like the cool weather and cloudiness..although today, it was pretty warm..we didnt do alot today..just the same stuff we do everyday..sometimes our weeks just run together because its the same places..but thats okay, were getting by...

i enjoyed doing my exercises today..it was fun and felt good..i am really getting into doing them now..my cats still think iam silly but i know im not..hehe i saw a friend of mine tonight, and i do enjoy talking to him..he was battling a massive headache tonight and he couldnt hardly stand it..so i was trying to comfort him..

i stuck to the calories today..it just seems so easy now..i know there will be days when i am going to want to eat more, iam just going to have to consider my choices..what is the best choice for me..what food do i really want to spend the calories on..? i do wish i had done this many years ago..i wouldnt have had to go through life without a boyfriend, or without dating anyone..maybe if i had done this then i would have been happier ..maybe i would have made it as an actress..i dont know, so many questions and no answers..i guess i should just be thankful now for doing it NOW..i can only go forward..i cant go backward..it wont help to go through the past and say what if..because we really dont know the answers to those questions..

i know the mental and emotional part of this journey is very important, and i am trying my best to really get inside myself and understand why i was like this for so long..why i didnt get the weight off when i was young...i really dont know why..i always wanted to lose weight, i never liked the fact that i was fat..i always said if the person doesnt like me for me then he isnt good enough for me anyway..copout..excuse..whatever you wanna call it..i was covering up for the fact that i was too scared to try and lose weight and fail at it..i always said he is supposed to look at the heart not the looks..yes thats true, but to get to the heart, he has to see the body and the face and if he isnt attracted to that then he isnt going to get to the heart..plain and simple..very few men and women rarely look at the heart first and then the appearance..

well i have decided to let that part of me go right now..when its time for me to be married or have a boyfriend then God will put someone in front of me..until then, iam focusing on my health and weight..this is too important to just set aside and say i will diet tomorrow..no more tomorrow..it is today and today only..i will change my life for the better and become the person i know i can be..then i will attract the man that God wants me to be with..

i hope you all have a wonderful night..im going to bed now, after i read my Bible..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI