Friday, April 16, 2010
what is self esteem..?
the recent one is of me at 300 pounds like yesterday..whoohoo! and the one with the black hair is when i was at my highest at 356 pounds..and the one in blue is when i was getting ready to get married but didnt..and i was 330..so yea! for me..iam going down..
today i have been thinking alot about what self esteem is and what people consider to be vain..because i like to take pictures of myself, and i do admit i was taking too many of myself ..but because of this i am considered to be vain by a friend of mine..i went thru and cleaned out my pictures on myspace because of this and did notice i had many of me in the same pose just because i was bored..
i dont ever think of myself as being vain or concieted in any way, it hurt alot to hear this..but iam going to try and work on it..i like the camera a little too much i guess..but it made me very depressed today..and i could have went and ate the fridge like i would have before but not tonight..instead iam in here writing my blog and pouring out my feelings to all of you..i asked my friends on facebook about this and they are people who have known me my whole life..i really think they know me better than this person does ..and they said they have never known me to be this way..im not trying to be vain..i dont want to give that impression to people..
i always thought of myself as having self esteem..but what is self esteem then..if you cant think highly of yourself then what is it..i have always known that i have a good personality..i like my personality..but im not vain in that way..i have had confidence in myself..not in my looks but me as a person..i know iam a smart person and iam proud of that..
iam a good person, and i care for people..im very compassionate and i am a believer in christ...what else can you ask for..! i let this get to me and i shouldnt...he is my friend, and he was giving me his impression ..not always what others think..
iam just going to go on and try and be a better person thru all of this..i may not take as many pictures but i will do progress pictures of myself..after all God doesnt want us to be vain..He wants us to love ourselves but not be in love with ourself..hehe..
i guess i am doing better now..i feel better when i write this like this..iam so glad you all are out there to read it..even if it were just one or two of you i would be so happy to have your opinions..
this has been a rainy day and i didnt get to do any walking today..my wraps came off and i have had a very hard time putting them back on, until sean came in and he wrapped me pretty tight..but i will survive..and i will survive this day too..so my calories stayed in place..and iam going to get to 130.
have a good weekend everyone..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL