Friday, April 16, 2010

what is self esteem..?





the recent one is of me at 300 pounds like yesterday..whoohoo! and the one with the black hair is when i was at my highest at 356 pounds..and the one in blue is when i was getting ready to get married but didnt..and i was 330..so yea! for me..iam going down..


today i have been thinking alot about what self esteem is and what people consider to be vain..because i like to take pictures of myself, and i do admit i was taking too many of myself ..but because of this i am considered to be vain by a friend of mine..i went thru and cleaned out my pictures on myspace because of this and did notice i had many of me in the same pose just because i was bored..

i dont ever think of myself as being vain or concieted in any way, it hurt alot to hear this..but iam going to try and work on it..i like the camera a little too much i guess..but it made me very depressed today..and i could have went and ate the fridge like i would have before but not tonight..instead iam in here writing my blog and pouring out my feelings to all of you..i asked my friends on facebook about this and they are people who have known me my whole life..i really think they know me better than this person does ..and they said they have never known me to be this way..im not trying to be vain..i dont want to give that impression to people..

i always thought of myself as having self esteem..but what is self esteem then..if you cant think highly of yourself then what is it..i have always known that i have a good personality..i like my personality..but im not vain in that way..i have had confidence in myself..not in my looks but me as a person..i know iam a smart person and iam proud of that..

iam a good person, and i care for people..im very compassionate and i am a believer in christ...what else can you ask for..! i let this get to me and i shouldnt...he is my friend, and he was giving me his impression ..not always what others think..
iam just going to go on and try and be a better person thru all of this..i may not take as many pictures but i will do progress pictures of myself..after all God doesnt want us to be vain..He wants us to love ourselves but not be in love with ourself..hehe..

i guess i am doing better now..i feel better when i write this like this..iam so glad you all are out there to read it..even if it were just one or two of you i would be so happy to have your opinions..

this has been a rainy day and i didnt get to do any walking today..my wraps came off and i have had a very hard time putting them back on, until sean came in and he wrapped me pretty tight..but i will survive..and i will survive this day too..so my calories stayed in place..and iam going to get to 130.

have a good weekend everyone..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
KELLI

8 comments:

  1. Hey Kelli, don't feel bad for taking pictures of yourself, we all do it. It's just another form of self-expression and it doesn't hurt anyone. Self esteem starts with you and if taking pictures makes you happy, go for it! And congrats for choosing to write your feelings!:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. hmmmmm....
    um, first off...WAY TO GO on the weight loss..you can definately tell in the face. And you look beautiful.
    I would think a friend would want you to feel good about yourself.
    Heads up. Some people get off on you being less than...When you start improving yourself, you are going to find out who your real friends are..and if there is one person who is always 'down' on you.
    aka.
    You buy a pair of pants...and she says "they look good for someone 'your size'.
    Or,
    why do you keep taking pics..you must think your all that...
    or
    who do you think you are...
    not a person who has your best interest at heart..but a person who is interested in keeping the upper hand. so to speak.
    You look gorgeous...take a ton of pics and remember to post them here...love to see them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You shouldn't let the misguided words of someone affect you so badly Kelli. They don't know you, your heart. You like pictures, that's not a bad thing. If they don't like it---or it makes them jealous, than they don't have to look at them. If it makes you feel good, then really---that's all that matters. Chris is so right---some people are so miserable---that when someone around them is feeling good about themselves---they immediately try to bring them down in an effort to improve how they feel about themselves. So---let it go and and keep snapping the pictures. You're on your way to a wonderful place Kelli. Keep coming down the road---it gets better and better. Ok? Love you sis

    Sean

    ReplyDelete
  4. I take pictures for accurate historical reflections of how I looked when. You should document and celebrate your journey every chance you get.

    I used to not even let anyone catch me on camera.... we have video where I am like the flash in the background once in a great while. Now I wish I had pics of me at my largest. You look healthier not just smaller and happier, but healthier which is good to see so keep lookin at yourself we don't mind.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Send him a dictionary...he hasn't used one in a long time.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your photos are wonderful additions to your blog, just as Sean's are to his, and I encourage you to keep taking and posting them. I certainly enjoy seeing your progress and admire your honesty and courage as you share your life through your writing and photos.

    ReplyDelete
  7. feel good about yourself and don't think about any bad issues regarding self esteem for women because it will just make you insecure. You are beautiful and what you're doing is totally fun.

    ReplyDelete