Friday, April 23, 2010
a journey to a new life..really?
this was me a year and a half ago with my former fiance..and now friend..and the other picture is me today..
hey ya all its friday and i didnt walk today..i know its bad i didnt do it..but my legs were hurting so i couldnt..my legs are wrapped so tightly this weekend, that its hard to even walk regular much less power walk..hehe i have had a pretty good day..i have stayed on my calories and dont feel hungry or deprived about anything..
we sat at wendys and talked with my moms cousin tonight..and we were there for like 3 hours..just talking and listening to how hard her life was back when she was younger..she is my moms age so it was a while ago.she is a very interesting person and has lived quite a life..
i have been thinking too much tonight..maybe its because i didnt go walking..didnt get my emotions out like i usually do..but tonight i have just been thinking about how come im not married, and wishing i was..why am i not married..? im a pretty lady..im a good girl..im almost 42 and all i really wanted out of life when i was young..was to become a wife and mother..of course i wanted to be an actress and singer.that was a given with me..but deep down i just wanted to be a wife and a mom to some kids who might look like me some ..and have my singing voice..i just wanted what every girl wants..a nice husband and a cute little kid..
i suppose one day that might happen..at least the nice husband part..i am really too old to think of the cute little kid..i could adopt i guess..i always thought i would if i needed too..i live in a college town and you would think i would be able to meet people..but i take care of my mom and stay at home with everyone, i never know how to go out and meet anyone...i was engaged once and he is my friend now..he and i kinda rushed things and it was just too fast for both of us..but we are becoming good friends..he has been my therapist tonight..he has some good advise..i guess i just need to get out and meet people..im just not a person to get out and do things anymore..
i think i might join a gym soon and kill two birds with one stone so to speak..hehe i need to start working on my strength and doing the treadmill would be a good thing for me..i need to focus on my weight and getting my legs in shape instead of wondering why i am not married..i guess i need to stop worrying..when its time hopefully i will be ready..
i was thinking about the title a journey to a new life..is this really going to be a new life..? or is this the same life we are having just a little slimmer body..i know its all mental..we need to understand why we did the things to our body that caused us to be heavy..so i guess it is a journey to a new life..hopefully we can claim a new life when we get to the goal we are going after..is my life going to be different when i reach 130..? am i going to feel better about myself..or am i going to still be the same shy person i am today that doesnt know how to go out and meet people..will the confidence be something that is in me naturally, or am i going to become self centered because i am now a small person..i dont know..i think about this alot..how am i going to be affected by all the changes that will occur when i am small and still single..and is this new man liking me for me or 130 pounds ..sometimes i dont know if its a good journey to a new life or not..i know i will be much healthier and if i dont do this i wont be here long..but i just hope the mental aspects of it arent too great ..i hope i dont get totally depressed because nothing is happening to me and iam slim..i tend to be depressed at times..i think tonight is one of those nights..i just think too much..and then i cry..its just me..
i know one day God will allow the right man to be around..i just need patience..maybe i am supposed to get in good health before that happens..i guess i need too anyway..thanks for listening to me..have a good night..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL