Friday, April 2, 2010

today is such a lovely word..



well another day has gone by and i feel great..i know i can win this battle of the bulge..it just takes making the right choices and focusing on what iam eating..i think when i used to try and lose weight, i was more focused on eating salads and getting my veggies in and trying to drink water..i would do okay for awhile, and then something would happen and i would fall away again, and have a hard time getting back on track..
i would say iam going to get back to dieting tomorrow..tomorrow is such a lovely word...you can do anything tomorrow..except go on a diet..hehe because its always tomorrow..and for me and my 41 years of being overweight..it has been many tomorrows..but never today until this time..today i will do my best for today..today i will control my weight..i will not overeat today..today i will exercise..

saying it today gives it more of a chance for me...i dont feel defeated this way..i only have today and that is all iam shooting for..so instead of tomorrow being such a lovely word..today is the nicest word..because it is now..it is the present, and not the future..i love to dream about tomorrow..but today is what iam living for now..
i get up now and say okay how much exercise can i do today..can i beat my time from yesterday or just shoot for a time for today..i challenge myself to do better with my walking..i try and walk longer time, and try to speed up my pace..i can do a mile now in 20 minutes..iam so pleased with that..a year ago i couldnt even think of walking a mile and without the walker no way!
iam feeling under my chin on my face and i dont feel the double chin anymore...hehe
how nice that is..i love that i dont look heavy in the face now..iam starting to show some slimness..now i am putting vineger in my water and drinking it too..things i wouldnt have done a year ago, i am enjoying doing now..
i have gone through diets and tried to lose and did once, but gained everything plus more, but never really understood til now that it is eating right, exercising, drinking water..moving..counting calories and understanding how you got to where you are and how you are never going back to that way again..its a mental thing as well as a physical..you need to be ready to lose it or you wont..you have to want it..we all think we want it, but do we really..we want to be thin, but apparently were not ready to be thin..were not ready for all the changes that will go with this new appearance and this new life..because it will be a new life..people wont treat us the same as before..sometimes thats the hard thing to take ..how others see you..
i know right now..i am looking forward to changing my appearance some..at least the fat part of it..i dont want the personality to change..sometimes i am afraid it will..i dont want to change how i look at people either..i know what it feels like to be the fat person in the little chair in class and not be able to get up out of it..that happened to me just last semester..the desks are awful around here..hehe

i guess this is a never ending journey through our mind body and soul..to figure out what we are doing wrong and why and how to not ever do it again..i hope, no i know i can stick it out and keep going today! today and today and today..

GOD BLESS YOU ALL..
KELLI

5 comments:

  1. You are talking my language...today today today.

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  2. Awesome post! That's a great attitude :)

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  3. Wonderful post!
    Along with changing your lifestyle and your appearance, the way you look at yourself and others will change.
    You'll feel more confident to reach out your hand to help someone. You'll be more compassionate toward someone who is heavy and trying to lose the weight because you've been there.
    You'll expect to be treated with respect and consideration, and because you expect it, that's how you will be treated. For some reason when we are overweight and feeling less than attractive, we accept less from others because we don't feel that we are deserving.
    That will certainly change.
    How exciting your life has and will continue to become!

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  4. Wonderful post. The best is yet to come sis, it really is! And i want you to know---what you're doing now, everyday...one day at a time...this is laying a foundation for a very happy and healthy future for you. Just take it one day at a time---stay consistent, and one of these days you're going to look in the mirror--and, wow---the changes you'll see. BUT---those changes will not be as big and important, as the changes in your brain and heart.
    It's richly rewarding kelli, and you deserve to feel this freedom, you do!

    Love you sis,
    Sean

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