Friday, April 9, 2010
my body is yelling at me but im not listening..lol
these pictures are shots of me before i ever wanted to do anything with my weight..one shot is me and my sisters and my mom and aunt at braums..we were looking at old pictures..go figure..hehe the silly one is me and my friends ..we had a tea party at my friends house and she made these hats and ties..it was cool..back in 2007..so you can see i have lost alot since then..
wow i did 3 miles again today..and after last night i was so sore i couldnt move..but i just cant sit down and do nothing now..iam so into the fitness that it is a part of me, and i am very glad it is..but i have to tell you my body is really yelling at me..hehe i am sore all over and i feel like falling into the nearest chair and staying there..
but i made 3 miles and i never thought i would be able to do that..next week iam going for 4 miles maybe..i will be wrapped then so we will see..iam so ready to see these changes in me..i really think you have to be ready for it or you wont understand the mental aspects of it..you wont get why you did this to yourself..and really it is a question we all have in our minds..why did i let myself get this way..? why didnt i take care of myself when i was 200 pounds instead of letting myself get to 300..its a common question and the answer is totally different for everyone..
i think for me i was scared of rejection, even though i did get rejection and have over and over by men ..it was a different thing back when i was younger..i didnt date in school and i didnt date or even put myself out there to meet men when i was getting older, and along the way i was getting heavy and the heavier i got the more insecure i got with men..i was scared to go out with a man and maybe go into a relatonship..something i wanted but was too scared to go out and get..
all i kept saying was that if he doesnt like my personality then he isnt worth my time..uhuh..a big excuse..i was really saying iam scared to go out with anyone..and i dont feel like iam worthy enough to go out with anyone...i do like my personality, i have that going for me..i m a christian woman and i feel like that is the most important part of me is the fact iam a christian and iam a child of God and with Him i can do anything..but it has taken me along time to feel good about myself to say that..to realize i dont need to please anyone just please God and iam worthy because iam His child..because He says iam..so i am getting more and more confidence these days and i feel good about myself now and enjoy just meeting people..
i always hid my true self with this weight..i am a quite person sometimes and would never go to parties and didnt feel like getting to know everyone, but i am loving it now..this is my year..i know its everyone elses year too but its my time to fly like a butterfly and be the woman i know i am ..the one that God see's ..i am worthy to just be me..and i am going to make this work everyday..my body is going to work and even if my body tells me how much it hates me at the time..its going to love me in another year..i have alot to do and today is all i can think about..each day iam given is another day closer to getting to where i need to be..and along the way i will know more about myself than i ever thought possible..its a journey..a real journey..this is my second month blogging and it feels like a habit already..i have to do this..i have to put my day down for everyone to read about..i have to walk my 3 miles or i feel like i didnt do what i should..i have to watch my calories or iam going to feel so guilty that i will wish i had..hehe
i know one day i am going to see someone so new to me it is going to be a change ..i know i will go through emotions over it because i am that way..but i will enjoy it and i will love me because i am a good person now and forever ..not because iam a thin person..but because iam a loving person..because iam a caring person..iam me..and thats all i can be..
GOD BLESS YOU ALL